


Reason Is Treason

by ms_soma



Category: The OC
Genre: Alternate Universe, High School, M/M, Underage Drinking, bit of angst, happy endings, kirsten's alcoholism, mention of other characters and substances of addiction, no cheating between Seth & Ryan, sexing once they are 18, smitten boys, wrote this in 2008
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-21
Updated: 2013-06-21
Packaged: 2017-12-15 16:39:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 80,068
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/851689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ms_soma/pseuds/ms_soma
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ryan Atwood is in his final months of high school when he strikes up a conversation with a stranger at a society party he crashes with his brother. He soon learns that he is the grandson of Caleb Nichol; hence a family enemy.</p><p>Seth Cohen is awkward, geeky, not overly popular, and intrigued by Ryan Atwood. Loyal to his family, he knows that any contact with anyone born on an Atwood was off limits.</p><p>Yet, these two forge an unlikely friendship that grows into more. Neither are comfortable with the lies and deception, but their longing to be together is stronger than the fear of being caught. And amongst all of this, they must contend with college applications, finishing high school, and deep family secrets.</p><p>Includes frottage, first times, alcoholic relatives, some homophobic language and actions, underage drinking, naked hot tubs, Seth being Seth, and potential teenage memories.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Reason Is Treason

**Author's Note:**

> Posting this to AO3 because lillian_raven was nice enough to ask for it :).
> 
> I wrote this back in 2007/2008 and I have only re-read it once, from memory. I think that's the problem when you write an 80,000 word WIP; you are pretty sick of it by the time it's done, even if you are secretly proud of it! At the time, most chapters were beta'd by the amazing 60schic who didn't try and change my 'voice', but did help with grammar and aussie-isms. I have no doubt that my style has changed since then, and maybe one day I'll get around to re-writing this, but for now, hope you're okay with a 5 year-old fic! It really was a blast to write, and remains my longest and potentially favouritest fic!

**REASON IS TREASON - PART ONE**

Ryan gazed around as his blue eyes took in his surroundings, peripheral vision hampered by the black mask adorning his face. The entrance hall to this house, not a house, a mansion, Ryan noted, was bigger than the old weatherboard that housed his Mom, Dad, brother and himself. A large chandelier-type light fitting hung heavily from the ceiling, the walls were painted a soft, inviting yellow color. Ryan’s ears reverberated with the soothing string instruments emanating from the speakers. Ryan wished that his Mom had loved classical music so he would know more about the great composers. If she had, he might have known that the music he was listening to was ‘Air’ by Bach.

“Just straight through that hallway there, gentlemen.” A man in a monkey suit greeted them. Ryan fell a step behind his companions and followed them into a large banquet hall, ten times the size of the foyer. Ryan enjoyed classic and clever architecture just as much as the next man, possibly more, but he would never understand why the rich would build a room this large as part of their house, when the only need for it would be for the occasional gathering such as this.

Like the entrance hall, this room was beautifully adorned, matching chandeliers, rich burgundy walls, wall lights every five feet. Assorted colored chairs lined the walls leading up to a small stage, eclectic-looking, but not out of place. Ryan took a guess that there were already one-hundred and fifty guests there, milling around and socializing with each other, delicate fingers selecting hors d’ouvres from the many trays being walked through the crowd, glasses of champagne and scotch seemingly flowing free. It didn’t take a genius to see that Ryan was out of his depth and out of his league in a place like this. The only thing he held in common with these people was that they were all currently wearing masks.

“Ryan, beer?” Trey asked. Ryan nodded his head and watched Trey and Trey’s friend Pete disappear towards the direction of the bar.

“Pretty lavish party, hey Ryan.” Ryan’s cousin Dominic said, his hands in his pockets and bouncing on his heels. Dom was his closest cousin on his mother’s side. He was two years older than Ryan, and therefore closer to Trey’s age than Ryan’s, but he and Dom got along better. “I’m glad I managed to find my suit.”

Ryan again nodded his head. He too was thankful that his suit still fit him. Both he and Trey only had one suit each, a necessity in Newport. Although Ryan went to Newport Union, a public school, some of the kids he went to events with were a little on the wealthier side of well-off. His Mom, Dawn, grew up poor, his Dad’s family once rich but declared bankrupt when Frank was in elementary school, they understood the power of making a good impression, and ensured that both himself and his brother owned a suit for occasions such as this.

“I don’t know, Dom. I hate things like this.” Ryan mentioned, his fingers itching for a smoke, but he could tell from the long line of smokers gathered around the front steps when he walked in that such a vice was not welcomed indoors.

“What do you hate about it?” Dom asked, his dark eyes cast towards a line of people moving indoors. “Do you hate that you’re mingling with the high society of Newport Beach, or do you hate that we’re crashing a party and you’re worried someone will find out?”

“It won’t be the first time we’ve gotten caught.” Ryan reminded him.

“I know.” Dom conceded. “But what’s the worst that happens? They see us, they don’t recognize us, they throw us out. In the meantime we’ve gotten ourselves a skin-full of free booze.”

“How did we get these invites anyway?” Ryan queried.

“Pete works for the printing company that made them up.” Dom explained. “He noticed that they weren’t individualized, that it was a masquerade ball, and snagged a couple of extra ones.”

Just then Trey returned with their drinks. Beer for Ryan and Pete, Dom and Trey were on the scotch.

“Cheer up, little brother.” Trey encouraged sarcastically. “If I had’ve known your panties were going to be in this much of a twist I would have left you home.”

Ryan gave Trey his usual silent angry glare, and Trey just laughed at him. “Lighten up, fuck man.”

The boys all went their separate ways, aware that a group of young men standing together would only draw attention to themselves. He saw Trey and Pete standing in a circle talking to some girls around Ryan’s age. He thought he recognized one of them as being a Senior at Harbor that comes into his work occasionally, but he didn’t know her name.

Ryan was on his fourth beer when time seemed to be dragging backwards. Trey and Pete were still with those girls, although they were now dancing, and Dom seemed to be trying to charm his way through the older set. Dom was determined that he was going to be rich one day, and believed the only way was through hard work and dedication. And maybe a job offer in a lucrative business. He often tried to schmooze his way into high society.

Finally, Ryan decided that the craving for nicotine was too strong. But where to have a smoke? He considered walking out the front doors, but he didn’t want to have to deal with the other addicted party-goers hanging around the front step. Surely a mansion like this had an equally large back garden?

Glancing around, Ryan spotted the entrance point that all the waiters appeared from, trays loaded up with devils on horseback, smoked salmon and caviar on crackers, prawn mousse on mini-rye. Ryan edged his way towards the door, keeping his head down once he found the kitchen. Bingo – a door lead right out to the back yard.

Ryan stepped out into the cool night air, taking a deep breath of fresh oxygen, untainted by the smell of alcohol, gourmet snacks, and Chanel No 5. Deciding that the air was too fresh, Ryan reached into his jacket pocket, withdrew a cigarette, and inhaled whilst his lighter did its job. He breathed out that sweet, sweet nicotine in a long steady stream. As Ryan’s eyes adjusted to the darkness, he took a second to observe the surroundings. The back garden, what he could see of it in the pale moonlight, was huge. He could see a high fence with high shrubs sealing the perimeter, another structure about fifty feet away from him, a pool-house that was probably as large as his house-house. At the foot of the pool-house was said pool, dimly illuminated by four underwater lights. And next to the pool sat a hunched over figure. The pool light refracted off his face, only slightly lighting up his features. Ryan could see curled light reflecting from his head, a dark, pointy mask covering his eyes.

“You’re meant to smoke out the front, that’s where all the ashtrays are.” The voice called from the distance.

Ryan looked around, just to check that it was himself being addressed. “I know. I just wanted some peace.”

“A party with four hundred invitees not doing it for you, huh?” The voice called. Ryan hesitated only for a second before his feet lead him across the grass to sit near the boy.

“Crowds of people aren’t really my thing.” Ryan informed, taking another drag of his cigarette.

“It stunts your growth, you know.” He stated more than asked.

“What? Crowds of people?” Ryan was confused.

“Smoking. Those cancer sticks you’re puffing on.” The stranger informed him.

Ryan shrugged and sucked harder, breathing the smoke out through his nose. “Crowds don’t do it for you either then?”

“Crowds give you cancer.” He mentioned. “Especially this crowd.”

Ryan nodded and reached into his pocket to offer the dark-haired boy a cigarette. He politely shook his head. “As much as I’d like to show you how cool I am by taking one, the illusion will be shattered the second I start coughing up a lung.” He stopped speaking and held out his hand. “I’m Seth, by the way.”

“Ryan.” Ryan shook his hand and observed him. He couldn’t see the boy’s eyes properly, but he looked to be around his age, with a lean figure and a mop of brown curls on top of his head. He actually reminded him physically a little of Dom. Ryan scanned his brain to see if he knew of any Seth’s at school, but came up blank. So instead, he focused on his eyewear. “So, batman?”

Seth groaned and dropped his head to his chest. “I know, how lame is that?! It was Mom’s way of trying to get me excited about tonight. But Batman? Come on, there’s heaps of comic book heroes better than Batman. Spiderman would have been good, except that mask covers the jewfro and everything.” Seth stopped speaking to take a breath. “Nice Zorro. Way cooler than this.”

Ryan adjusted said mask and couldn’t help but smirk at the boy. For someone sitting outside alone, he sure could talk.

“Why are you here if you don’t want to be?” Ryan asked, stubbing his spent cigarette into the concrete, pocketing it so he did not ruin the perfect manicure of the garden.

“Kinda forced to by the ‘rents.” Seth confided. “Who are you here with?”

“Family.” Ryan noted vaguely. “I didn’t really want to be here either.” He confessed.

“Mom makes me go to these things all the time. I hate them. She and my dad and grandpa fit right in to these society things. There’s always some cause they all have the need to fight for.”

Ryan nodded like he understood, even though this kind of life was completely foreign to him. “Your friends don’t come along?”

Seth’s lips turned into a thin straight line as he shook his head. “As you can probably tell by my mask, I fall into the ‘geek’ squad at school. Their parents don’t make them come to stuff like this. Lucky nerds.” He muttered under his breath.

“So you’re still in high school?” Ryan asked.

“Senior year, nearly done. You?”

“Same here. You at Harbor?” Seth nodded in response. “Figured, I’m at Union. I didn’t think I recognized you.”

“I’m pretty easy to forget.” Seth said softly, Ryan could detect a hint of sadness in his voice. Ryan had no idea why, but he felt compelled to cheer this boy up.

“I doubt that very much.” Ryan noticed the twitch in Seth’s lips as he said that. “Surely you’d be remembered as the guy that speaks so quickly he barely draws breath in a conversation.”

“Hey!” Seth pretended to be offended, but smiled and shoved at Ryan playfully. Ryan overbalanced even in his seated state, rebounding back up from his elbow. “I’m not making you sit here with me.”

“No, you’re not.” Ryan agreed. “Do you mind if I do?”

Seth shook his head. “Not at all. You’re surprisingly easy to talk to.”

“Why the surprise?” Ryan enquired. He’d known this guy for five minutes and he was already making assumptions about him? This was another reason why he hated being around the rich crowd.

Seth shrugged his slim shoulders. “I don’t know, dude. You sneak out the back here looking all James Dean with your cigarettes and all. I guess I thought you’d be the standoffish quiet type I see around here sometimes. But you’re not.”

Now it was Ryan’s turn to shrug his shoulders. “I am usually a bit like that I guess. Maybe you just bring out the chattiness in me.”

Seth smiled at that. “Awesome.”

They sat in a comfortable silence for a few minutes, Ryan glancing up at the stars in the clear night, aware that Seth was looking at him. Ryan normally hated people watching him, a side effect of growing up being Trey’s brother. Trey and Ryan were as different as chalk and cheese in every way but the physical. Sure, Trey was darker and slightly taller, but they had a similar well-muscled physique, piercing blue eyes, and chiseled jaw line. They also both had a quick temper, however Ryan was better able to control his, retreating into his shell rather than lashing out with his fists. Most of the time. Trey was often stared at because of his bad-boy reputation. Ryan was guilty by association.

But he didn’t mind the fact that Seth was checking him out now. His skin kind of tingled with the knowledge. He filed that thought away to dwell on later.

“So what do you do in your spare time, Ryan?” Seth broke the silence.

“Not much.” Ryan admitted, taking another cigarette from his pocket and lighting up. “I play in a soccer team on weekends, train a few nights during the week. Other than that it’s just homework and work-work.”

“Where do you work?” Seth asked.

“The Crab Shack. You know it?” Ryan ashed his second cigarette into the grass, holding it away from Seth so he wouldn’t get stung by the smell of nicotine.

“Man, I haven’t been to that place in years.” Seth mentioned. “Maybe I should have lunch there sometime.”

“Maybe.” Ryan wanted to say more, wanted to keep hearing Seth talk. “So, do you play any sports?”

Ryan was surprised by the warm chuckle that emanated from his new-found friend.

“What?” He enquired.

Seth got himself under control to answer. “Uh, no. Me and sports, we aren’t friends. In fact, we’re mortal enemies.” Seth paused. “Where abouts do you play soccer?”

“At the sports and parkland near the library.”

“Ah, yes. I know it well. I hang around that big tree with all the other unathletic kids, and we sit there reading Chaucer and congratulate ourselves on our brilliant minds, when really we’d give anything to have an iota of that self-confidence and natural physical ability people like yourself have.” Seth confessed. “Sorry. I have this annoying tendency to ramble. Feel free to kick my ass.”

Ryan smiled at Seth and told him not to worry about it. They were just getting onto the topic of what they were doing once school was all over when a female voice interrupted them.

“Seth! There you are, we’ve been looking everywhere for you!” A pretty brunette strode purposefully through the back door and across the grass towards them. She had long, dark hair, was wearing a pink slinky dress that accentuated the curves of her petite frame, and a blue and pink mask in the shape of a butterfly adorned her face.

“Crap.” Seth whispered. “That’s my cousin, Summer.”

“Seth.” She repeated once she got to them. “Your Mom and Dad are looking everywhere for you. It’s speech time.”

Seth groaned audibly as Summer reached out her hand to help hoist him up. Seth then turned to do the same to Ryan.

“Sorry, dude. Duty calls. But it was great meeting you. Might see you around sometime?” Seth asked casually, but Ryan wondered if he detected a hint of nervousness about it. Seth seemed like a shy and slightly nerdy kind of guy, Ryan was sure he’d been rejected and bullied his fair share.

Ryan smiled. “I’d like that.”

“Great! I’ll try and find you again a bit later.”

Ryan heard Seth and Summer speak in hushed voices as they headed back into the house. Ryan was slightly worried that Summer may have worked out that he was an imposter who should not be attending this function. Ryan’s urge to flee was back upon him, but after meeting Seth, his urge to stay was stronger. Stubbing out his second smoke, he wiped off the back of his pants and headed back inside.

It didn’t take him long to spot his party – Trey, Pete and Dom were all standing together, champagne in their hands and looking expectantly towards the stage.

“There you are, little brother. We thought you’d gone.” Trey informed him.

“Just getting some fresh air.” Ryan said, taking a glass of champagne from a tray whizzing past him.

Suddenly, the whole room became quiet as several people ascended the stairs to the stage. Ryan smiled as he saw Seth’s reluctant stance up there near the podium. He didn’t recognize the other man or woman on the stage, or the older man who was making his way up to join them. Until he heard his brother’s voice.

“Holy fuck, man. Is that Nichol?” He hissed.

Ryan’s gaze moved from Seth to the grey-haired balding man who was making his way up to the microphone. Fuck.

“Ladies and gentleman, thank you all for joining us here tonight to celebrate this wondrous occasion.” He started, and paused while everyone clapped. “Not only are we celebrating the 20th wedding anniversary of my darling daughter and son-in-law, but we’ve managed to raise over $50,000 for research into alcoholism.” He paused for more cheering. Ryan looked from Seth, to Caleb Nichol, to the husband and wife on the stage, a sick feeling starting to churn his stomach.

“Firstly, thank you all for taking the time to come masked for the occasion. A strange request on behalf of Kiki, but for those of you who do not know, the couple met at a masquerade ball when they attended Brown together.” Caleb paused, and Ryan glanced towards the couple, he was tall and dark like Seth, a Phantom of the Opera mask covering half of his features. She was slender and blond, a gold mask covering her eyes. “As you all know, it was 20 years tonight that my daughter Kirsten married Sanford. Those of you who knew me at the time would know I didn’t give their union twenty days, let alone twenty years!” He paused as a few people laughed or shouted things out. “But they proved me wrong. The free-spirited idealistic hippie didn’t run off with all of my money,” more laughter, “but he did make my Kiki extremely happy. And still does to this day. And that’s all I’ve ever wanted for my family. Happiness.”

Ryan kept his eyes focused on Seth, ignoring the scoff coming from his brother’s mouth.

“They bought this beautiful house, and, of course, raised my beautiful grandchild.” Caleb turned his head towards said grandchild. “Come on Seth, take a bow.”

Ryan smiled as he saw Seth turn crimson on the stage, giving a little wave to the audience as they laughed and cheered him on.

“So, could everyone raise their glasses in a toast. To Kirsten and Sandy.” Caleb continued.

“To Kirsten and Sandy.” The room echoed with the sound of fine crystal clinking against each other.

As soon as speeches were over and the room returned to its normal chatter, Trey turned his heel on Pete. “What the fuck, man?!” he exclaimed. “You’ve brought us to a fucking Nichol party?”

Pete put up his hands defensively. “I’ve brought you to a Cohen party.”

“The Cohen’s are the Nichol’s you asswipe.” Trey announced, pushing past his friend, ignoring his protests. “Come on, we’ve got to get out of here.”

Ryan filed in behind the three people in front of him, cutting one more glance behind him to the guy on the stage. The sick feeling in his stomach churned again, and he shook his head sadly.

Seth was a fucking Nichol. Ryan was an Atwood. And if it’s one thing Ryan learned growing up is that Nichol’s and Atwood’s do not become friends. The Nichol’s were the Atwood’s mortal enemy.

If Ryan’s Mom had taught him more about the Great Composers, he would recognize the music upon their hasty exit was Prokofiev’s _Montagues and Capulets._

***

 

**REASON IS TREASON – PART TWO**

It was one of those fabulous spring afternoons, the last dregs of winter disappearing, the crisp light breeze, the warming sun on your back. Ryan attempted to focus on his soccer training and not get distracted. He ran his drills between the cones, practiced his passing and his goal work. However he couldn’t help but shift his attention to the glimpse of certain soft brown curls he could see a few hundred feet away, the owner of said curls sitting comfortably under the shade of large tree, head absorbed in a book.

“Ryan!” Dom called out in the middle of the field. “You playing?”

Ryan shook his head out of his stupor and made a concerted effort to concentrate on his teammates instead of the brunette he hadn’t stopped thinking about since that party two weeks before. He manned up against one of the defenders as they played a half-field match, as they always did in the last ten minutes of their training sessions.

When it was over, Ryan grabbed his towel and wiped the sweat from his face. He took a large swig of water from his drink bottle, his gaze fixed back to the people sitting under the tree.

“You need a ride home?” Dom asked him, breaking Ryan from his reverie yet again.

“Uh, no, I’m, ah, gonna hit the library.” Ryan informed him.

“The library?” Dom asked skeptically. “You still thinking about college?”

Ryan shrugged his shoulders, hoping that it passed off as non-committal. No Atwoods had been to college for several generations now, a tradition that was seemingly cheerfully upheld by his relatives.

Despite this, Dom had played the good cousin, making the long trek to Berkeley with Ryan under the guise of a weekend camping trip. No one seemed to question the fact that neither boy had camped anywhere outside their own back yard ever. Dom had been supportive, agreeing that it would be awesome to attend. But he was also a realist, and he’d gently let Ryan down knowing that there was no way Frank and Dawn could afford to send him there. When I get rich, Dom had promised, when I finally land that dream job that will get me rich, I’ll fucking pay for you to go to college. Anywhere you want.

“I’ve got one more major paper to hand in for my most important subject.” Ryan informed him. “Maybe I just want to finish high school on a good note.”

“Ryan, Shakespeare… doesn’t exactly help on the construction zone.” Dom reminded him, obviously trying to bring him back to reality.

Ryan shrugged his shoulders again, then bumped fists with him and watched Dom head to the parking lot. When he was out of sight, Ryan gathered his backpack, and before he lost his nerve, headed in the direction of the tree. He approached as one would approach a skittish horse, or his drunk father.

“Seth?” Ryan asked tentatively.

“Yeah?” Seth’s eyes lingered over the current sentence he was reading, index finger marking his place, before gazing up at the figure towering over him. Ryan could see the recognition hit him. “Oh, ah, Ryan. Right? I mean, of course it’s you. It’s just that. Without the Zorro, and with the actual eyes, and ah. Um. Did you want to sit down?”

Ryan grinned and sat himself down next to Seth.

“What are you doing here?” Seth asked. “I mean, obviously some sort of activity that requires physical exertion, with the sweating and water bottle and all. Oh! That’s right, you play soccer here. Please say something to shut me up now, cos I’m likely to go on like this until…”

“Seth.” Ryan interrupted. “Breathe.”

Seth closed his eyes and took a dramatically deep breath.

“Better?” Ryan inquired, a slight smirk pulling at his lips. Seth remained silent and nodded his head.

“I guess I really didn’t expect to see you again. I looked out for you at the party after the toast, but couldn’t see you anywhere.” Seth began, speaking more calmly.

“Uh, something came up and we had to leave.” Ryan offered, knowing that it wasn’t totally false.

“Something like a family emergency?” Seth asked. “Or something like you finding out that I’m an heir to the Nichol fortune?”

Ryan paused, mid-sip of his drink bottle, and regarded Seth closely. He noticed features of Seth that he hadn’t when he was wearing his Batman mask. His high cheekbones, his deep warm chocolate eyes.

Seth shrugged his shoulders and pulled at some grass from under his feet. “You’re surprised I noticed?”

It was Ryan’s turn to shrug. “When did you know?”

“That you were an Atwood?” Ryan nodded for him to continue. “My cousin, Summer, told me when she came to get me before the speeches. She wasn’t totally sure, but when you did your disappearing act I gathered she was right.”

“Sorry.” Ryan shrugged.

Seth continued to pull up the grass. “No biggie.” He sighed. “I mean, it would’ve been cool, being friends and all.” Seth saw Ryan raise an eyebrow at that. “I mean, if we were going to be friends.” He paused uncertainly, before the edges of his mouth pulled into a smile. “Which we totally were, and you know it.”

Ryan laughed at him before his expression turned more sober. “Maybe. But I guess now we won’t really get the chance to know.”

“Doesn’t look like.” Seth agreed, his tone glib. “Do you know how quickly I’d be disinherited if my grandfather knew I was speaking with you right now?”

“About as quickly as it would take my father to kick me out, I’m sure.” Ryan agreed.

The boys sat in an awkward silence, neither of them wanting to move from each other’s company.

“Well, we’ve had these five minutes without getting caught.” Seth paused. “Are you feeling reckless? Want to try and stretch it to a half-hour? What were you planning on doing now?”

“I was actually going to run across the road to the library.” Ryan informed him.

“The library? Dude, you’ve totally shattered this macho image I had of you in my head.”

“You had a macho image of me in your head?”

Seth’s face reddened. “Stop trying to deflect attention from the fact that you are going to visit a library like the rest of us nerds. What do you need to get there anyway?”

“Just a physics book.” Ryan informed him. “Final big assignment, you know.”

“Ah. Physics is to you what literature is to me. I have a major text response to Edgar Allen Poe, and you have… um… Refraction? Reflection? Is that physics?”

Ryan grinned at Seth and shook his head, standing up. “Come on then, Eugene.”

“Oy! Now I’m not even going to help you find your book. You’ll be sorry, my friend; that is some big library, and I know how to work the catalogue and everything.” Seth informed him.

“Whatever.” Ryan shrugged him off as they headed across the road.

The soft air-conditioning was like heaven on his still soccer-hot skin as they crossed the threshold into the library.

Seth leaned over and whispered to Ryan. “On the left side there are the digital catalogues, so use those to try and find the right book. The computers on the right are for internet usage. Just copy down the reference number then I can help you find it.”

“Thanks.” Ryan muttered, heading over towards the direction Seth had pointed him to. He was almost there when he was interrupted.

“Ryan, hi.” A female voice came from behind the counter.

“Hi, Mrs. Henderson.” Ryan greeted back. “How was Vegas?”

“Ah.” Mrs. Henderson sighed. “There’s nothing better than The Strip at night. The girls and I thought we were from Oceans Eleven standing in front of the Bellagio. What about yourself? Have you been playing soccer again?”

“Just practice tonight, real match is Saturday morning.” Ryan informed her.

“Make sure you let Mrs. Mack know what time you’ll be playing. She’s working that day and would love to see you play.”

“Tell her it’s 10am, and I will be very upset if I don’t see her by the sidelines.”

Ryan glanced over at Seth and was very gratified at the look of shock that was on his face. “How do you know her? And Mrs. Mack?”

Ryan smiled. “I study.”

“So I guess I don’t need to show you that the science books are…”

“In the second back aisle on the left. No Seth, you don’t.”

“Ryan Atwood, you surprise me.”

***

“So, I, ah, guess I better get home.” Seth sighed, slinging his messenger bag over his shoulder and looking at Ryan with an expression that looked like regret.

“I better head back too.” Ryan nodded.

“Well, man, it was nice to be your friend, even if it was just for an hour.” Seth said, shaking Ryan’s hand.

“You too.” Ryan agreed. He was surprised to feel Seth pull a little harder at his hand until he was enveloped in a hug. He cautiously leant into it, patting his back a little. Slowly, he felt himself relaxing into the embrace, and even let himself, just for a moment, forget about the world and just feel Seth’s presence.

All too soon, Seth let go of Ryan, turned on his heel and started walking away. Ryan wasn’t sure what to call these emotions he was feeling. He’d known the guy over the course of two conversations, their families were mortal enemies. Yet he couldn’t help feeling this sense of loss and regret at the thought of this boy not being in his life.

“Wait, Seth.” Ryan’s voice surprised even himself. He jogged up the road to catch up to him.

“Yeah?!” Seth spun around immediately, almost enthusiastically.

“I’ve still got your pen.” Ryan held it out to him.

“Oh.” Seth’s face fell. “Thanks.” He turned to walk away again.

Ryan briefly hesitated before calling out “What do you think about doing this again? Like, hanging out again.”

Seth turned around to face him, closing the small distance that had formed. “You want me to sneak around with you?” Seth asked cautiously.

Ryan’s eyes flashed with a hint of disappointment. “I know, sorry. You’re right, it’s too hard.”

“No, no, Ryan.” Seth shook his head vehemently. “It wasn’t a protest, it was a question. If you’re happy to sneak around, I am too.”

“Okay.” Ryan tried to hold back the smile. “Great.”

“There’s a new film on Antarctica playing at the IMAX this weekend that I was going to go to. Nerdy, I know, but if you want to come…” Seth trailed off.

“I’ll risk unleashing my inner dork.” Ryan informed him.

“Great, so how about 3.00pm. I’ll meet you at the ticket booth, and we can totally pretend we don’t know each other if we’re caught.”

Ryan’s brain scanned the Atwood clan to come up with a number of relatives he thought might be at an IMAX film on a Saturday afternoon. His internal Google turned up zero results.

“Sounds good. I’ll see you then.”

“Awesome.”

 

****

 

**REASON IS TREASON – PART THREE**

 

Seth Cohen had been praying for a more exciting life for about, oh, the last eighteen years. He thought that being of multiple faiths (Seth like to call himself trans-denominational) would get him more clout with the big man upstairs. Seth totally believed in Jesus, but whether he was the Son of God or merely a prophet… well, he can’t even take a guess at that one. He was totally hedging his bets.

As the son of one of the richest families in Orange County (or The OC as he liked to call it – he had alternative names for lots of things), Seth had led a life of receiving almost everything he wanted. He knew his existence was relatively sheltered. He went to the most prestigious high school in the area, he mingled with the elite, and had the largest comic book collection known to man. Naturally intelligent, he hadn’t ever really had to work hard to get what he wanted. School was pretty easy for him, achieving a B+ on assignments if he was feeling particularly lazy. As for other things, well, one flash of his big brown puppy-dog eyes and his Mom would cave to even the most ludicrous request (unless it had to do with his reluctance to attend a social function), and he knew he had his father twisted around his finger.

After eighteen years of this privileged and sheltered existence, Seth finally had to work hard. Really hard. He was finally an adult, an adult who could be trusted to make his own decisions. Right? His first challenges as an adult both involved circumstances that he’d been taught since birth in that small town in New York State. The Two Commandments if you will:

1\. Thou shalt attend Brown, just like thou’s parents.  
2\. Thou shalt not have anything to do with anyone by the name of Atwood.

Yes, Moses had descended from Mount Sinai with Ten Commandments for humankind, and two extra for the Jew known as Cohen, that would be handed down for generation after generation until the chosen one was born. Seth Ezekiel.

Seth had spent eighteen years complying with every request of his parents, and he knew that they were close because of this mutual trust. He knew that was why he could have whatever he wanted.

But The Two Commandments in his life, as binding and certain as death and taxes… Seth just wasn’t sure if he could promise his parents that he could abide by these any longer, despite the fact that they seemed non-negotiable. He wouldn’t be able to talk his way out of these. And typically enough, they were the only rules he has ever wanted to break. Not going to Brown, and being friends with an Atwood would mean that Seth would have to work his hardest and stealthiest to be able to have them. Luckily stealthiness was one of Seth Cohen’s superpowers.

Commandment number one, Seth could possibly handle. Because no matter how much his father wanted him to go to Brown, Seth knew in his heart-of-hearts that his mother especially would prefer her accident prone only child to remain in the state. But, as for Commandment number two; or, The Ryan Factor, as Seth liked to call it, that was a little more complicated.

Seth wasn’t the most popular boy at school. He was relegated to the dork patrol early in his education, and he can admit even to himself that he didn’t do much to remove himself from that distinction. His complete ineptitude at athletics, baseball, basketball, table tennis – practically anything involving stamina and, you know, moving at a pace quicker than a walk – didn’t win him any popularity points. Neither did his love of reading, movies, and comic books. Sure, he had friends, but he wasn’t sure that any of them actually knew him. Apart from Anna. She was awesome. And then she moved back to Pennsylvania. But they kept in touch via email and she was still the bestest friend ever. When Seth eventually branches out later in the stellar career he is totally going to have, his autobiography will be called “Not Fitting In, The Life and Times of Seth Cohen”. He was too nerdy for the cool-group, and too cool for the nerds.

And then came Ryan. Ryan with his stoicism, dry humor and good looks. Ryan, who took Seth’s traits and interests and made him feel unique because of them, and not like a freak. Ryan, who likes Seth because he’s Seth. Ryan, a friend that Seth made all on his own.

And Ryan was smart. Way smart. Potentially more intelligent than Seth, not that Seth would admit that to his face. After they had seen Antarctica at IMAX, Ryan was able to tell Seth about people who had explored it, like Shackleton and his crew. He listened to what people said, he read what was written, and he absorbed it.

In most of his friendships, Seth was the smart one. And for the first time, Seth didn’t even care that Ryan could take that mantle from him. He didn’t feel like he had to compete.

And at the heart of it all, Seth wasn’t actually too sure as to why he wasn’t allowed to be friends with Ryan in the first place. This situation of Nichol versus Atwood spanned back only a few generations, and potentially has something to do with The Newport Group or something. Seth wasn’t too sure, seeing as his parents tended to shelter him from it all. Keeping Seth informed of family dramas wasn’t listed as an interest on his Mom’s Facebook.

But even if the feud was justified, it didn’t have anything to do with Ryan. Ryan didn’t do anything but be born into a family that was at war with the family Seth was born into. They were like Romeo & Juliet, but without the elopement, and, you know, public stabbings – as far as Seth was aware.

Seth loved his parents. Adored them. But he couldn’t abide by this. He just couldn’t.

***

Seth calculated that they’d been meeting on the sly for around twenty-nine days now. Seth didn’t even need to take off his shoes and socks to count this on his toes, which totally impressed him. Because Math, not a strong point for Seth.

It felt like some sort of illicit romance to him; waiting for Ryan to finish soccer practice or work, and hiding out together for a stolen hour so as to not raise suspicion with their families at their continued absences. It was even fun, in a way. Waiting outside of the Crab Shack on weekends after Ryan finished his lunchtime shift. Reading his books or working on his graphic novel under the tree, casting the occasional glance towards the sports field where he was able to pick out Ryan’s agile and skillful moves. Meeting at the library to complete and compare their homework.

Which was where they were now, huddled together in a carrel. This was the third weekend in a row that they had met to do their homework together; after Ryan’s soccer game but before his night-shift at the Crab Shack.

“I’m so far ahead in my homework because of you,” Seth informed Ryan. “College will be a breeze if we keep this up.”

Seth thought he heard Ryan humph. “Not that I’ll be going to college.”

Seth looked up from his page and stared at Ryan in shock. “But you’re smart. Like, really smart.”

Ryan shrugged his shoulders and gritted his teeth. Seth could tell this was a sore point with him. “You’ve sent off applications though, haven’t you?”

Ryan shrugged again, looking up from his math problem. “Yeah, a few. Mainly because of my guidance counselor. But it’s not like I can afford to go, even if I do get in.”

“Your parents haven’t set aside some secret fund?”

Ryan gave Seth a sideways glare at that. “No one in my family has been to college in years, Seth.”

“But maybe they could see how smart you were as a kid and started putting money away…” Seth stopped speaking as Ryan shook his head.

“It doesn’t work like that. Any money my parents have goes into food and shelter. Anything left over goes into alcohol and cigarettes.” Ryan paused, blue eyes focused back on his math text. “Besides, they don’t know that I’ve been getting straight A’s for the last three years.”

“What about Parent-Teacher night?”

“They don’t see the point in going, so they don’t.”

“Report cards?”

“I’ve been forging Dad’s signature since I was fourteen. He asks me to do it now whenever I get anything from school.”

Seth contemplated this for a moment. “Well, what about scholarships?”

“I’m not getting my hopes up.” Ryan said with a degree of finality, again turning back to his books, conversation over. Seth wanted to pry a bit further, but this friendship was still too new, their situation too fragile, to have Ryan pissed with him already.

“My Dad wants me to go to Brown, like he and Mom did.” Seth confessed quietly. “I don’t want to.”

“Why not?” Ryan asked. “It’s supposed to be amazing, isn’t it?”

Seth shrugged. “I guess. I mean, I’ve been there. Met the professors, toured the facilities. And they were totally impressive. I can see why my parents loved it there. I can. But…”

“Not too keen on the East Coast?” Ryan inquired.

Seth shook his head. “I love California, man. I love that my Fall merges seamlessly into Winter.”

“So talk to your parents.” Ryan said simply.

Seth looked up at him through his long dark lashes. “I wish it was that easy. I don’t think my Dad has uttered a sentence that hasn’t contained the word Brown since I learned how to read.”

Ryan put a large reassuring hand over Seth’s and gave him a squeeze. “I’ve had enough of studying for one day. Will ice cream cheer you up?”

The corners of Seth’s mouth perked up into a smile. “Double chocolate fudge crunch?”

“Do you ever have any other kind?” Ryan smiled, packing up his books.

***

“This is ridiculous,” Seth announced as they sauntered along the street, keeping a good foot of distance between them. “I feel like I have to constantly look over my shoulder in case someone spots us.”

Ryan shrugged his shoulders, finishing the last of his ice cream cone. “Yeah, it sucks.”

“Why are our families even fighting anyway?” he asked. “I mean, what happened that was so bad that generations down the line can’t even talk to each other?”

“I think it had something to do with your grandfather running my grandfather out of business.” Ryan offered.

Seth turned to Ryan with a perplexed look on his face. “Did he really do that? I thought it had something to do with your grandfather burning down my grandfather’s office.”

“I don’t know what to think anymore.” Ryan sighed. “Trey still gets pretty passionate about it all, but I don’t know what’s real and what’s made up.”

Seth nodded. “I know that Summer’s brothers still get heated about it, but I have no idea why. I get the feeling that my Mom protects me from a lot.”

“Why?”

“Not sure if you’ve noticed, Ryan. But these aren’t fighting arms.” Seth lifted his puny bicep as proof.

Ryan grabbed onto his upper-arm and gave it a light squeeze. “I don’t know; there’s a little bit of muscle there. If you really dig.” He grinned, then as if he realized what he was doing, quickly dropped Seth’s arm and blushed slightly.

Seth paused for a beat before continuing their conversation as if Ryan touching his arm and feeling his muscles wasn’t a strange or intimate thing to do, ignoring the fluttering in his stomach that told him otherwise.

“Well, we can’t all have buns of steel.” he countered.

Ryan flashed a sideways smirk Seth’s way. “Buns of steel?”

Seth felt his face flush. “Did I say buns?” Ryan nodded. “I totally meant arms. Really, I really did!”

“Have you been checking me out, Seth?” Ryan asked playfully, amusement in his tone.

“Not yet, but now that you say it…” Seth halted and watched as Ryan continued stepping forward. He gave an appreciative leer.

“Cut it out, Seth.” Ryan grinned and waited for Seth to catch up to him again.

***

The afternoon sun was streaming through the clouds when things started to go bad for Seth and Ryan that afternoon. They had risked a whole day of being together – something they hadn’t dared to try yet – and things had been going well. Almost too well.

Then they rounded a corner and saw a police car up the road, stationary but with lights flashing, a disco of red and blue reflecting from shop-front windows.

“Fuck, not again.” Ryan murmured, quickly looking away from the scene a few hundred feet ahead of them.

“What? Do you know who’s being arrested?” Seth asked, trying to see into the distance himself.

“Yeah, that’s my brother, talking to the cops.” Ryan looked almost apologetically at Seth. “I’m gonna have to see what’s up.”

Seth, eyes still transfixed on the scene, also recognized a few of the people. “I think I know what this is about.”

“What?”

“The other guys there… Those are cousins Scott and Mark,” he informed Ryan. “I’m guessing they had an altercation.”

Ryan groaned, his face slightly paler than it was five minutes earlier, his jaw tightly clenched. “If anyone presses charges, Trey will go to jail for sure.”

Seth mulled this over for a few moments before suggesting, “Well, maybe they won’t.” He baulked at the incredulous look on Ryan’s face. “What? Maybe I could talk to them?”

“And say what Seth?” Ryan asked, exasperated, his tone angry. _“Please don’t press charges because I don’t want my friend’s brother imprisoned?_ Your family hates my family, and anyhow or anyway they can get to us, they will!”

Seth was taken aback by Ryan’s suddenly aggressive attitude. “Sorry, man. Just trying to help.”

Ryan stood still and took a deep breath, trying to calm himself. “I know, I’m sorry. They’ve had fights on the street before and no one pressed charges. Maybe the same thing will happen again.”

“They’ve had fights before? Since when?”

Ryan looked at Seth incredulously. “At least every month for the past three years. The police have only been involved in a few of them.” He paused. “You didn’t know this?” Seth shook his head in response. “You really are sheltered, aren’t you.”

Seth lowered his head, not used to Ryan talking to him with such disdain. He spoke up quietly. “Look, you’ve obviously got your hands full with this. Maybe you should just go and sort your brother out. I should let Dad know to go and help Scott and Mark.” Seth turned on his heel and walked away, not even saying goodbye, feeling like he’d been kicked in the stomach.

“Seth, wait.” Ryan called after him. Seth stopped in his tracks, but didn’t turn around. “Call me later. Okay?”

Seth lifted sorrowful eyes at him. “Whatever, man. I gotta go and see my Dad.”

He turned around again and left Ryan to sort out the mess with his brother. Ryan didn’t call after him a second time.

***

Seth didn’t get home until almost an hour later, walking home via the scenic route, lost in contemplation. He felt a little guilty that he didn’t head back straight away, especially if his cousins had been arrested. But Ryan had really rattled Seth, just when he was starting to become really comfortable being around him, trusting him. He didn’t want to come home and have his parents suspect he was upset.

“Dad? You home?” he called when he entered his house.

He walked through the kitchen and saw his mother sitting at the kitchen table, blank expression on her face, clutching an empty wine glass.

Seth felt his heart drop and shatter at the sight. Not again.

“Mom, are you okay?”

Seth watched Kirsten blink herself out of her stupor, a fake smile plastered on her face, her eyes glassy. “Hey sweetie, where have you been?”

“Out. Look Mom, I need to talk to Dad…”

“He’s at the police station.” Kirsten told him flatly, slurring slightly on the word station, twirling her wine glass in her hand. “A few clients were taken in a while ago.”

Seth inwardly grimaced at the half-truth told by his mother, and wondered how many times in his life they’d hidden things from him.

“Uh-huh.” Seth paused, spying the empty bottle, Exhibit A, sitting beside the sink. “These clients of Dad’s, they don’t happen to be Scott and Mark Roberts, do they?”

Seth threw a sharp and accusing glance over at Kirsten, but she was leaning on one hand, eyelids drooping.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Kirsten mumbled, her head slipping from where it was perched on the heel of her hand. Seth sighed, his heart breaking, and headed over to her, knowing she was only minutes from passing out.

“Come on, Mom.” Seth attempted to get her out of the kitchen chair, his tone less angry and more resigned. “How about you lie down for a minute.” He propped his shoulder under her arm so that she was leaning on him, lifting her up. With Seth being a fair bit taller than Kirsten, it was awkward, but at least they were moving.

Seth felt her start to drop, so he grabbed onto her slim waist tighter, hearing her mumble as they shuffled towards the downstairs guest room. “Those Atwood boys… bad news. Bad news, Seth. They killed your grandmother. They won’t stop until they’ve hurt us all.”

“Mom,” Seth protested as they reached the side of the bed. Seth gently lowered her down and swung her around so that her head rested on the pillow. He grabbed the green throw from the chair and tenderly placed it over her, then sat in the chair until her breathing evened out and he knew she was asleep. Or had passed out. Whatever.

Seth glumly headed into the kitchen, filling a water bottle and retrieving the ibuprofen from the top cupboard. Shuffling back to the guest room, he gingerly placed them on the bed-side table, knowing she’d need them later. Seth closed his eyes and wished that this was the first time he’d had to do this for Kirsten, blinking his tears away as he wondered how many other eighteen year-olds lost count of the number of times they’d had to deal with Drunk Mommy.

Heading back to the kitchen, Seth put the empty wine bottle out with the recycling and placed the used wine glass in the dishwasher.

Two hours later, he was leaning against the door-jamb, watching his mother breathe when his cell phone rang.

“Hello.” Seth answered clinically without checking who the call was from, too absorbed in his worry for his mother.

“Seth.” Seth immediately recognized Ryan’s voice, and despite his animosity from earlier on, his heart leapt at the sound.

“Ryan.” Seth said stoically. Just because he was happy to hear from Ryan didn’t mean he wasn’t still a little pissed.

“You didn’t call.” Ryan mentioned.

Seth sighed. “Yeah, well…” he trailed off.

“I just wanted to let you know, it seems like your Dad got your cousins off with a warning for disturbing the peace,” Ryan informed him. “Hopefully the DA will be able to do the same for Trey and Pete.”

“Okay. Thanks for letting me know.”

“And I wanted to say… I’m sorry… again,” Ryan started, and Seth could detect the regret in his voice. “And I wanted to see if I could make it up to you, maybe take you to that late-night Rocky Horror movie after my shift tonight?”

Seth looked forlornly at his comatose mother, tears prickling at the corner of his eyes. “I can’t tonight. I have, ah, a bit of a situation to deal with at home.”

“Oh. Okay.” Ryan sounded like he thought Seth was trying to brush him off. Which he wasn’t, despite how Ryan had treated him earlier.

Seth sighed. “But maybe tomorrow we could just chill somewhere.” Seth offered. “Just us.”

“I’m working until three – did you want to meet me at the Crab Shack? There’s a spot on the beach we can go to.”

Seth nodded, despite the fact that Ryan couldn’t see him, and after muttering in the affirmative and closing his phone, the words of his mother echoed in his head.

_Those Atwood boys… bad news. Bad news, Seth._

Seth hoped that his Mom’s drunken ramblings were not prophetic.

 

**REASON IS TREASON – PART FOUR**

 

Ryan was nervous about meeting up with Seth after his shift was over. He had tried to tell himself that the churning in his stomach was to do with hunger and not dread; that he didn’t care about what Seth thought of him. But then behind his eyes an image would flash of those chocolate curls so thick and springy that you just wanted to sink your fingers in, or those sorrowful brown eyes from the day before that held so much heartache. After messing up the fourth order for the day, Ryan finally stopped kidding himself and admitted that the thought of Seth not wanting to be his friend anymore really disturbed him.

The minute three o’clock rolled around, marking the end of his shift, Ryan grabbed his brown jacket, shrugged it on, and let his supervisor know that he was done for the day. Whatever’s gotten to you today, Ryan, she had said, make sure you sort it out before your next shift.

Ryan exited through the restaurant’s rear door to find Seth, predictably, waiting for him with a coffee in each hand. That guy was more on-time than a metronome.

“Hey.” Seth said uncertainly, looking up at Ryan from his seated position on the steps through his long dark lashes.

“Hey.” Ryan tentatively greeted. They continued to stare at each other like a scene from a daytime soap opera, before Seth stood and held out a coffee cup towards him.

“Peace offering?” Seth suggested cautiously, his voice shaking slightly.

Ryan took note of Seth’s slouched posture and sunken eyes. He wasn’t the vibrant Seth that he was used to, and Ryan couldn’t help but feel at least partly to blame. “You’ve got nothing to be sorry for. It’s me who should be arriving with the coffee.”

Seth shrugged his shoulders and kicked at the random dust on the ground. “It’s not poisoned or anything. But if you don’t want it…” Seth paused. “It’s a latte, extra strong, one sugar.”

“Just the way I like it,” Ryan responded, the corners of his mouth turning up slightly, both at Seth’s thoughtfulness, and the knowledge that Seth knew his coffee order. “After the weekend I’ve had, caffeine will definitely help.”

Ryan could sense Seth starting to relax a little as he returned his smile. “You said something about a quiet spot on the beach?” Seth reminded him.

“Sure, it’s about a twenty-minute walk, but worth it.”

The boys commenced their journey to Ryan’s hiding spot, neither of them noticing the lone figure in the parking lot who watched their entire exchange.

***

“Wow, Ryan,” Seth began. “This is amazing.”

They had walked along the soft golden sand until they came across an abandoned lifeguard tower. Ryan had discovered it a few years earlier; a hiding place where he could sit and relax without feeling the pressure of the world; either from his parents or his teachers. The sounds of the water rolling in waves, lapping at the rocks, the random bird life… it was almost soothing to him. He’d yet to share this spot with anyone, but Seth wanted a place to chill, just them. And Ryan couldn’t think of anyone who deserved to share the tranquility more.

“It’s quiet.” Ryan mentioned.

“And yet you’re bringing me here,” Seth mused, the spark briefly returning to his eyes. “I’m flattered.”

They sat next to each other on the decking, leaning the back of their heads against the chipped paint of the structure.

“Seth,” Ryan broke the silence. “About yesterday. I’m sorry for treating you like I did. I shouldn’t have spoken to you like that.”

He watched Seth lower his head to his chest and take a deep breath, steeling himself. “I know that it was a shitty situation yesterday,” Seth acknowledged. “But I get enough people talking to me like that at school. I really didn’t need to get it from you as well.”

“I know,” Ryan stated meekly. “It’s just, when I saw Trey being questioned by the cops, and then with your cousins there also… Trey’s been in trouble with the law a few times now, and I was worried that this time he’d be put away.”

“I know you were worried about your brother,” Seth admitted, picking up Ryan’s hand, sliding his fingertips along the underside of Ryan’s palm and fingers, his eyes concentrating on every movement. “But it would be really awesome if you could not take it out on me. I thought we were friends.”

“We are.” Ryan interrupted.

“Well,” Seth turned his head to look directly into Ryan’s eyes. Ryan felt like he was diving into a sea of chocolate. “Good.”

Ryan squeezed Seth’s hand that he was still holding before letting it go.

“Did you want to tell me what happened with Trey?” Seth asked. “I mean, I totally understand if you don’t want to, what, with the whole families are mortal enemies and all.”

Ryan shrugged his shoulders and stared out into the ocean. “We got the best result we could hope for really. He’s now on an official warning, next time he’ll be behind bars for sure. Pete, his friend, got the same.”

Seth nodded at that. “Scott and Mark got a warning too, just like you told me over the phone.”

They sat in a comfortable silence for a few minutes, the warm salt breeze and the sound of waves gently lapping the shore filling their senses.

“Are you okay?” Ryan asked, interrupting the peace. “You said on the phone that you had a family drama?”

Ryan’s heart clenched at the sight of Seth visibly flinching from the comment. “Is it okay if I don’t talk about that? I mean, I want to. And maybe I even will, one day. It’s just probably the type of thing I shouldn’t talk about outside the family.”

“Sure.” Ryan told him, a little hurt but not wanting to pry.

“But thanks,” Seth told him sincerely, shuffling closer to Ryan so that their legs were touching. “Thanks for caring.”

Ryan reached his hand over and gave Seth’s thigh a light squeeze, and then they just sat there, absorbed in the peace and tranquility of Ryan’s no longer secret hideaway.

***

It was just after six o’clock that evening when Ryan finally made it home. Stepping through the threshold and randomly calling out I’m home to whoever wanted to listen, Ryan wearily made his way to his bedroom.

The afternoon with Seth had been good. Better than good. After the events of the day before, he really had been worried that he would lose his friendship, or whatever it was that he had with Seth. But he hadn’t. Seth had come armed with coffee and eventually a smile, and Ryan really didn’t want to analyze how much it all meant to him.

Opening his bedroom door, he flung his bag and jacket into the corner of his room.

And that’s when he noticed that there was someone on his bed.

Dom was sprawled on Ryan’s single bed, dark curly hair in drastic need of a cut. He looked up from his book.

“What are you doing here, Dom?” Ryan asked him.

“I was waiting for you to come home, dear cousin. So I thought I’d catch up on some light reading,” he snapped the book closed and tapped the front cover. “Romeo & Juliet is such a tragic story, isn’t it?”

Ryan sighed and wearily ran his hand down his face, not really having the energy to deal with Dominic and his cryptic messages and double meanings. He grabbed at the text he had studied at school the year before from him, and pitched it towards his bookshelf. “What do you want, Dom?”

“I came to pick you up from work this afternoon,” Dom informed him. “I was in the area and thought that you might have wanted a ride home.”

Ryan shrugged his shoulders and toed his shoes off. “Thanks anyway, but I had plans today.”

“That’s just it.” Dom pointed his finger dramatically at Ryan. “You never have plans after work on a Sunday.”

“Because that’s when I usually have homework to do,” Ryan informed him, the beginnings of frustration creeping into his voice, knowing what his cousin was implying. Or more importantly, what he was trying to get Ryan to admit. “But I got it all done yesterday, so I made plans. Out with it, man. What are you suggesting?”

Dom bounced off the bed and invaded what Ryan would call his personal space. Ryan’s personal space spanned a lot wider than most. “You know exactly what I’m suggesting,” Dom started. “Look, Ryan. We’re cousins on your mother’s side, so I’m not an Atwood. I don’t care how many mortal enemies you hang out with. But seriously, have you thought about this?”

Ryan groaned and dropped down to sit on his bed. “I’m an adult, Dom.”

“Technically, you’re not an adult for another two weeks.” Dom informed him, taking a seat next to Ryan.

“This has got nothing to do with who anyone is related to. He’s just… kinda cool to hang out with.” Ryan sighed.

“We are talking about Seth Cohen, right?” Dom asked.

Ryan shot him his patented sideways glare. “He’s not afraid to be himself.”

“I hear that’s part of the problem.” Dom countered. When Ryan didn’t respond, he continued. “Look, man. We used to tell each other everything. But how you two acted outside the Crab Shack today… this isn’t one of the first times you’ve hung out, huh?”

“It’s no ones business but ours.” Ryan told him.

“How Brokeback of you.”

“It’s none of your business, Dom.” Ryan raised his voice slightly.

“You know this is bad, Ryan. You know you shouldn’t be doing this, otherwise you would have told me about it. I can only imagine what Uncle Frank will say when he finds out.”

“Who says he’s going to find out?”

Dom shrugged. “Nothing’s ever a secret in this family for long.”

They sat in silence for a few minutes, Ryan staring at his feel, Dom picking at a hangnail. Finally, Ryan sighed, defeated. “About a month.”

“Huh?”

“It’s been about a month since we started hanging out.” Ryan reluctantly told him.

“Okay,” Dom nodded, absorbing the information. “So your quick escapes after soccer training?”

“I’ve been meeting Seth.” Ryan admitted.

“And that day you forgot I was meeting you after school?”

“Seth.”

“And that party you refused to go to with Trey and Pete, even though half your class was going to be there?”

“We went to the movies.”

“Jesus Christ, Ryan.” Dom shook his head. “I know you don’t love going to parties, but you usually attend to make sure Trey behaves himself if not anything else.”

“I can’t be his keeper forever.”

”You’ve got it bad for Seth, don’t you?”

Ryan concentrated his gaze on his clasped hands. As much as he didn’t want anyone else to know about his friendship with Seth, it felt good to get it off his chest. But Dom seemed to be heading into a territory that Ryan didn’t even want to think about yet.

Dom let out a deep breath and muttered gloomily. “Your Dad’s gonna kick your ass.”

Ryan sighed and fell backwards on the mattress. Staring at the ceiling, he murmured what he knew would eventually be the truth. “Probably.”

***

 

**REASON IS TREASON - PART FIVE**

Seth bounced out of school as soon as he heard the final bell of the day, excitement pooling in his stomach. Or was it the chicken burrito he’d had for lunch? No, definitely excitement.

Life had been pretty good since that horrible Saturday ten days earlier. His Mom hadn’t seemed to have touched the bottle since that night, which was a relief to Seth, because she generally had a few rocky weeks anytime she fell off the wagon. He had just gotten his college acceptance letters that morning, and had no sooner thought of calling Ryan to talk about it when he received a text from him saying Meet me after school at lifeguard station? – R.

The only downer of the past ten days was the lack of Seth/Ryan time, as Seth liked to call it. They’d only seen each other twice since then, and while that might seem like a decent amount of time to most, Seth was getting used to the three-times weekly activities. But apparently Ryan’s friends and relatives were starting to get suspicious of his lack of availability, so Seth had to get used to the reduced visits. And he totally understood. If anyone actually found out they were spending time together, it could halt them seeing each other altogether. Three times every few weeks was better than the alternative.

Seth’s grin started to fade as he approached the tower and saw Ryan’s posture slightly slumped as if something was wrong; his shoulders hunched forward and his head resting on his chest.

“Ryan?” Seth questioned more than stated as he ascended the ramp.

“Hey, Seth.” Ryan returned with an attempt at cheerfulness, but his expression was somewhat morose.

“Who kicked your puppy?” Seth asked, reaching out and gripping Ryan’s hand in a shake before sitting down next to him.

Ryan snorted in amusement as he took a large, bulky envelope out of his school bag and handed it to Seth. Seth’s brown eyes widened at the University of California, Berkeley emblazoned on the top left-hand corner.

“Hey! I got one of those too!” Seth shrieked in a totally non-girly way, removing his own envelope from his bag and handing it to Ryan.

Ryan looked up at Seth through his lashes. “What about Brown?”

Seth shrugged sheepishly. “Yeah, well. I may have posted off my decline today.”

“Without discussing it with your Dad?”

“He can’t do anything if they already have my refusal,” Seth said hastily. “I’ll have to tell him soon though.”

“You wanted Berkeley?” Ryan enquired.

“Dude, have you seen the place?”

Ryan nodded. “Actually, yeah, I have.”

“And it’s awesome, right? It just feels like me, and safe, and home. Don’t get me wrong. Newport Beach? Not my favorite place on Earth. But Berkeley with the college students and the coffee lounges and the books, oh Ryan, the books! And San Francisco just down the road, and the Pacific!”

Ryan interrupted Seth’s rambling with an incredulous sideways look.

“What?” Seth questioned. “You’re surprised I like the ocean? I know, it’s not like I surf, or, you know, go swimming or anything. We just have an affinity, dude.”

“You and the Pacific Ocean? This Pacific Ocean? Have an affinity?” Ryan asked dubiously.

“Oh good. You understand. I thought you’d think I was a freak.” Seth mentioned sarcastically.

“In the nicest possible way.” Ryan mused.

Despite the insult, or maybe because of, Seth noted that Ryan’s mood had lifted slightly. “So tell me man, why the sour mood? You obviously got in too,” he trailed off when the lightening bolt hit. “Oh, finances. That sucks man.”

Ryan shook his head at Seth. “Open the envelope.”

Seth gave Ryan a curious look as his eyes scanned his congratulations letter. “Holy fuck,” he cursed. “Ryan… this means…”

Ryan nodded his head as excitement crossed Seth’s face. “Yeah. Academic scholarship. It doesn’t include housing, but it would cover my tuition.”

“Oh my God, Jesus and Moses,” Seth breathed out. At Ryan’s querying glance Seth filled in for him. “I’m half Christian, half Jewish. I have to keep all the deity’s pleased.”

Ryan waited until Seth finished reading the letter before speaking again. “So, what do you think I should you?”

“What do I think you should do? Are you insane?” Seth wondered aloud. “Accept it, man. Today.”

“It’s more complicated than that.” Ryan began before being interrupted by Seth.

“We can be roommates!” Seth exclaimed excitedly. “We can be like the odd couple! You can be the cool one who is tidy to obsessive compulsive standards, and I’ll be the messy nerd. It will be brilliant!”

“It would be great. Mom, Dad, this is Ryan Atwood, my roommate. You might know his father, Frank?” Ryan suggested.

Seth’s grin faded. “Way to burst my bubble, dude.”

“Besides,” Ryan shrugged. “I’m not even sure I’ll be going.”

Seth turned more serious. “You keep saying that, and I keep not understanding why.”

“You don’t understand my family, Seth,” Ryan started. “Most of them haven’t even finished high school let alone go to college.”

“Exactly, they’ll be so proud of you.” Seth interjected.

“No, they won’t,” Ryan sighed. “They’re not like your family, Seth. They think that anyone who wants to improve themselves, do some further study or whatever, thinks they’re too good for the family. That they’re above them.”

“But that’s not true, just because you’re intelligent enough to get a freaking scholarship, doesn’t mean you think you’re any better than them.”

“I know that, but they don’t,” Ryan looked out towards the horizon before continuing. “Besides, Dad’s lined me up a job with his construction firm as soon as school’s out, and my family sure could use the extra money I’d bring in.”

“So work during the summer until classes start,” Seth offered, putting a hand on Ryan’s shoulder. “Then come to college with me. We could actually, you know, hang out without looking over our shoulders. We could be friends in public. I could introduce you to people and say _oh yeah, this is my friend, Ryan Atwood_ and they totally wouldn’t care.”

Ryan smiled briefly. “That would be a good thing. But I don’t know Seth, I’m going to have to think about it.”

“Look into my eyes, Ryan,” Seth started. “Look into my eyes and tell me you do not want to go to college. That you don’t want to get a degree in engineering, and that you don’t want to design and test all of those structures that your Dad builds.”

Ryan shifted his gaze to Seth’s face. “I want to go to college, Seth.”

“Then go.”

“My family really need me to earn some money.”

“And you will, in about seven years you’ll be earning way more money that your Dad and brother combined.”

“They need the money now, Seth,” Ryan shook his head. “But I want this so badly I can taste it. I’ve worked so hard for this.”

Seth could almost see the cogs turning in Ryan’s brain. “You are going to accept, aren’t you?”

Ryan closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. “Probably. I’d be insane not to, right?”

Seth tried to contain his grin. “That’s what I said.”

Seth shuffled closer to Ryan and stretched his arm out across the back of his neck. Ryan leaned back and rested his head against Seth’s shoulder.

“They’re going to hate me.” Ryan sighed and Seth gripped a little tighter. “They’re going to hate me.”

***

It was Friday before Seth finally decided to bite the bullet and get this horrible conversation over with. He was a skilled procrastinator, but there was no point in rearranging the deck-chairs on the Titanic. It was going to sink no matter what.

“Mom, Dad. Can I talk to you about something?” Seth asked at the dinner table.

Kirsten nervously put her knife and fork down and took a large gulp of her orange juice. Seth hoped there wasn’t any vodka in it.

“Sure, son, what is it?” Sandy inquired, shooting a curious glance at Kirsten who only shrugged her shoulders at him.

“So, uh, college acceptances came out this week.” Seth began.

“I thought you should have heard something by now.” Sandy mentioned, picking up his fork and stabbing at a piece of chicken.

“Yeah, well. I got accepted to five of the colleges I applied to,” Seth informed them, attempting uplifting but contradicting himself by pulling at the collar of his polo shirt to let some air in.

“Including Brown, right?” Kirsten asked with a smile on her face.

Seth coughed a little and took a sip of his water. “Including Brown.”

“I knew he was Brown material,” Sandy boasted to Kirsten. “Didn’t I tell you he was Brown material?”

“Yeah, but Dad, Brown isn’t really Seth material.” Seth interrupted before his father’s smile overtook his eyebrows as the most prominent feature of his face.

“What?” Kirsten asked.

“Brown didn’t feel right,” Seth muttered softly. “I don’t want to go there.”

“Brown didn’t feel right?” Sandy asked tightly. “But Seth, it’s Ivy League. We’ve been talking about this for years. You’ve wanted to go for years.”

“You have been talking about it for years. You have wanted me to go for years. And I can totally see why you and Mom loved it there.”

“Then what’s the issue?” Sandy asked abruptly.

“I just don’t want to move to Rhode Island, and I don’t want to go to Brown. I’ve lived amongst the elite my whole life. I want diversity, I want to go to Berkeley.”

“Berkeley? What does Berkeley have that Brown doesn’t.”

“Well, for starters, Berkeley has my acceptance letter,” Seth told him defiantly.

“That’s neither here nor there. We can call and let them know you’ve changed your mind.”

“I’ve already sent my rejection to Brown, Dad.” Seth informed him.

“I still know a few people there, we can let them you’ve made a mistake.” Sandy interjected.

“I haven’t made a mistake, Dad!” Seth raised his voice in exasperation. “I want to go to Berkeley. I am going to Berkeley.”

“Calm down, boys.” Kirsten interrupted.

“I am calm,” Seth took a deep breath. “You guys have trusted me and my judgment for eighteen years. I toured Brown, and I toured Berkeley. And Berkeley feels like home to me. I feel comfortable there, like I belong. Their Arts program rocks,” Seth paused again, gathering his thoughts. “I’ve done the analysis, I’ve weighed up the pros and cons. And this is just… right. I’ve spent my whole life being the outsider and not fitting in. I just want to be somewhere for once in my life that fits me. Berkeley does. And I’m sorry if you feel like I’m betraying you guys, it wasn’t my intention. My gut instinct tells me I’ve made the right decision. You just have to keep trusting me. Please.”

Seth saw Sandy open his mouth to speak, but shut it again when Kirsten shot him a look.

“Can you leave us to talk a moment, sweetie?” Kirsten asked.

“Sure, I’m not very hungry anymore anyway.” Seth muttered, pushing his half-finished plate aside and rising from the table. He ascended the stairs to his bedroom, and collapsed on his bed with the television remote. He channel surfed for a while before settling on Friends re-runs on TBS. Seth pulled out his phone and texted Ryan.

_Told the ‘rents. Dad not impressed but no surprises there. How r u?_

A minute later he had a reply. _Ur Dad will come around. Here if u need me. Mom has me cleaning. I’d rather be doing literature homework with u, and u know how much I hate that._

_Ew, glad we have Rosa for that. Wish we could go to a movie or something tomorrow. How long is ur family thing for?_

_It’s all day. I’m not thrilled either. See you Sunday after work tho?_

_Definitely!_

An hour later Seth was still in the same position on his bed, still watching Friends. This episode was the one where Ross is being unbearably jealous of Rachel’s co-worker, Mark. Seth remembered the Ross and Rachel sagas annoying the crap out of him when the show first aired, watching it again was like pulling teeth.

“Seth, honey?” He heard Kirsten tap softly at the door.

“Yeah?” Seth responded, sitting up as his mother walked in and sat herself next to him, grasping his hand.

“So. Berkeley huh?” She smiled. Seth’s grin widened when he realized that she must have been able to talk his Dad around.

“You’re okay with this?” Seth asked.

Kirsten nodded. “Your father will take another few weeks to come around. You have to understand, he had the time of his life at Brown, and he just wanted to you share it with you.”

“I know, Mom. But this is my life. Dad and I are so different, who says I’d have fun living his life?”

“You’re not so different, you know,” Kirsten commented. “You’re both compassionate people, you are passionate about what you believe in, you both have a quirky sense of humor.”

“Please don’t tell me you just compared my witty sarcasm to his slapstick?”

Kirsten chose to ignore that comment. “We love you, Seth. We want what makes you happy. If going to Berkeley makes you happy, then we will support you. Give your Dad some time, he’ll get there.” Kirsten leaned over and lightly kissed his cheek.

Seth let out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding. “Thanks, Mom. It means a lot.”

“You’re welcome,” she said, rising from his bed. “You’ve been so secretive lately, Seth. Has this been playing on your mind?”

“I’ve been secretive?” At Kirsten nodding her head, Seth continued. “Well, yeah, maybe. I was really worried about telling you guys.”

“Well, truth be told, I like the idea that my baby will be just up the coast rather than the other side of the country,” Kirsten confided. “Just don’t tell your father.”

“Swears,” Seth promised, crossing his heart. “And Mom. Thanks.”

Kirsten smiled sweetly before exiting the room.

Seth flopped back on his bed.

Crisis number one was averted. He wasn’t sure that it would be so well received if they found out he was friends with Ryan Atwood. But they never had to find that out. Once they were at Berkeley together, they could do whatever they liked.

***

Ryan weaved in and out of his opponents, kicking the soccer ball along with his rapid movements before passing it across the ground to his team mate. To say he was tired was an understatement. It was barely eleven o’clock in the morning and it had been an eventful day already. He’d spent the night before helping his mother clean the house from top to bottom before the entire clan descended upon Casa Atwood. Ryan smiled as he realized that the term Casa Atwood was something he’d picked up from Seth, who regularly referred to his McMansion as the Casa Cohen.

Ryan focused his attention back to the game at hand, running forward and taking a pass from Dom. He quickly passed it off to another team mate before running to their left to accept another pass so he could attempt a goal. It sailed over the net by mere inches, earning a hiss of “ooh” from the small crowd gathered to watch.

Ryan clasped his hands to his head at the near-miss, and shot a quick look towards the spectators, spotting some of his family members there. They probably arrived at the house early and were sent here by his mother. Birthdays weren’t something that was generally made a big deal of in his household, but Dawn was determined to throw him a party for his eighteenth.

The final horn sounded, Ryan’s team lost two-one, and he muttered something to Dom under his breath about it not being the best start to the day before shaking the hands of his opponents. He headed to the sidelines and took a large gulp of Gatorade from his bottle when he felt a pair of hands cover his eyes from behind, and a distinctly female voice whisper guess who.

Ryan grabbed at the hands and spun around to be confronted with a tall, gorgeous brunette with deep brown eyes and wavy hair.

“Theresa, what are you doing here?” He gasped, picking her up and spinning her around on the spot.

“You think I’d miss your eighteenth birthday?” She asked, grinning wildly.

“But you haven’t been home for months, and you should be at college,” Ryan mentioned, rubbing his hands up and down her arms thinking how good it was to see her.

“Well I’ve made an exception for you. Come on, Ryan, we’ve been best friends since we were in diapers. I couldn’t miss the birthday of my favorite next door neighbor.”

“It’s awesome that you’re here,” Ryan mentioned. “You didn’t have to come all this way for me.”

“That’s bullshit, Ryan. You would do the same for me,” Theresa noted. “Happy birthday.”

“Thanks.” Ryan grinned before Theresa leant forward to plant a dry kiss on his lips and grabbed his shoulders in a hug again. Grinning wildly, Ryan hugged her back.

And that was when he noticed Seth watching them. Seth, who must have watched his game. Seth, trying his best at stealth, wearing a hoodie pulled over his hair to try and get through the game undetected by any of Ryan’s relatives.

Seth, who stood there with sorrowful brown eyes and a hurt expression on his face.

Seth, who was turning on his heel and walking away at a fast pace.

“Fuck.” Ryan muttered, wriggling out of Theresa’s embrace. “Seth!” He called out unthinking and not caring who was around.

“Ryan, what’s up?” Theresa asked.

Ryan looked between Theresa’s confused expression, and the back of Seth’s rapidly retreating figure.

“Um, I’ll be back in a minute.” Ryan told her, before taking off after Seth.

***

Seth couldn’t believe how stupid he’d been. Knowing he wasn’t going to be seeing Ryan again for another day, he’d gotten dressed and headed to the park to watch him play soccer. He’d at least be able to see him there, even if they couldn’t have any contact. After the argument with his father he really wanted the comfort that being in Ryan’s presence brought him.

Although Seth didn’t quite understand the game, he could feel the excitement whenever either team got the ball down their end. He felt the apprehension of the crowd when Ryan’s kick landed just above the net, but it still seemed to miss by quite a bit and Seth wasn’t sure why everyone was acting like it was almost a goal when it clearly wasn’t.

And then the end of the game came and Ryan was accosted by a female spectator who was almost certainly extremely close to Ryan. Seth could probably guess why it was eating him up inside, but he really didn’t want to. He didn’t want to think of any feelings that had been stirring up inside of him as of late. But this girl, with her beautiful hair and gorgeous figure, and lips that had kissed Ryan…

And yeah, that’s it. Seth knows why he’s so upset about it and it has nothing to do with any part of him that he thinks might be hidden deep down inside. He’s been hanging out with Ryan for almost two months now, and not once has he mentioned a girlfriend. All this time he’s said nothing. And suddenly over the past few weeks they have been seeing less of each other and suddenly it was all falling into place.

Ryan has a girlfriend.

Well, isn’t that a kick to the guts.

Seth continued to walk along the footpath at a pace that had to set a new Seth land-speed record, wiping the occasional tear from his eye caused by the cold wind in his face and nothing to do with the gnawing in his stomach or the jealousy at the very thought of that girl’s hands all over his Ryan. And when had Seth started thinking of Ryan as his? This was going to hurt worse than he thought.

“Seth!” Seth could hear his name being called out, but he continued walking, not daring to look over his shoulder at Ryan gaining on him. “Seth, slow down!”

Seth did slow down, but it was more to do with his lack of fitness and inability to maintain the pace than it was to do with obeying Ryan’s instructions. Really, it was.

“Seth.” Ryan muttered breathlessly when he finally caught up to Seth, pulling on his shoulders and nudging him into an alley between two buildings where they had some privacy.

“Seth.” Ryan repeated, grasping both sides of Seth’s head with his hands, trying to get him to look at him. Seth’s gaze continued to be fixed on the ground. “It’s not what it looks like.”

“It’s okay, Ryan. No need to explain anything to me. So you have a girlfriend and you didn’t tell me, it doesn’t matter. It’s not like you had an obligation,” he muttered to the ground.

“She’s not my girlfriend, Seth,” Ryan said desperately, tucking a lock of Seth’s hair behind his ear. 

Seth looked up at that. “Really? Cos the evidence was to the contrary.”

“I can imagine what it looked like, Seth.”

“Especially with the joyous hugging and the kissing and the smiling. You hardly ever smile, Ryan.”

“Seth, she’s not my girlfriend, okay. You’ve got to believe me.” Ryan searched Seth’s eyes, his gaze dropping to Seth’s mouth and whispered. “And you make me smile all the time.”

Seth licked his suddenly dry lips, and closed his eyes at Ryan’s comment and the feel of his warm fingers trailing along his jaw. He opened his eyes again and was drawn to Ryan’s lips, a nervous flutter in his stomach and too many emotions racing through his body to keep up with. Their faces were so close that Seth could feel Ryan’s breath ghosting his cheekbones.

“I should believe you?” Seth asked tentatively, looking up into Ryan’s eyes which were still darting between Seth’s eyes and mouth.

Ryan swallowed hard and nodded his head. “You should, because… because…”

And suddenly Ryan’s lips were upon his, his tongue poking out and lightly running along the seam of Seth’s lips, his hands still gripping Seth’s face. It took Seth a moment to get over the shock, to let the unnamed feelings rush through him.

Ryan pulled back to gauge Seth’s reaction, but Seth wasn’t having any of that. He snaked a hand behind Ryan’s neck and pulled him forward again. As their lips connected, Ryan took charge, pushing Seth towards the wall of the building they were standing beside. Seth gasped slightly as the back of his head hit the wall, surprised it was so close, but he recovered quickly and opened his mouth slightly to deepen the kiss.

And holy Moses, Ryan could kiss. Seth was grateful that the wall was behind him, supporting him. Ryan’s body was pressed so close to Seth’s that an envelope couldn’t wedge between them. Seth’s hands wound through Ryan’s sweaty hair, and he darted his tongue into Ryan’s mouth, finding his and entwining and tangling and sending quakes and shivers from Seth’s toes right up his body. It was hot and forceful, and so, so right, until it was softer and messy and breathtakingly slow.

And the one thing Seth had been waiting for his whole life.

They kissed until oxygen became a necessity, and even then they just rested their foreheads against each other, their breath mingling as they inhaled deeply. Seth had one hand at the back of Ryan’s neck, the other on the small of his back, holding him close. Ryan had one hand wound into Seth’s springy curls, the other resting on his chest.

“Holy crapsticks, Batman.” Seth breathed, and felt Ryan’s shoulders shake in laughter.

“You could say that,” Ryan commented. “Ordinary people wouldn’t, but you would.”

“Dude, you just kissed me. No teasing.” Seth protested.

“Unless I’m seriously mistaken, I believe that was your tongue in my mouth,” Ryan reminded him, smiling.

They stood there, drinking each other in, exchanging soft kisses, the kind of kisses with no tongue, just a closeness.

“So, that girl,” Seth started, pulling Ryan closer. “If she’s not your girlfriend, who is she?”

“She’s my best friend, my old neighbor,” Ryan told him. “Her name is Theresa, she’s studying in Texas and I haven’t seen her since Christmas.”

“Why is she here now?” Seth asked curiously, stealing another kiss.

Ryan hesitated before answering. “It’s… uh… It’s my birthday today.”

Seth’s eyes widened at the news. “It’s your birthday and you didn’t tell me? Is that the family thing you have today?”

Ryan nodded. “And I really want you to be there. But with the whole…”

“Nichol thing, I know.” Seth sighed. “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me. I don’t have a present or anything.”

Ryan wrapped both arms around Seth’s waist, gently pulling him from the wall. “This is more than enough. And I really should get going before Dominic sends out a search party.”

They regretfully disentangled themselves, and Seth suddenly felt shy now that they were standing apart. He shoved his hands in the back pockets of his jeans and watched Ryan walk away from him. “Well, have fun at your birthday party.”

Ryan turned around and smiled. “Thanks. I’ll see you tomorrow though, right?”

Seth nodded, his smile overtaking his face. “I’ll meet you at the lifeguard tower after you finish work.”

“Okay,” Ryan agreed. “Is this going to be weird now?”

“Probably,” Seth replied. “Regrets?”

In answer, Ryan walked back towards Seth and wrapped his arms around him, pulling him in for one last toe-curling kiss. Letting go of Seth, he whispered “None.”

As Ryan walked away from him again, he turned around and said, “Thanks for watching my soccer match. It’s not often that people come out for it.”

“No problems,” Seth told him. Ryan had walked a few more steps when Seth called out to him. “Can you explain one more thing to me, Ryan?”

Ryan turned around again, a nervous look on his face. “Sure.”

“What the fuck is the off-side rule?”

Seth watched Ryan’s lips curve into a smile. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Seth.”

“Bye.”

Watching Ryan’s retreating figure, Seth brought his fingers to his still tingling lips. He may not have wanted to admit it to himself, but Ryan was everything he never knew he wanted.

For the first time in a long time, Seth felt like his life might actually not suck.

 

**REASON IS TREASON – PART SIX**

By eight o’clock on the night of his birthday party, Ryan was feeling pleasantly buzzed. He wasn’t sure if it was the feeling of having his family around him, the tequila Trey had been sneaking him all afternoon, or the warmth he could still feel from Seth’s kisses, but he was definitely buzzed.

“Enjoying yourself?” Dom interrupted Ryan’s reverie. Ryan had just taken a bathroom break and was standing on the back decking looking around at all the commotion.

“Hmm?” Ryan responded until his words sunk in. “Oh, yeah, everything’s great. Everyone seems to be having fun.”

Ryan cast his gaze over his small backyard at the myriad of uncles and aunts and cousins and second cousins and family friends that had descended upon his household for his birthday. There were at least forty people present, and a wide range of activities were underway. His Dad and older men were gathered around the barbeque, despite all of the food having been served and eaten at lunchtime, and again an hour ago. His female cousins were huddled in the corner and appeared to be gossiping, gathering by the nods in the direction of certain party-goers. The older women were gathered with his mother, belting out seventies hits. His friends and brother were playing a drinking game.

“You’re having a good time too, judging by the smile on your face.” Dominic commented.

“Yeah,” Ryan gave a drunken sigh, “life is good right at this moment.”

“Ryan The Optimist,” Dom shook his head and replied cheekily, “This is one personality I haven’t seen in a while.”

“It’s my birthday, man.”

“Yeah, but you’ve been grinning like a maniac since soccer this morning. How many guesses do I get about that person you chased from the sports park today?”

Ryan shrugged his shoulders. “How many do you need?”

“By the look on your face, just the one.” Dom replied.

“Did anyone else notice?” Ryan asked, the alcohol slightly taking the edge off the worry he usually had where he and Seth getting caught were concerned.

“I don’t know, man,” Dom took another sip of his beer, nodding his head towards the crowd of people drinking with Trey. “I don’t think anyone much paid attention. Theresa was kind of curious, but you know her. She won’t say anything to anyone if she thinks it’s important.”

Ryan followed the direction of Dom’s gaze and fixed his sight on Theresa. He took in her deep brown eyes crinkling as she laughed at something her sister was doing, the corners of her mouth upturned and creating slight dimples, her thick wavy brown hair. Hmmm, maybe Ryan had a type after all.

“That sounds like Theresa.” Ryan agreed, having a sip of his own drink.

Dom absently picked at the label on his beer bottle and took a deep breath. “Ryan, we’ve always been honest with each other, right?”

Ryan nodded and kept his gaze fixed on the antics of his brother. “Right.”

“I need to ask you this, man. And I need you to be honest with me.” Dom hesitated as if he really didn’t want to know the answer.

Dom ran his free hand through his dark brown curls. “You and Seth,” he began, “are you, you know, You and Seth?”

Ryan decided to play dumb. “What do you mean?”

“You know what I mean. Are you guys seeing each other? As in, more than friends?”

Ryan shrugged his shoulders at him. “I haven’t exactly been into guys before, you know that.”

“But you haven’t exactly been into girls before either, Ryan. As soon as a girl likes you back, you flee. The closest thing you ever had was with Theresa, and that lasted, what? Two weeks?” Dom paused and took another swig of his beer before continuing. “And now this thing with Seth. I mean, you’re sneaking around behind your parents’ back to see each other. And the look on your face when you got back to the soccer field today… you looked more like you got a _happy ending_ than a _happy birthday_ , man.”

“It’s none of your business, Dom.” Ryan reminded him.

“Nuh-uh, Ryan. You made it my business when you let me see the two of you in public together,” Dom accused. “Besides, when it all blows up in your face, which it will, you’ll need someone like me to help you out.”

Ryan raised his eyebrows at that but remained impassive. “What makes you so sure it will blow up?”

Dom threw his arm over Ryan’s shoulder. “Because we share a gene pool that’s not known for luck. And you’re fucking a Cohen, which is just playing with fire, man.”

“I’m not fucking anyone.” Ryan muttered into his bottle.

“Yet.” Dom added, and Ryan didn’t reply.

They stood there, paused, gathering their thoughts while the party raged on around them.

“I really like him, Dom.” Ryan breathed quietly.

“I can tell. The question is, how much?”

“Enough to scare the fuck out of me.”

“And how long? How long have you felt like this?”

Ryan shook his head and kicked at the ground with his sneakers. “I’m not sure. I don’t think I wanted to admit anything until this morning.”

“So, does that mean you’re all gay now?” Dom asked curiously.

“I don’t know what I am. Right now, I’m drunk, I’m nervous, and I’m trying really, really hard not to call Seth,” Ryan admitted, the _just so I can hear his voice and make sure he’s okay with what happened today_ left unsaid.

“I can’t do much about the drunk,” Dom offered, “But I can take your cell off of you. And I can promise not to mention a word of this conversation to anyone.”

Ryan nodded at him warily. “That would be appreciated. Because if anyone else finds out…”

“You don’t need to tell me, man. I don’t want to be the one feeling responsible if you end up in hospital.” Dom informed him.

Ryan nodded again, hoping that when it did come to the fore, hospitalization wouldn’t be necessary. “And this, thing, between Seth and me. It doesn’t freak you out?”

“Oh, I’m suitably freaked,” Dom continued, “I’ve just had a few weeks to get used to it, that’s all.”

“Well. Just. Thanks.” Ryan said sincerely.

“So,” Dom said cheekily, dropping the gravity from the tone of his voice, “your boyfriend’s really rich, isn’t he? Do you think he could get me a job?”

“Sorry,” Ryan replied insincerely, “you want to get into high society, you’ll have to find your own rich boyfriend.”

Dom sighed. “I’ll leave that to you,” he paused, his voice less teasing now. “Just. Be careful, Ryan.”

“I will.” Ryan replied.

“The consequences of this could be huge.” Dom warned.

“I know.”

“I really am just looking out for myself here. I mean, I’m guessing that you’re the Romeo of the piece, which makes me the Mercutio. And we all remember what happened to poor Mercutio.” Dom grinned.

“Since when do you read Shakespeare?”

“Since my favorite cousin started fucking around with the Nichol heir-apparent.” Dom noted, finishing off his beer in one long pull.

Ryan couldn’t help but grin a little drunkenly at that, the ghost of Seth’s lips pleasantly haunting his memories, his left hand reaching into his pocket to pull out his cell phone, itching to at least send him a text to see what he was up to.

“Hand it over,” Dom’s voice instructed, and Ryan reluctantly gave the phone to him. “And get that smile off of your face before I vomit. Let’s go see what Trey’s latest drinking game is.”

***

Seth was smiling like a lunatic. He knew he was (and whoever made the comment that Seth lacked self-awareness was clearly misguided). He was just sitting there in the family room with his parents, watching some romantic comedy (for his mother’s sake) with way too many characters and storylines to keep track, smiling. What was the movie called again? Love Actually, that’s right. The one with the Prime Minister and the author who was being cheated on and the businessman who was cheating and the woman with the handicapped brother and the widowed dad with his stepson and… oh Jesus and Moses, about twenty other plot points.

And the ridiculous thing was that suddenly they all made sense to Seth. Every ridiculous romantic notion made absolute sense. And if that didn’t make him gayer than San Francisco during Pride, the memory Ryan’s tongue in his mouth certainly did.

Just thinking about Ryan’s soft lips on his own made Seth half-hard. The feel of that tight muscled chest pressing against his, strong hands gripping the sides of his face. Seth would have swooned if he wasn’t so manly. Because yeah, thinking about kissing another guy while watching the biggest chick-flick on the planet and fucking grinning the whole way through it was totally manly.

When the movie finally ended, Seth said goodnight to his parents and headed upstairs to his bedroom, playing around on his computer for a while. He checked the clock, it was just after midnight, but Seth was too wired to sleep. He kept replaying the morning in his head like it was on a constant loop. Just like the footage of the passengers on the bus in Speed.

It was getting towards two o’clock in the morning, and Seth was finally starting to drift out of consciousness when he heard his cell phone ring. Sleep-clumsy, he grabbed at the intrusion, his goofy grin returning when even through his sleep-blur he could see Ryan’s name flash up on the display.

“Dude, shouldn’t you be in bed? You have to work, like, really soon.” Seth said as he answered the phone.

“I should be in bed. Feel like coming over and tucking me in?” A voice that was distinctly un-Ryan replied, speech slightly slurred. Taken aback, Seth was about to respond when he could hear Ryan’s voice in the background muttering _Dom, what the fuck are you doing with my phone? That better not be who I think it is. Don’t be an asshole, give it to me._

Seth waited until he could hear the scuffle subside before he spoke again. “Ryan?”

“Hang on a sec,” the real Ryan responded, and Seth could hear the background noise slowly fading. “Okay, I’m alone. Sorry about that. My cousin can be a douche when he’s hammered.”

“That’s okay,” Seth told him. “What was he doing with your phone anyway?”

“Ah…” Seth could tell Ryan was debating whether to tell him the truth or not. “I was worried about drunk-dialing you earlier in the evening, so he confishca… consif... took my phone off me.”

“You were going to drunk-dial?” Seth asked, smiling into the phone.

“Well, probably.” Seth could almost hear Ryan shrug his shoulders.

“Why would you be drunk-dialing me?”

“Seth!” Ryan dragged his name out like he really didn’t want to tell him.

“Why, Ryan?” Seth asked again, teasing, smile evident in his voice.

“Cos I’ve been thinking about you and that kiss all fucking afternoon.” Ryan admitted, slurring slightly on the kiss so it sounded more like kish.

“And this doesn’t count as a drunk-dial?”

“No, I didn’t dial, Dom did. And I’m more sober than drunk now. But only just.”

“What was with Dom calling me anyway?” Seth was curious.

“He probably thought he was being funny.”

“But why me?” Seth asked again. “Out of all the hundreds of people in your phone, why me?”

There was a pause on Ryan’s end, and Seth knew that he was stalling. “He, uh, he knows about us.”

The widening of Seth’s eyes was lost on Ryan. “He, he knows?”

“It’s okay. He’s cool. He won’t say anything.”

“But he’s an Atwood, Ryan.” Seth reminded him. He totally wasn’t panicking.

“No, he’s a Francis. His Mom is my Mom’s sister.”

“What if he tells someone?” Seth questioned.

“He won’t. He’s here for me. He wouldn’t do that.” Ryan informed him.

For once, Seth remained silent while he processed the information.

“Are you angry at me?” Ryan asked solemnly.

Seth snapped out of his thoughts. “No. No, Ryan. I just didn’t think about people knowing, you know?”

“I know,” Seth could imagine Ryan’s head rolling forward onto his chest, defeated. He didn’t want him to feel bad about this, not on his birthday. “But hey, maybe it would be good that someone does know. Just in case. And he really is cool with this?”

“As cool as he can be, I guess,” Ryan commented. “He’s calling himself Mercutio.”

Seth couldn’t help but laugh out loud. “He does remember what happened to Mercutio, right?”

“Yeah,” Ryan started before being cut off by Seth.

“Hang on!” Seth interrupted. “If he’s Mercutio… Then, then… I’m Juliet? Why do I have to be the girl?”

Ryan laughed into the phone. “I should probably get back to the party, Seth. Everyone’s mostly gone, just a handful of people left. And I have to get up to work in six hours, so I should try and grab some sleep.”

“Okay,” Seth muttered softly. “We’re still on for tomorrow though, right?”

“We better be,” Ryan replied.

***

Ryan walked along the beach, his head concentrating more on his feet than the direction he was headed, doing everything he could to steer clear of looking into the sun. Ryan wasn’t usually one for hangovers, but after twelve hours of solid drinking and a fair few shots of tequila, five hours of sleep, then six hours of working the breakfast and lunch shift at The Crab Shack, Ryan was worried he was going to pass out before he reached Seth.

Which would be a shame, because the only thing that had gotten him through work that day was the thought of Seth’s lips against his own, his fingers slinking through that thick brown hair.

Ryan was so lost in thought that he didn’t realize he’d over-shot the lifeguard tower until he heard a sigh from above.

“Ryan, Ryan. Wherefore art thou Ryan.”

Ryan snapped out of his daze and grinned wryly. He glanced to his right, seeing Seth leaning against the wooden hand rail of the lifeguard tower.

“Is this where I say something about a rose and smelling sweet?” Ryan replied.

“I have no idea,” Seth started, walking down the ramp to greet Ryan. “We studied MacBeth.”

“But you’ve seen the movie?” Ryan asked as Seth reached out to grab at his hand.

“Dude, I’ve seen every movie.”

Ryan’s chest clenched at the feel of how perfectly his hand fitted into Seth’s, and he allowed himself to be dragged up the ramp onto the decking of the tower. He took an audible breath at what was waiting for him at the top.

A red and blue picnic rug blanketed the worn wood upon which Ryan usually sat. There was a bottle of coke, corn chips, and jelly beans to the side, and in the middle were two cupcakes; one chocolate and one vanilla; with so much frosting he was scared he would become an instant diabetic. Seth took a step forward and lit the two sparklers sticking out of the cakes before stepping back and looking at Ryan eagerly.

Ryan was speechless. “Seth, I…”

“Is it too much? It’s too much, isn’t it? I mean, I only got little cakes because I didn’t think you’d want the big fuss of the large cake I really wanted to get you. But then I had to go and put sparklers in and make it way too OTT for you and…”

“Breathe, Seth,” Ryan reminded Seth, grinning slightly at him. He watched Seth close his eyes and exhale. “It’s great.”

“You mean it?” Seth asked with cautious hope.

Ryan nodded in response, then ducked his head to drop a kiss on Seth’s jaw. “Thank you.”

“Happy birthday, man.” Seth smiled, leaning into Ryan, their lips meeting for the first time since the day before. It was a chaste, almost nervous kiss, and then they sat down on opposite sides of the blanket, watching the sparklers die down.

“I wasn’t sure how hungover you would be today,” Seth told him, “so I brought what I usually have on those very few occasions that I’ve drank enough to feel like crap the next day. You don’t look too well.”

Ryan smiled lazily. “I’m just a bit tired, that’s all. And the sun and I aren’t the best of friends today. But Coke sounds good.”

Ryan watched Seth rummage through his bag for some plastic cups, and shook his head at the sight. Seth had organized all of this for him, for Ryan, because it was his birthday. He didn’t think he knew anyone that would have gone to this much trouble for him before.

The fizz and the sweet syrupy tang of the beverage slicked down Ryan’s throat to his stomach, neutralizing the acids still upset with him from the night before. “Just what I needed. Thanks.”

Seth smiled as if Ryan’s approval was the only thing he had to live for. “I, ah, I may have something for you. A gift.”

Ryan shook his head. “You didn’t have to get me anything,”

“I didn’t!” Seth interrupted, taking a small wrapped parcel out of his bag. “I mean… here, just open it.”

Ryan fingered at the tape holding the paper together and looked a Seth curiously. Seth nervously returned his gaze as Ryan’s fingers slid through the seam.

“I can’t accept this, Seth.” Ryan told him when he got to the contents, ignoring the slump of Seth’s shoulders at the news. He held the metal object in his hands.

“Before you jump to conclusions, I didn’t go out and buy you an iPod,” Seth started as Ryan turned it over in his hands to look at the silver casing. “It’s my old one. I mean, it’s only six months old, but it’s only eight-gig and I totally need a thirty-gig. So I got a thirty-gig for my birthday from the ‘rents and that’s just been sitting in my drawer doing nothing, and I thought _hey, Ryan walks to school and back every day, maybe he should have some music to accompany_ and so I programmed songs into it and…”

“You’re about to pass out, aren’t you?” Ryan grinned and watched Seth take a deep breath.

“I want you to have it.” Seth told him sincerely.

Ryan hesitated slightly before answering, “Thank you.”

And the way Seth’s face lit up then, like Ryan saying yes to the gift was the best thing in the world, was more than worth his discomfort at accepting something so extravagant.

“Turn it on! I spent about three hours last night creating playlists for you.”

Ryan looked at Seth, then the device, with curiosity. He flicked off the hold switch, and Seth showed him how to use the scroll wheel to access the songs. He smiled at the different lists; _Educating Ryan, Placating Ryan, 80’s Power Ballads_. Clicking onto the Placating Ryan list, he grinned as he saw Metallica, Guns n Roses, Poison, Journey, Foreigner, Motley Crue amongst others. Seth explained that the Educating Ryan list had songs he thought he would like, that were much more socially acceptable than the Placating list. Bands like Interpol and The Killers, which Ryan promised to listen to.

Ryan looked from the iPod to the cupcakes, to the food and blanket, to Seth. “All this,” he gestured to everything, “you did all of this, for me?”

Seth smiled and reached over to smooth his hand over Ryan’s shoulder. “I just wanted you to have a happy extended birthday. It wasn’t much, really.”

Ryan shook his head. “No, no. It’s great. No one has done something like this for me before.” And they hadn’t. Yesterday’s party aside, Ryan couldn’t recall a time where his family or friends went to so much effort just to see him happy without wanting something for themselves.

“Yeah?” Seth shrugged one shoulder and smiled shyly.

“Yeah.” Ryan replied, then reached a hand out and cupped Seth’s jaw. Seth crawled on his knees so he was kneeling in front of Ryan, reaching his own hand out to caress Ryan’s cheekbone with the back of it. Ryan closed his eyes and leaned into the touch, his blood thrumming under his skin as he closed the gap and sought Seth’s lips with his own.

Their first kiss, yesterday, up against the wall, felt like relief to Ryan. Like he’d been thirsty for days and finally, finally there was a big tall glass of water for his consumption. Like he’d been subconsciously waiting for something in his brain to snap and make him realize how much he wanted to be with Seth.

This kiss, with them both kneeling on the picnic blanket, was different. Cupping each others’ jaws, Seth opened his mouth a little to let Ryan’s tongue enter. They kissed slowly, languidly, as if they were trying to memorize every ridge, every cavity. It wasn’t as desperate, but it was still unbelievably hot. Ryan slipped his hand from Seth’s face through his hair, massaging his scalp a little as he continued to kiss him. The small moan from Seth that this elicited went straight to Ryan’s cock, and he knew right then that this was serious. This was way more serious than anything he has ever done with anyone. Because he wanted Seth to make that noise again. He wanted to be the cause of Seth losing control.

Ryan pulled away from Seth, and Seth crawled impossibly closer to Ryan, grabbing at his shoulders and shaking his head. “No, don’t overthink this.”

“I wasn’t…” Ryan protested.

“You were, you made the little sigh that you make when you think things are too hard,” Seth’s eyes were full of worry, “We both want this, right?” Ryan nodded at Seth’s question. “Then can we just go with it, just for today? I promise I’ll let you have a freak out tomorrow. But I’ve been thinking about kissing you again since yesterday, and I swear I’ll go crazy if you don’t touch me in the next, like, ten seconds.”

Ryan looked up from his knees to Seth, a wariness shadowing his smile.

“I want this, Ryan,” Seth said gently, rubbing his hands up and down Ryan’s biceps. “It scares me when I think about it, but I want it.”

“It scares you too?” Ryan inquired.

“Sure it does. For many reasons. Not just the Atwood thing, but the whole kissing a dude thing too.” Seth searched Ryan’s eyes. “But if I don’t go with it, I know I’m going to regret it. So can we, just, go with it for now? Think about it later? I mean, there’s no point in analyzing this to death if it’s not what we both want, right?”

Ryan slowly nodded his head and reached for Seth again. This time, Ryan poured everything into the kiss. Every worry, every concern. All of his need and want and passion.

Seth was right. There was no need to worry about the fact that Seth was a Cohen, or male, if they decided that maybe whatever it was between them wasn’t going to work.

But from the feelings that zoomed through Ryan just holding this boy in his arms, how miserable he had been with their lack of contact over the past few weeks, the number of times he found himself smiling and thinking of Seth, the shivers that ran along his spine as Seth’s tongue caressed his… Ryan knew he was going to be in this for the long haul. He was smitten and falling hard. Falling in a way he’d never fallen for anyone before.

Ryan tried to push all of that aside and concentrate on what was going on with Seth right here and now. Getting lost in the want and the desire, he decided that any complications could wait. Seth was right, the want was more urgent than the worry right now.

But it wouldn’t be for long, especially seeing as their deserted strip of beach wasn’t so uninhabited today. Especially seeing as a few of the beachgoers were looking up at the two boys making out on the lifeguard tower. And especially seeing as Seth’s chocolate curls and lithe frame were not hard to recognize, especially by someone who had grown up with him.

 

**REASON IS TREASON – PART SEVEN**

 

“Summer, this is a nice surprise.” Seth heard Kirsten greet his cousin at the front door.

“Hey Aunt Kiki. Is Seth home?”

“Sure, he’s just in the living room. Is everything okay?” Seth heard their voices getting closer and it wasn’t long until they’d joined him.

“Everything’s fine. I just have some school stuff I need to talk to Seth about.” Summer informed them both.

“Really, me?” Seth was perplexed. He and Summer were polar opposites when it came to school. They were both quite intelligent, but with her striking good looks, fashion sense, and outgoing personality, Summer definitely fell into the cool category. Their paths rarely crossed at Harbor, so he had no idea what she wanted to talk to him about.

“Yes, you.” Summer rolled her eyes. She was using her impatient voice, so Seth quickly saved his Playstation game before turning to her.

“What’s up?” He asked.

“Can we talk about it in your room?”

Seth furrowed his brow and looked at her with a puzzled expression. “Uh, sure.”

Summer turned on her heel and Seth went to follow her up the stairs into his bedroom, shrugging at his mother’s curious stare.

When she crossed the threshold to his room, Seth asked “Summer, what’s going…”

“Shut the door, Cohen.” She ordered, her impatient tone turning more forceful, almost angry.

“Is everything okay?” Seth asked, genuinely worried about her behavior. This was the woman who had suffered numerous rage-blackouts after all.

Once the door was closed and Seth had turned to face his cousin, she violently pushed at his shoulders and pinned him up against the door.

“Tell me I was just seeing things today,” Summer’s tone was angry, but it was also bordering on begging. Breathing harshly in his face, she added “tell me I did not see you making out with Ryan Atwood.”

Seth’s eyes widened, a blush creeping up his neck to his cheeks. Summer’s deep brown eyes imitated her cousin’s at his reaction.

“Cohen!” She screeched, punching him hard in the arm three times.

“Ow!” Seth exclaimed, trying to curl into a ball to protect himself.

“What the fuck are you doing?!”

“Summer, I…” Seth tried to reply.

“Oh my God, Seth! The only thing I can think of is that this is all part of some elaborate trick you’re playing on the Atwood’s. But you’ve never really been a part of all that shit like my brothers are.” Summer stepped away from Seth and started pacing.

Seth shook his head and looked down at his feet. “So, I take it that today you were…”

“At the beach, yeah. And making out on a lifeguard tower? Classy. Why not just grope each other at the mall or somewhere a little less public?”

“There’s hardly ever anyone at that stretch of beach.” Seth protested in a vain attempt to defend himself.

“But sometimes there are. And you know what, Seth? People have eyes.”

“I didn’t mean for anyone to see us…”

“Well, duh!” Summer replied sarcastically, her pacing slowing down. “This is huge, Seth.”

Seth nodded solemnly, his happy glow from spending the afternoon with Ryan, kissing Ryan, dissipating under his cousin’s disapproval. “I know.”

“You have to end this, like, right now.” Summer announced forcefully, her voice having an air of finality to it.

“Summer, just. No.” Seth stood his ground for what felt like the first ever time with his cousin. “This is one thing you do not get to boss me around on.”

“He’s an _Atwood_ , Seth.” She stressed, a steely edge to her voice.

“I know. I’m not stupid.”

Summer raised her eyebrows as if she was challenging that claim and opened her mouth to say something, but then shut it again. It surprised Seth to see her face then crumple a little, the anger slowly dissipating and being replaced with what looked like concern. Summer shook her head wearily, as if the anger she had been feeling since spotting them had worn her down, and dropped down to sit on Seth’s bed.

“How do you know that this isn’t just some joke the Atwood’s are playing on us?” she asked. “How do you know they’re not trying to just make you fall in love with Ryan and humiliate you?”

Seth’s brow furrowed at the suggestion. At the start of his friendship with Ryan, he did somewhat question how genuine it was. But after spending the past few months together he knew that Ryan was carrying the burden of their secret as much as he was.

“If that’s the case, then I guess I’ll be humiliated,” Seth conceded. “It wouldn’t be the first time.”

Seth turned to look at Summer and saw her attempting to discreetly wipe tears from the corners of her eyes. Huh, this was new. Summer emitting emotion, let alone because of him?

“But what if they humiliate you so badly that you can’t cope?” Summer asked, concern underlying her question. “What if you’re so upset and hurt that you can’t handle it and you end up moving town and we never see you again, just like…” she trailed off as a few more tears started to stream down her face.

“Just like who? Who else have they driven away?” Seth asked, both curious and concerned that it upset Summer enough for her to cry in front of him.

Summer let out a little sob and wrapped her arms around her body. “Mom,” she muttered quietly, “They’ll drive you away just like they drove her away.”

“What? What are you talking about, Summer?”

“You mean you don’t know?” Summer asked, the incredulous tone creeping back into her voice. “She hasn’t been around in twelve years, Seth.”

“I know that! I’m not completely oblivious. I was told that she ran off to another country with someone else.” Seth told her. “I have no idea how that relates to the Atwood’s.”

Seth watched Summer take a few deep breaths and collect herself a little. She turned her body so that she was facing Seth. “Doesn’t sound like you got the whole story, Seth.”

“So tell me.”

Summer took another deep breath. “When I was little,” she started, “my Mom had an affair.”

“Well, I gathered that part.” Seth interrupted.

“Yeah, but you have no idea who it was with, so let me finish,” she paused for what Seth could only assume was dramatic effect. “She had an affair with Eric Atwood. As in, uncle of Ryan.” Summer told him morosely.

“Oh?” This was definitely news to Seth.

Summer sniffed before continuing. “He made her fall in love with him, I know he did. She was going to leave my Dad to be with him.”

Seth vaguely recalled when his Aunt Kelly left Newport. He was only six years old at the time, and he remembered in particular Summer’s brother Scott being really angry then. He started getting into fights and stopped playing with Seth as much.

“So what happened? I mean, Ryan still talks about his Uncle Eric.”

Summer nodded her head. “Mum and Dad had this huge fight. I don’t remember much about it, but I remember being really scared that they were going to get divorced like the parents of all my other friends. That night she came into my bedroom and kissed me on the forehead and told me that she was going to go on a holiday. And that was the last time any of us have actually seen her.”

Seth sat back and just tried to absorb this information. “So, what happened with Eric then?”

Summer shrugged. “A few years later Scott told me that Eric had pretended he was in love with Mom. He slept with her, and dumped her as soon as she’d left us all. Just like that. Just to destroy our family like they think we destroyed theirs.”

Seth shook his head in astonishment. “I’m so out of the loop with all of this stuff.”

“You think?” Summer intimated.

“So why hasn’t your Mom come back?” Seth asked softly. It was twelve years ago after all.

“Who knows,” Summer shrugged, sounding defeated. “A few years ago Dad told me that she had a problem with alcohol, he thinks she would have drank herself into a coma for a while, then maybe she was too ashamed to come back. God, she had an affair with an _Atwood_. Grandpa would have schitzed for sure.”

Seth closed his eyes at that declaration, especially seeing as he was having an affair with an Atwood of his own.

“How do you know they’re not doing the same thing to you?” Summer asked, reaching out her hand and placing it on his shoulder.

Seth shrugged. “I don’t know, I guess. But how many straight guys do you know that would willingly make out with another boy?

“You? I wouldn’t put it past them.” Summer declared.

“What do you mean?” Seth was lost.

“I mean. Well,” Summer sighed and put her head in her hands. “I’m only going to say this once, Cohen. So listen carefully.”

“Okay.”

“You’re not ugly.”

“Uh, thank you?” Seth replied, unable to distinguish if he was paid a compliment or not.

Summer pushed against his shoulder so that he lost balance and fell sideways against the soft mattress.

“I’m just saying, if a straight guy was going to kiss another guy, it probably wouldn’t be a hardship that it’s you.” Summer said it in a way that indicated that it disturbed her to vocalize it.

“Well, I actually think it’s because of my sparkling personality and witty conversation that he likes me. But thanks anyway.”

“Oh, Cohen,” Summer sighed dramatically, “this is an impossible situation. It can’t possibly work.”

“It’s going pretty good so far.” Seth informed her.

“Yeah, but for how long? Even if you’re right and Ryan Atwood genuinely wants to get into your pants, what happens when his family finds out?”

“You think he wants to get into my pants?” Seth blushed at the thought.

“From the way he was kissing you, well duh?” Summer replied. “And in that statement that’s what you focused on? What about Ryan’s family? Hello?”

“I’m eighteen years old, Summer. How can I not focus on someone wanting to get into my pants?”

“Oh, gross.” Summer closed her eyes and screwed up her nose in disgust. “Focus for me, Cohen. Ryan’s family. What if they come after you?”

“Why would they…?”

Summer rolled her eyes in exasperation. “Why wouldn’t they? You’re the grandson of Caleb Nichol and you’re queer for one of them.”

“But they don’t even know I exist! It’s your family they know, especially when your brothers fight them every month.” He protested.

“These fights between Scott and Mark with Trey and Pete started when Trey slept with Scott’s girlfriend six years ago. They just escalated when they discovered who each other were.”

“Which still has nothing to do with me or how they would know who I was.” Seth reminded her.

“Remember your parent’s anniversary party, Seth?” Seth couldn’t help the stupid grin that flashed across his face at the memory of his first encounter with Ryan. How they sat outside for ages just talking, getting to know one another. Until he got called inside and his Grandpa made him stand on stage and take a bow, and, oh…

“Oh.”

“Yeah, you were on parade, Seth. Believe me, they might not seek you out like they do with my brothers, but they will know who you are. Just like how you know who they are.”

Seth contemplated this and had to agree with his cousin.

“You have to end this, Seth.” Summer repeated her sentiments from earlier, but with less venom in her voice now.

“I can’t,” Seth shook his head, his voice laced with sincerity. “I’ve never felt like this about anyone before.”

“Even _dork girl_?” Summer raised an eyebrow.

“Who, Anna?” Summer nodded the affirmative. “We were more friends than anything else. I can’t believe you called her _dork girl_?”

Summer shrugged. “Any girl that is more into comic books than you are is a complete dork.”

Seth laughed a little, but there wasn’t much humor in it. He sighed and dropped his head into his hands.

“Are you,” he paused, “are you going to tell anyone about this?”

“I want to,” Summer told him, “I think you’re making the hugest mistake of your life that could put you in actual physical danger.”

“I can’t not do this though, Summer.” Seth pleaded.

“Just, please don’t let this be like Mom again. Okay? And when your parents or grandpa finds out, you’re not to breathe a word of the fact that I know.”

Seth nodded his head and looked towards his cousin with a grateful smile. “Thanks, Summer.”

“And just because we’re bonding over this doesn’t mean you can suddenly start hanging out with me at school or whatever.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it.” Seth told her sincerely. He really didn’t like any of her friends anyway.

“I still think this is bad. I still think you should end this before it gets worse. But I won’t tell anyone.” Summer promised.

***

That night, as Seth tried to fall asleep, the conversation he had with his cousin kept on swimming around in his head. He knew that he was taking a huge chance on Ryan, that even if it did work out with them, there were other consequences once they decided to tell their families. You know, after they both graduate from college, or move into a nursing home or whatever. However, he would have to re-think his stealth moves to make sure no-one else caught them out. Hell, just two people knowing was bad enough.

But just as he was letting his fears start to take hold, Seth saw the image of Ryan in his head, with his sandy hair, his cool blue eyes, his strong jaw with only a hint of stubble. The smile on Ryan’s face when he saw the picnic, the tender press of his lips against his own, the way his fingers crept under Seth’s t-shirt and lightly ran across his stomach.

Seth knew that Ryan was worth all of this. He really was. Seth was willing to take the risk if it meant he could still be with Ryan, kiss Ryan, hold Ryan, just like he had gotten to do that afternoon. And if it meant in future that he would be able to run his hand up his thigh, dance his fingertips across the muscles in his back, feel Ryan grind against him as Seth lapped at that spot where his neck joined his collarbone…

Seth’s hand had wandered underneath the waistband of his boxer shorts before he even had time to think about it. The sense memory of the way Ryan smelled, what he tasted like, the feel of his tongue entwining with his own had Seth’s blood boiling. The way that Ryan had moaned into their kiss when Seth’s knee accidentally grazed his crotch was almost intoxicating, and oh my God Seth wanted to record that sounds and play it again and again.

Seth thought about all that they hadn’t done yet, all that he wanted to do. Like pushing Ryan’s t-shirt up when they were making out so he could graze his thumbs over his nipples. Like sucking hickeys onto his neck and on his bare, flat stomach, marking him as Seth’s, and Seth’s alone. Having Ryan reach into his underwear and grasp him, make him hard, make him want to throw all inhibitions to the wind and just feel. Unzipping Ryan’s jeans and having their bare cocks just slid together until they just…

And that’s it, that’s the image imbedded in Seth’s brain as he spills into his hand, panting heavily as he comes back down, a heaviness descending upon him. Trust a Ryan-fantasy to give Seth the best orgasm of his life.

As he drifts off to sleep, all Seth can think about is how, no matter how many cousins try to interfere, he can’t give Ryan up.

He’s falling for him, and he’s falling hard.

 

**REASON IS TREASON – PART EIGHT**

 

The melodic scratching of pencil across paper had Seth entranced. It had been months since he’d picked up a writing instrument to work on his graphic novel; a satirical depiction of Newport Beach through the eyes of superheroes. But lately inspiration struck in the form of a new character. A character with dirty-blond hair, blue eyes, and biceps of which Popeye would be envious.

Sitting under his tree in the middle of the park was just the backdrop Seth needed, the sun giving him just the right amount of light as the grey from his pencil flowed onto the crisp white page. He was so focused on his drawing that he didn’t even realize the amount of time that had passed until he felt strong fingers massaging his scalp.

“Mmmmmm,” he muttered blissfully, letting the pencil drop against the page.

“You like that?” Ryan asked, running his fingers through his hair one last time before sitting down on the grass next to Seth.

“Keep doing that and I’ll fall asleep.” Seth told him, packing away his sketch book and pencil.

“What were you drawing?” Ryan asked, wiping the sweat from his forehead that had gathered on the soccer field with his shirt sleeve. “I kept trying to catch your eye during practice but you looked focused.”

“What? Nothing.” he tried to brush him off.

“Seth?” Ryan dragged out his name.

He sighed, not really wanting to be caught out with this. He gazed over to see Ryan’s raised eyebrow and caved immediately. He had yet to discover how he could deny Ryan anything. “Ah, yeah. That,” Seth stumbled over his words a little. “I’ve been working on a, a graphic novel.”

“Yeah?” Ryan looked surprised. “Since when?”

“Maybe a few years now?” Seth’s statement sounded more like a question.

“Are you going to let me look at it?” he asked curiously.

“Why would you want to look at it?” Seth asked gingerly, and Ryan rolled his eyes.

“Maybe because I’ve been your boyfriend for a whole three weeks and not once have you mentioned that you can draw?”

Seth’s diffidence at showing Ryan his work turned into a smile at that statement, and the words passed his lips before he had a chance to think. “You’re my boyfriend?”

Ryan blushed and mumbled, “Well, I kind of assumed. I know we haven’t talked about it or anything. But I’m not seeing anyone else and if…”

“It’s cool,” Seth interrupted, grinning at him. He loved it when he made Ryan blush. “I’ve just never had a boyfriend before. Or a girlfriend. Nothing other than a friend-friend really. So I have no idea where the line is or what I’m meant to be doing here…”

“You think I do?” Ryan asked, a perplexed expression crossing his face.

“Dude, you’re like the most cool and calm person of all time,” Seth shrugged, “I just thought you had it all figured out.”

Shaking his head, Ryan replied. “I’m just as clueless with this as you are, man.”

“But we’re clueless and together, right?” Seth eagerly clarified.

The corners of Ryan’s mouth lifted into a smile, and he looked at Seth through his eyelashes. “If you want to be. You want to be, right?”

“If you could feel how much I want to kiss you right now, you wouldn’t even have to ask.” Seth told him, voice lowered.

A flash of desire crossed Ryan’s face. “I wish I could find out.”

Seth’s brown eyes scanned the park. There were still too many students, sports players, and dog walkers around for them not to be noticed. “Maybe later?”

Ryan nodded, “Definitely later.”

“Man, I wish we didn’t have to hide,” Seth sighed, running a hand through his hair in frustration. “But it makes me nervous enough that our cousins know.”

“Speaking of which, Dom wants to meet you.” Ryan said flippantly.

“Me? He wants to meet me?” Seth asked, panic setting in. “But why?”

This caused Ryan to once again roll his eyes. “Why do you think?”

“Well, of course he wants to check me out,” Seth began, “but are you sure he’s not just wanting to kick my ass?”

“No, because if he does anything to damage your ass, he’ll have to deal with my ass,” Ryan informed him. “And when you meet him, you’ll see that he’s just like you. Taller than me, but way thinner.”

“So you’ll defend my honor then; I’m flattered.” Seth smiled before sarcastically adding, “There’s nothing more masculine than having your boyfriend get into a fight for you.”

“Quit changing the topic,” Ryan said suddenly, “don’t you have a graphic novel to show me?”

He hesitated slightly before opening his messenger bag and retrieving his sketch book. “You’re not allowed to laugh.”

“Why would I laugh?”

“Because everyone does,” Seth mumbled.

“I’m not everyone, Seth,” Ryan reminded him, reaching over and running the back of his hand down Seth’s cheek.

Seth looked up and smiled warmly before handing over the book. He was right, Ryan wasn’t just anyone. He could trust him with this.

Ryan opened to the first page, and saw a comic book sketch that was obviously Seth. “That’s me.” Ryan nodded, turning the pages as Seth narrated for him. “I’m a superhero, dazzling the world with my sparkling wit. This is Summer; she can shop anyone under the table. That girl is my old next door neighbor. She started out as a bit-character in this, but when the actual girl died of a drug overdose last year, I turned her into more of a series regular, but in ghost form.”

Ryan cocked an eyebrow at Seth. “Ghost?”

“A friendly ghost,” Seth added, “like Casper.”

Ryan continued to flip through the book as Seth revealed the plot. As he watched him flick through, Seth realized how much work had actually gone into this. How much of his heart and soul was poured into this sketch book.

He held his breath as Ryan turned to the more recent pages.

“This is a new character. He’s tough, but he has a kind heart,” Seth revealed.

Seth observed Ryan’s fingers tracing the image in front of him.

“This is me?” he asked meekly.

Swallowing nervously, Seth nodded his head.

“This is how you see me?”

Seth shrugged in a fashion that he hoped came across as nonchalant. “Well, in cartoon form anyway.”

Ryan shook his head as if in awe. “This is amazing, Seth.”

Smiling softly, Seth murmured, “Thanks.”

“Why have you been hiding this?”

“I haven’t been hiding it so much as not sharing. It’s mine, you know? I didn’t want people mocking what I’m beginning to be proud of.”

“You should be proud of this,” Ryan told him, looking over the final page one last time before handing the book back to Seth. “Is this why you’re studying graphic design in college?”

He nodded. “Man, I can’t wait to go to college.”

“We might actually be able see each other in public.”

“It’s going to be awesome,” Seth agreed.

They sat in comfortable silence for a few minutes, just enjoying being in each other’s presence.

“So tomorrow, movies?” Seth asked. He was hoping to get his hands on Ryan at least one day this week and thought that maybe a darkened theatre was his best bet.

“Like an actual date?” Ryan replied.

“Well, if you’re going to be my boyfriend and everything we should actually go on a date.”

Ryan nodded. “Trey wanted me to go to a party with them tomorrow night, but I can get out of it.”

“Are you sure? Cos I don’t mind…”

“No,” Ryan interrupted, “a movie sounds good.”

“Awesome.” Seth smiled.

***

Ryan was grabbing a large popcorn and Coke while he waited for Seth to return from the restrooms. As he was paying he thought on how good it would be to be able to spend some time with him in a dark room, no one being able to see if he grabbed at Seth’s hand, or if Seth rested his head on Ryan’s shoulder. And predictably, that was the moment that he saw Trey walk into the lobby with Pete and Dom in tow. Trey spotted him before he had a chance to hide.

“Ryan!” Trey said loudly, “what are you doing here? I thought you had to work tonight?”

Attempting to hide his surprise, Ryan threw a panicked look at Dom, who quickly interjected, “He messaged me to say that his work didn’t need him for as long as they thought, so I let him know to meet us here. Right, Ryan?”

Ryan nodded and quickly tried to recover. “Ah, yeah. Sorry to hear that the party was a bust?”

Seemingly oblivious to Ryan’s discomfort, Trey shrugged and muttered something about parents returning home early from vacations and how annoying rich folk are.

From the corner of his eye, Ryan could see Seth heading back towards the snack bar. He stopped short as he registered who Ryan was standing with, and shot a confused look his way. Ryan subtly shook his head, trying to show through his expression that he was stuck and he was sorry.

“Have you bought your ticket yet?” Dom asked Ryan, following the direction of his eyes with a curious look on his face.

“Ah, yeah, but I didn’t have enough money for you guys.”

“That’s okay. Trey, Pete, let’s go get our tickets.” Dom surreptitiously mouthed the name of the movie at Ryan to make sure they were going to the same one, and led them out to the ticket booth so that Ryan could deal with Seth.

“Seth,” Ryan quickly walked over to him as soon as they were out of sight. “I’m sorry. They were meant to be at a party, and it must have been cancelled or something. I don’t know how I can get out of this.”

Shrugging his left shoulder, Seth smiled grimly. “Not much we can do about it, man.”

“I’m going to have to sit with them in the theatre.”

Seth nodded. “I know. It’s okay. I mean, this way we might actually get to see the movie, right? And I really wanted to see the movie.”

“And you wouldn’t have if you were in there with me?”

“Dude, I only got to touch you for, like, five minutes yesterday. You think I could sit next to you for two hours without my hands going wandering?”

Ryan felt the flush rise to his face at Seth’s words and he willed his dick to stay down. If he ever got Seth into bed he could only imagine the language that could come from that mouth.

They stood there staring at each other for seconds that felt like minutes, Ryan unable to tear his gaze from Seth’s mouth. Seth seemed to be having similar issues until he was distracted by someone behind Ryan.

Seth gritted his teeth and muttered, “Did everyone’s plans get cancelled tonight? I thought Summer said she was going to some party. It was probably the same one.”

Ryan looked behind to see an attractive brunette and three friends walk towards the snack bar. He saw her raise her eyebrows in Seth’s direction, and was that a sneer she threw Ryan’s way?

“Your brother will be back soon, I might go and see if Summer would dare let me sit in her presence. But we’ll meet up after, right?” Seth asked a little desperately, dropping his gaze once again to Ryan’s mouth.

Instinctively, Ryan licked his lips and nodded his head. “I’ll tell them I’m tired or something. We can go for a drive somewhere.”

They separated, and Ryan joined his brother and friends, taking a seat in the middle of the cinema. After what felt like an hour of advertisements and trailers, the opening credits finally started to roll. Seth was sitting four rows in front and across the aisle from Ryan. Ryan could see him tersely conversing with Summer.

The movie was a comedy, another one along the same lines as _American Pie_. Not Ryan’s first choice of movie, but going to see a movie in the first place was more about being able to spend time with Seth than anything else.

Ryan had sat there for forty-five minutes trying to pay attention to the movie, pretending to laugh at the funny parts. But his head was filled with Seth. He kept staring at the back of Seth’s head, willing him to turn around, make Seth know that Ryan wanted him just as badly as Seth seemed to want Ryan. For the past three weeks they had been making out any chance they could get, and they were getting really good at it. They knew which angle to lean into, how much pressure to apply, how long they could kiss before taking a breath, which part of the other’s neck got the best reactions.

Ryan was learning that Seth was really sensitive on his left-hand side, particularly that patch of skin just under his ribs. Seth loved it when Ryan ran his hands through his hair; he made the same noise as when he had his first cup of coffee in the morning.

Forty-five minutes in and he couldn’t take it anymore. He couldn’t even pretend to still be watching the movie. He thought Seth must have been feeling the same way when he saw him lean across to whisper something to Summer, then rise from his seat and walk up the aisle. Ryan briefly caught Seth’s eye, and he knew an invitation when he saw one. He waited for the longest twenty seconds of his life before whispering to Dom that he was heading to the restroom.

***

Seth was frustrated. No, beyond frustrated. He’d barely seen Ryan, his boyfriend, for longer than an hour in total all week. Tonight was their night; their night while everyone else he knew was heading to some party. It was so painfully unfair to come back from the bathroom to find Ryan standing with his brother, an apologetic look on his face. He’d done his best to see the lighter side of the situation, attempted to let Ryan know that he wanted to actually watch the movie anyway, when he really didn’t want to see it at all. He’d picked the lamest movie out of the bunch, and prepared to sit up in the very back corner of the darkened cinema where he could hold Ryan, touch Ryan, lean over and kiss Ryan, without anyone paying attention.

Thank goodness he had spotted Summer when he did, although he couldn’t say that she was as happy to see him. She had reluctantly allowed Seth to sit next to her in the cinema so that he didn’t look like a complete loner, gritting her teeth and swearing to Seth that he owed her for this one, reminding him about their deal; just because they bonded about the whole Seth&Ryan thing, didn’t mean that they could suddenly hang out.

He wasn’t sure how long he lasted during the movie before the urge to touch Ryan got so strong he couldn’t handle it anymore. Twice Summer had leaned across to tell him to stop squirming. But Seth couldn’t help it. He could feel Ryan’s eyes boring into the back of his head. His body felt on fire with it. God, what he would’ve given to be able walk up the aisle to Ryan’s seat, straddle him, and kiss him hard and fast right there in front of everyone.

So that’s why he made very brief eye contact with Ryan on the way to the restroom, and that is why, now, Ryan was pushing him into the far stall of the thankfully empty restroom, locking the door, and shoving him against the wall.

Ryan’s mouth pressed against Seth’s lips hard. Teeth clashed and tongues dueled for dominance, but God, Seth wouldn’t have had it any other way. He ran his hands through Ryan’s hair while Ryan bit at his lips, wedging his thigh between Seth’s.

Seth couldn’t help the whimper as Ryan flexed his thigh so that it grazed across Seth’s crotch. Ryan’s lips left Seth’s and trailed a path down to his neck.

“You have no idea how much I want you right now.” Ryan’s breath was hot on Seth’s neck, and Seth was pretty sure he was going to leave a bruise on his collarbone as evidence.

“I think I have… have some idea.” Seth groaned as Ryan’s lips pressed against that spot where his neck joined his shoulder.

“I’ve been wanting to do this all week.” Ryan confessed as Seth grabbed his face with both hands to drag him from his neck so that they could kiss again.

Ryan pressed closer into Seth, and that was when Seth could feel that Ryan was just as turned on as he was, the thick denim cloth doing nothing to hide the hardness he could feel.

“Holy fuck, Ryan,” Seth bit out after a few minutes, a huskiness to his voice that even he didn’t recognize. “You’re going to make me come in my pants.”

“Well we can’t have that,” Ryan muttered, trailing a hand down Seth’s chest and ending at the top button of his jeans. Ryan pulled away from his lips and cocked an eyebrow at Seth. “Can I?”

“Please,” Seth breathed, arching his back and exposing more of his neck to Ryan. He let out a gasp as Ryan flicked the button open, peeling his boxer briefs away from his skin to get a good grip on Little Seth.

Oh, Seth had to think the most unsexiest thoughts ever at the feel of Ryan’s hand wrapped around his dick, the need to come pulling at his stomach. Dead puppies, The Nana getting a sponge bath…

“God, Ryan,” he murmured, closing his eyes because he knew that the sight of Ryan touching him would be his undoing. He felt Ryan grind against him, riding his thigh, trying to relieve his own pressure. Seth gathered enough sense to realize that he could probably help Ryan with his own situation.

With shaky fingers he fumbled with Ryan’s zipper, and when he finally got it down and slipped his hand into his underwear, it wasn’t as weird as he had thought it would be. It felt a lot like his own, but from a different angle, and maybe slightly thicker. The half-sob half-moan that Ryan uttered when he started stroking made him impossibly harder in Ryan’s hand. Ryan’s other hand came up to Seth’s chin, tilting his head up so Seth would meet his eyes.

Ryan’s pupils were blown wide, only a thin rim of blue surrounding black, the look on his face somewhere between pain and pleasure. Their deep breaths became in sync, their hand movements echoing each other as they stroked up and down, thumbing across the head.

When Seth felt his toes start to curl he knew he wasn’t going to last much longer. With his free hand, he hastily, and a little awkwardly, pulled his pants further down over his hips, then did the same to Ryan’s.

“I didn’t want to get come on our underwear,” he explained breathlessly. Ryan nodded his head before diving for Seth’s mouth again, and then it was all over. Seth’s groan was smothered by Ryan’s lips and tongue as he shot hard into Ryan’s fist, Ryan following not five seconds later.

They stood there for a moment, breathing hard, flushed cheeks pressed together, still holding onto each other.

“Wow,” Seth muttered, removing his sticky hand from Ryan.

“Yeah,” Ryan agreed, reaching next to Seth for a wad of toilet paper, handing some to him so they could clean up.

“So, that was… uh, unexpected?” Seth muttered, wiping his hand as best he could before depositing the paper into the toilet.

“But okay, right?” Ryan asked, searching Seth’s eyes to make sure he wasn’t freaked out.

“It was more than okay.” Seth reassured him, leaning him forward and kissing him hard and deep.

The creak of the bathroom door opening gave them both a fright, and they jumped apart from each other on instinct before quickly recovering and hurriedly tucking themselves back into their underwear.

“Ryan? Are you in here?” they heard a voice call out.

“Dom?” Ryan replied, leaning back against Seth.

“You’ve been gone more than ten minutes. I just wanted to check that everything is okay.” Dom replied.

“Everything’s fine.” Ryan told him, and was it Seth’s imagination or was Ryan sounding totally fucked out?

“By the sounds of it, everything’s more than fine.” Seth could hear the grin in Dom’s voice.

“Thanks for checking in, Dom, but you can go now.” Ryan was using his impatient voice, but he was smiling at Seth.

“Uh-huh. How about I tell Trey that you’re unwell and are leaving early?”

“That would be good, thanks man.” Ryan ran a finger down the side of Seth’s face before resting it across his lips, signaling him to be quiet.

“No worries,” they heard the creak of Dom opening the door to exit. “And you might want to crack a window or something, it reeks in here. Nice to meet you, Seth.”

Seth couldn’t hide his blush, “Ah, you too.”

Ryan started to laugh as soon as they heard Dom exit the bathroom, and Seth couldn’t help but laugh too.

“Come on, let’s get out of here.”

 

**REASON IS TREASON – PART NINE**

 

Seth’s Mom was drinking again. She’d been careful to hide it from Seth, but he knew the signs. For starters, she avoided him like the proverbial plague. And seeing as there wasn’t an Ebola outbreak currently, he knew that something had to be wrong. Sandy was being extra attentive to him to try and make up for Kirsten’s absence, talking to him with fake enthusiasm about Berkeley, which, if anything, confirmed Seth’s suspicions. The week prior Sandy had still seemed a little pissed that Seth wasn’t going to Brown.

It always seemed to happen like that. Kirsten would have a string of weeks of being fine, then something would happen and she’d crash. Seth loved his mother, he really did, but she surely had to be the worst member of her AA group ever. And it’s not easy walking around the house while someone you love plummets before your eyes.

So when Ryan told him that he didn’t have to work that Sunday, Seth hastily proposed that they get away, out of Newport Beach. He remembered the way that Ryan had arched one eyebrow, asking if this was a weekend away, as in a _weekend away_ , the word _dirty_ implied, but carefully omitted. Seth had swallowed nervously, realizing that it was exactly what he was asking, and hoped that he could keep the fear of what that suggested from his face. Because yeah, there’d been the odd hand job since their first time in the movie theater a few weeks before (and Seth was well aware of how classy a location that was), but there hadn’t been much else. Truth be told, they never really had the privacy to do other stuff. And Seth really didn’t want to go all _George Michael_ and get arrested or anything.

Sandy wasn’t too hard to convince. Seth was eighteen, after all, and legally could do whatever he liked. But when Seth told his father that he wanted to get away from the house for the weekend and head into LA under the guise of attending a gig, he seemed almost relieved, a hint of sadness crinkling his eyes with the knowledge of what Seth was trying to get away from.

It was now Saturday, and Seth pushed through the door of The Crab Shack to pick up Ryan at the end of his lunch shift, and then they were heading to Santa Monica for the night. Glancing at the clock, he noted that it was a few minutes after 3pm. He hoped that Ryan was just grabbing his jacket so that they could hit the road.

Ryan’s face lit up the second he saw Seth. He wandered over to him, and Seth could tell he had to restrain himself not to lean forward and brush a kiss against his lips.

“Hey,” Ryan smiled, his voice a little breathy.

“Hey,” Seth replied, inwardly grateful that Ryan seemed as nervous as he was. Because this was big. Huge even. This wasn’t just spending a few hours together. This was spending twenty-four hours in Ryan’s company, alone. Twenty-four hours where Ryan could start to find Seth’s rambling annoying, and not amusing. Twenty-four hours where he could prove to Ryan just how big of a geeky nerd he was. Twenty-four hours for Ryan to get repulsed by Seth’s scrawny body and decide that if he’s going to go for guys, he could get a guy far more attractive. Oh Jesus and Moses, what was Seth thinking when he suggested this?

“Can you wait, twenty minutes?” Ryan asked, looking at Seth through his lashes. “One of the kitchen hands called in sick today, and they need help getting ready for dinner tonight.”

Seth exhaled. “Sure.”

“I won’t be long,” Ryan assured him. “Take a seat at the bar, I’ll get you a Coke.”

Seth followed Ryan to the bar and took a seat, grabbing the newspaper as he went. Ryan walked around and deposited his drink next to him. A chill went up Seth’s spine as Ryan leaned in and whispered in his ear, “I’ll be as quick as I can be.”

Not even five minutes had passed when a shadow fell across Seth’s page, and a body dropped in the seat next to his at the bar. Seth looked up and glanced at the man, immediately recognizing him as Dom, Ryan’s cousin from soccer. Ryan’s cousin who wanted to meet him. Ryan’s cousin who potentially wanted to kick his ass.

Seth had never seen him close up before, so he took the time to study his appearance. Unlike the Nordic look which Ryan seemed to favor, Dom had dark eyes, slightly olive skin, and dark wavy hair that wasn’t unlike Seth’s own. His strong jaw, however, was obviously inherited from Ryan’s side of the family.

They nodded at each other in acknowledgement. Seth heard Dom clear his throat before speaking.

“Ryan still working?”

Seth nodded and took a sip of his Coke to lubricate his suddenly dry throat. “Yeah, he should be done soon,”

“Are you here to pick him up then?”

“We’re heading to LA this afternoon,”

At this piece of news, Seth saw Dom arch his eyebrow in a very Ryan-like way.

“So I guess he doesn’t need a ride home from me then,” Dom stated more than asked, but made no move to rise from his chair.

“I guess not,” Seth muttered.

They sat there in a somewhat awkward silence. Seth watched the clock tick, and the second hand moved so slowly it was almost going backwards.

“So, you and Ryan, huh?”

“Uh, yeah. I guess,” was Seth’s uneasy reply. He had no idea what Dom was still doing here. No idea what he wanted from him.

“Ryan’s a great guy,” Dom started, “Smart too. Could get into any college he wanted if he had the money.”

“I know,” Seth nodded.

“And he seems to really like you,” Dom confided.

Seth smiled shyly. “I hope so…”

“You’re not fucking with him, are you?” Dom asked suddenly.

“What? No. Of course not…” Seth protested, taken aback by the sudden change in the direction of the conversation.

“Because I may not be on the Atwood side of Ryan’s family tree, but I know what shit goes down between your families,” Dom hastily added.

“Believe me, there’s only one person in my family who knows we’re seeing each other, and she’s not too happy about it at all,” Seth replied.

There was silence as Dom seemed to process this. After a few moments he nodded his head.

“So you like him then?” he asked quietly.

Seth swallowed hard. “Yeah, I do.”

“Okay,” Dom stated, and then his voice turned softer, a tone more of concern than threat. “Just don’t hurt him.”

“I don’t plan on it,” Seth looked Dom in the eyes as he said this, hoping his sincerity was coming across. “You’re not gonna kick my ass, are you?”

A smile broke across Dom’s face, crinkling the corners of his dark eyes. “Nah,”

Buoyed on by Dom’s smile, Seth muttered, “Cos I could totally take you.”

“Please, I’m slightly less scrawny than you are. I’d definitely win,” Dom joked.

They continued to banter back and forth for five minutes, and Seth learned that although Dom was working as a mechanic, it was his dream to strike it rich one day, maybe use his sales skills to land himself a well-paying job. Seth had always been nervous about meeting Ryan’s relatives, but the longer this conversation continued, the more he warmed to Dom.

When Ryan finally emerged from the kitchen with his jacket on and an overnight bag slung over his shoulder, he shot a surprised and curious look their way. Walking towards them, Ryan casually draped his arm across Seth’s shoulders in an almost protective way, a stern gaze fixed on his cousin.

“Ryan, hey,” Dom greeted. “Seth and I were just getting to know each other, seeing as you refused to introduce us.”

Seth snaked his arm around Ryan’s waist. “Yeah, Ryan. Were you really still wetting the bed in the fifth grade?”

Ryan groaned and cast a murderous look towards Dom. “This is why I refused to introduce you,” he muttered through gritted teeth. Then, turning to Seth he continued. “It was once in the fifth grade, and I had a fever.”

“Yeah, but it was in my bed,” Dom reminded him.

“You are so very dead,” Ryan informed him. “What are you doing here anyway?”

“I was in the neighborhood and wanted to know if you needed a ride home. But Seth informed me of your dirty weekend away…”

“Hey!” Seth protested, “no one mentioned the word dirty. No one has ever mentioned the word dirty.”

Ryan raised an eyebrow at the both of them before focusing on Seth. “Speaking of which, shouldn’t we be going?” and then pointedly looking at his cousin, Ryan added “Now?”

Seth shared a knowing smile with Dom. It was nice to have someone to conspire with against Ryan. Uncomfortable Ryan was definitely someone Seth found adorable. Hmmm, adorable. He’d never really thought of a guy as being adorable before. Man, was he head over heels for Ryan or what.

“Yeah, we really should. Dom, it was a pleasure.” Ryan’s arm fell away from Seth’s shoulders as he stood, and Seth missed the contact immediately. He shook Dom’s hand, and they all made their way to the parking lot.

“Drive safe,” Dom heeded, getting into his car, waving at them.

Once Seth was buckled up in the driver’s seat, he glanced over at Ryan to see a nervous look in his blue eyes. “Are you okay?”

Ryan nodded in response. “So, what did you think of Dom?”

Seth made a show of contemplating before answering. “He seems great. He likes to talk a lot. And coming from me, that’s really saying something.”

“The two of you are too fucking alike. I knew I should have kept you apart for longer.”

“I’m just amazed that there’s someone out there with dark curly hair as untamed as mine,” Seth commented. “I thought I was the only one. And he’s funny, he has a very dry sense of humor. Oh, and he reads Justice League too!”

“Are you sure you don’t want to be going to Santa Monica with him instead?” Ryan asked, trying for flippant but coming off as petulant.

Seth’s face softened, and he snaked a hand around the back of Ryan’s neck, pulling him close so he could leave a dry kiss on his lips.

“I thought I made it pretty obvious that you’re the only one I want to be anywhere with,” he murmured, their foreheads pressed together.

Ryan squeezed Seth’s thigh. “Come on then, let’s go have our dirty weekend away.”

***

Ryan had somewhat loosened up by the time they pulled onto Ocean Avenue, the iconic Ferris Wheel on the pier welcoming them to their destination. He had been nervous all morning about what the evening would hold, being alone with Seth for that long. Long enough for Seth to realize that he wasn’t mysterious or interesting, just his old boring self. However, the second he saw Seth arrive at his work, the knot that had tied itself in his stomach slowly started unraveling, and continued to do so over the course of their journey.

It didn’t take too long to get from Newport Beach to Santa Monica. Along the way Ryan found himself grinning when the playlist changed from an emo-sounding track to Metalica or Journey, and Ryan knew that Seth programmed them for him. He reminded himself that this was real, that Seth really did like him for who he was. He didn’t have to pretend to be cool, aloof, or macho. Seth let him be quiet when he didn’t want to talk, and when he didn’t want to listen either, Seth would just drive, casting the occasional glance from the corner of his eye until Ryan was ready to break the silence.

He had been nervous about Seth meeting Dom. His apprehension wasn’t the same as Seth’s – Dom had said that he was cool with Ryan dating a guy, and he believed him – but Dom was a born salesman, he had charisma. Ryan had been worried that Seth meeting someone like him would show Ryan up for the boring guy he was.

But Seth was still here sitting next to him, a hand casually resting on Ryan’s thigh, and the way he would occasionally take his eyes off the road to catch his eye and smile… that smile, the one that goes all the way to his dark eyes…

“This is the hotel, just on the right here,” Seth mentioned casually, removing his hand from Ryan’s thigh to indicate.

Ryan tore his gaze from his boyfriend to take a closer look at the hotel where they’d be spending the night. He stared at the gaudy aqua and gold paint that was the outside, The Georgian Hotel emblazoned in gold above the verandah, and hoped that it was a lot more tasteful inside.

And it was. The foyer was stunning, warm hues of green and cream and brown in complete contrast to the exterior of the building. Ryan could tell that it had been built in the Art Deco era, and looked to have been beautifully restored only recently.

Standing in the lobby with his tattered bag over his shoulder, waiting while Seth went and checked them into their room, Ryan felt like an imposter.

This place was for the rich, for the classy. Not for some poor kid who had grown up on the wrong side of the Newport Beach tracks.

“I know what you’re thinking, man,” Seth said when he returned to his side. “But believe me, this is one of the cheaper places to stay in Santa Monica. I’ve got it covered.”

Seth led Ryan up the steps to the elevator, and waited for it to return to the lobby. It took a while, and when it finally came, Ryan realized why. It looked to be a restored version of its original 1930’s contraption. Seth reached out and grabbed at Ryan’s hand as he punched the number six on the pad, sensing Ryan’s discomfort. He hated heights and enclosed spaces, and this lift was taking for fucking ever to reach its destination. He pulled at the collar of his shirt with his free hand to let some air in, and felt Seth squeeze a little tighter.

Finally they reached their floor, and Seth continued to grip onto his hand as he led them to their room. Walking across the threshold, Ryan barely had enough time to put his bag down before Seth had him crowded against the inside of the door, pinning his hands against it and devouring him.

Ryan wasn’t sure whether to find Seth’s need for dominance slightly disturbing or surprisingly hot, but when Seth’s tongue licked past his lips and into his mouth he settled on the latter. Twice he tried to get control of his limbs back, his fingers aching to sink into his hair, only to have Seth hold him a bit harder against the door.

“Mmm…” Seth murmured, pulling away slightly and raining light kisses across his lips and cheekbone. “I’ve been wanting to do that since 3:02 this afternoon.”

Ryan smiled, and he felt Seth loosen the grip on his wrists. He ran his hand under Seth’s shirt and across the smooth skin of his lower back. “Are you going to let me take a look at the room now?”

Seth grinned sheepishly, dropped a quick kiss on his lips, and pulled away from him. Ryan took in his surroundings. Like the lobby, the room was tastefully adorned, warm colors of beige, cream, green and brown. The room itself wasn’t very big, but the king size bed in the center of the room certainly was. His eyes lingered over the bed and everything it represented.

“I shouldn’t have booked a King room, should I?” Seth muttered apologetically at the carefully blank look on Ryan’s face. “It’s just that it was that or two singles, and I know that we haven’t been doing this very long but I really, really just wanted to know what it was like to sleep next to you, and now I’ve assumed too much and you’re going to disappear on me at the pier and…”

“Breathe, Seth,” Ryan reminded him, then paused. “It’s fine. It’s just, you know,”

“More real when it’s in the room with you?” Seth asked and Ryan nodded. “It doesn’t have to mean anything, Ryan. We can do whatever we want, or not do whatever we want. I just want you next to me, is that okay?”

Ryan wasn’t sure if he was happy or disappointed at that, but he figured they would work that out later. There were definitely things, new things, that Ryan had been thinking about at night in his own bed when he was trying to sleep. There were also things that Ryan didn’t think he was quite ready for yet. But they would just keep making it up as they go along. That seemed to be what they were doing throughout this whole relationship.

“Sorry, I have to stop over-thinking things.” Ryan said.

“No, man. Don’t apologize. Over-analysis is what we’re good at. But how about right now, tonight, we try and stop thinking a little?” Seth suggested.

Ryan leaned across and placed a chaste kiss on Seth’s lips. “Okay. So, what do you want to do now?”

Seth arched his eyebrows suggestively. “I could think of a few things. But seeing as we are in Santa Monica, how about we head to the promenade?”

“Sounds good,” Ryan nodded.

***

After Ryan had changed out of his work clothes (and Seth was totally not checking him out with his shirt off), they headed to Third Street. Ryan was trying to save for college, so he mainly tailed Seth into a few CD stores, picking up some items but not purchasing them. When they made it to Barnes & Noble they split up, with Seth heading to the humor section.

It was at least an hour later that Seth found Ryan again, head buried in a large and heavy-looking book on architecture.

“I’m ready to go when you are,” Seth informed him, holding up the stack of books in his hand. A few authors he hadn’t tried yet, and a book by David Sedaris he’d yet to read.

“Sure,” Ryan said, casting one last look at the book before rising and placing it back on the shelf.

“What was that you were looking at?” Seth asked curiously.

“Nothing much. It was just a pictorial on the different European architectural influences over the centuries.” Ryan shrugged.

“Was it interesting?” he enquired. Seth really liked Europe, but studying the history of its architecture really wasn’t his thing.

“Yeah, it was really good, actually,” Ryan continued. “All the different designs and how they’ve influenced some of the more modern buildings. It’s a great book.”

Seth looked down at Ryan’s empty hands. “Well, why don’t you buy it?”

“Because it’s $150, Seth,” he told him. “And if I’m moving to Berkeley in four months, I can’t afford to buy things like that.”

Seth nodded in response. “I’m sorry. I forget sometimes that people don’t have an endless supply of money.”

Ryan shook his head. “Don’t worry about it.”

They headed towards the counter so Seth could pay for his books, then ate dinner at a little Thai restaurant on the promenade. Seth could see Ryan looking out of the window into the darkness, his blue eyes fixed on the street performers.

When he returned his gaze to find Seth staring at him, Ryan smiled. A warmth grew from Seth’s toes right up to his chest. Ryan’s smile reached his eyes, and Seth was happy to see the sparkle in amongst the blue, his shoulders not so tense as usual. It was the most relaxed Seth had ever seen him.

“This was a good idea, man,” Ryan said softly, “It’s been that long since I’ve been out of Newport Beach…”

“I’m really enjoying myself,” Seth replied.

They continued to grin at each other as they continued with their meal. They were slowly becoming more relaxed being alone in each other’s company, and at one stage Seth reached his legs across to tangle in Ryan’s more muscular ones.

After they finished their food, which Ryan insisted on paying for seeing as Seth was paying for the room, they headed down the road to the Santa Monica Pier. Feeling bold, Seth grabbed Ryan’s hand and laced their fingers together. Ryan looked down at their joined hands, and Seth could feel the tension that suddenly tightened Ryan’s shoulders. But then he heard Ryan exhale, squeeze his hand a little and he relaxed, and they continued to walk through the amusements like that.

When they got to the foot of the Ferris Wheel, Ryan shot an incredulous look at Seth.

“No. No way,” he said vehemently before Seth had even opened his mouth.

“Come on, Ryan. You can’t come to the pier and not go on the Ferris Wheel.”

“You can, and I won’t be.” He shook his head, trying to tug Seth away, but he held his ground.

“Please, Ryan?” He knew it was unfair of him, but Seth turned his puppy-dog eyes on him. It had worked every time previously, and he could already feel Ryan’s resistance soften.

He breathed an exasperated sigh. “You want to go on it that much?” he asked wearily, and Seth nodded fiercely like a petulant child. He watched Ryan tilt his head up to look at the top of the wheel, then back down at Seth. “You are going to make this up to me.”

Seth grinned wildly. “I promise I will! And don’t worry, I know ways to distract you.”

Ryan breathed nervously as they climbed into their carriage, and gripped onto Seth’s thigh hard as they started to ascend. Seth could almost feel the fingertip-shaped bruises already. 

“Dude,” Seth began, “you really suck at heights.”

“Really, Seth? I hadn’t noticed.” Ryan bitched sarcastically in a tone that Seth would normally take offense to, if Ryan wasn’t hanging onto him so tightly.

“It doesn’t go for very long,” Seth tried to reassure him. “Maybe I should sit on the other side to balance it out…”

“No!” Ryan grabbed onto him harder when he tried to rise from his seat. “Don’t do anything to rock this thing.”

“Okay,” Seth muttered in a calming tone. “Look at the view from here though, Ryan. It’s awesome.”

He saw Ryan very deliberately take a wider look at LA by only moving his neck. The rest of his body stayed perfectly still.

“It’s great,” Ryan told him through gritted teeth, and then felt the jolt of the Ferris Wheel letting passengers off from each carriage.

Seth could feel the half-moon crescents being imprinted into his skin and knew it was time for distraction. He reached across and used two fingers to turn Ryan’s head towards his, bringing their mouths together in a kiss that started slow and light, but quickly turned desperate. All thoughts of heights and rides slipped from Seth’s mind as he felt Ryan’s tongue caress his, Ryan’s hands loosening their grip on his thigh and sliding higher. Seth pulled Ryan closer to deepen the kiss, traveling one hand under the back of his shirt, the other cupping his crotch. Seth was lost, drowning in Ryan.

“God, I want you.” He breathed, and Ryan responded by kissing him harder, touching him everywhere.

“God, Seth.”

“Eh-hem.” They were interrupted by the ride operator clearing his throat, opening their carriage and indicating with a sweep of his hands that they should disembark. Both boys blushed as they untangled themselves, pulling their shirts down a little further as they exited the ride.

“The hotel’s right across the road, right?”

***

By the time they reached the hotel room, both boys were breathing heavily. Mainly because Ryan insisted that they climb the six flights of stairs instead of taking the rickety old elevator, but partly also because both of them had been hard since their carriage on that damned ride was about three places from the top.

All bets were off as soon as their door locked shut behind them. Seth started pushing Ryan’s jacket from his shoulders, and Ryan responded in kind, unzipping his green hoodie, kissing his lips in between pulling t-shirts over heads.

“Shower with me,” Ryan breathed heavily into Seth’s ear, the question past his lips before he’d even contemplated suggesting it.

He heard Seth’s sharp intake of breath, felt the shiver go through his body.

“You want to shower with me?” he questioned hesitantly.

Ryan nodded. “It’s okay if you’re not ready though…”

“No, I want to…” he trailed off, attacking Ryan’s neck with his lips. Ryan grabbed his hand and led him a few steps into the aqua bathroom.

It was a shower-over-bath, and Ryan leaned across to turn the faucet on. Turning back to Seth, he trailed his hand down his flat stomach, ending at the top of his jeans. He felt him shake as he started popping the buttons, and it took all of Ryan’s willpower to stop.

“We don’t have to do anything, Seth,” Ryan reminded him, raising a hand to caress his cheekbone.

Seth leaned into the touch. “No, I want to. I’m okay, really. We’ve just, you know, never been naked with each other before.”

And Ryan got it, he did. But they’d felt each other up and gotten each other off, and he already knew that neither of them had anything to worry about size-wise or anything.

“I know I’m just being stupid, but you’re, like, totally hot, and I’m just this scrawny geek who attempts to hide said scrawniness under a multitude of t-shirts and stuff…”

Ryan shook his head to try and reassure him. He hadn’t even really considered wanting to be naked with another guy before he met Seth. There had always been a part of him that was curious, sure. But for the first time in his life he wanted to be stripped down with another male, feel them skin to skin, explore where they’re similar and where they’re different.

“I really want to see you,” Ryan murmured. “All of you.”

He could see Seth’s eyes pool into a puddle of liquid chocolate before nodding his head. “Okay,”

At that go-ahead, Ryan smiled weakly and continued back at the buttons of Seth’s jeans, releasing them one by one until he could hook his thumbs into his underwear and tug them down. Seth returned the favor until both boys were naked and vulnerable in front of each other.

They stepped into the tub under the spray of water, Seth inching forward until he was embraced by his boyfriend. For the first time, they were connected bare skinned, head to toe with nothing but a thin sheen of water between them. Ryan wanted to burst out of his skin it felt so damned electric. Shocks and shivers traveled up his spine and his cock got impossibly harder. He tilted his head until his lips connected with Seth’s, and suddenly the uncertainty was gone, the modesty had vanished, and all that Ryan could sense was how hot his own skin was, rubbing against Seth’s like that.

Seth was devouring Ryan hungrily, like he’d been lost in the desert and Ryan was that bottle of Evian he could have sworn was in his day pack. As they continued to kiss they got bolder, more confident. Ryan ran his hands down Seth’s narrow back, cupping his ass and bringing him closer. A shiver ran up the back of Ryan’s neck as an mmmm escaped from Seth’s throat and into his mouth, and he felt Seth’s hands mirroring his own.

He didn’t want to get out of the shower, ever, if he could help it. But the way that Seth was pulling him closer, the way they were grinding against each other, was producing the most delicious friction against Ryan’s already over-sensitized flesh. Just as he was about to vocalize his suggestion of abandoning the shower for the bed, Seth muttered a statement breathily against his neck that almost pushed Ryan to climax right then.

“God, I want to suck you.”

And it wasn’t a whimper escaping from Ryan’s lips. No, not at all. But he did reach across to turn off the taps, stepping out of the tub and throwing a towel at Seth.

Ryan had Seth on his back on their enormous bed in seconds that felt like minutes. Desire like he had never felt before was pumping through his veins, and for the first time in what felt like years he let his brain disengage from his body.

So when his soft lips traveled down Seth’s body, pausing at his nipples to give them a hard nibble followed by a soothing lick, Ryan wasn’t thinking about the betrayal his family would feel, knowing he was with the so-called enemy. He wasn’t thinking that by doing this he was leaving himself open and vulnerable for Seth to hurt him emotionally. He wasn’t thinking that by doing this he was waving a white flag to that one part of him that was still convinced he liked girls.

Especially with the way that Seth’s deep breathing hitched every time Ryan’s lips grazed a new patch of skin. Or the way that Seth’s large hands carded through his hair, massaging his scalp.

He felt as if he would die if he didn’t make Seth come right the fuck now.

When Ryan breathed against Seth’s cock, Seth groaned with pleasure, but grabbed at his shoulders and pushed him away a little.

“Wait,” Seth started.

Ryan looked up into Seth’s brown eyes, pupils blown wide, face flushed.

“I want to,” Ryan said simply, gripping Seth’s cock and jacking it slowly, just the way he knew he liked it.

Seth hissed a little and closed his eyes at the sensation. “And believe me, I want you to.”

“Then…”

“I was the one who wanted to suck you,” Seth reminded him, sitting up a little and pulling Ryan toward him. Seth leaned forward and kissed Ryan, all messy-like, too wet and a lot of tongue. It was possibly the hottest kiss Ryan had experienced in his life.

When Seth broke away and Ryan became aware of his surroundings again, he noticed that sometime while his tongue had been entwined with his boyfriend’s, Seth had managed to flip them so that Ryan was the one on his back.

Ryan groaned at the first tentative lick at the head of his cock. Mustering up every ounce of willpower he had, he mentioned, “You don’t have to do this, Seth.”

Seth cocked an eyebrow at him. “Yeah, I do,” and he licked a line down his length. “You’ve instigated everything else. Let me be the first to do this, okay?”

But it wasn’t really a question, and Ryan was only human after all. He closed his eyes, because the sight of Seth’s pink mouth stretched around him was doing nothing for his stamina. It wasn’t the best blow job he’d ever gotten, but it felt better than anything he’d ever done in his life. Seth was enthusiastic if not anything else, and every time Ryan groaned at something he was doing, he would do it over and over again until Ryan became a puddle of need.

Ryan managed to give a strangled warning when he was about to come, and Seth pulled off with a slurp, casting Ryan a grateful look before wrapping one of those large and skillful hands around him until the world behind Ryan’s blue eyes went white.

“So fucking hot,” Seth murmured, creeping up Ryan’s body, planting a hard kiss on his lips.

“Fuck me,” Ryan said in agreement, breath ragged.

***

A while later, after Ryan had returned the favor and they had cleaned themselves up, Ryan snuggled up against Seth under the comforter, spooning him.

“Is this okay?” he whispered, sleep starting to pull at the edges of his consciousness.

“It’s awesome,” Seth murmured, his voice gravelly.

Ryan smiled and dropped a kiss against Seth’s shoulder.

“Ryan?” Seth broke the silence.

“Yeah?”

“You’re not going to wet the bed, are you? I mean, you’re over that, right?” Seth asked cheekily.

“I’m going to kill Dom,” Ryan informed him. “Just wait until I meet Summer. I’ll get some dirt on you.”

“Be careful what you wish for,” Seth warned softly, and Ryan could hear his breathing even out as sleep overtook him.

Ryan snuggled closer and wrapped an arm around Seth’s bare waist. His last thoughts before sleep claimed him had something to do with the feeling that life could actually work out for him after all. If Ryan got to have someone like Seth want him, care about him, want to spend time with him, then maybe his run of being down on his luck was over. Being with Seth, it was like his life had moved from black and white into technicolor; from grey into sunshine. He could do this. He could finish high school, he could study at college, he could have Seth and that elusive L word that was hovering over him, even if it hadn’t quite settled in his chest yet.

As his eyes fluttered open and closed one last time, the feeling that his life was pretty damned close to perfect right now lulled him to sleep with a smile on his face.

So when everything went to shit a few weeks later, Ryan wasn’t exactly prepared.

Unsurprised, but also unprepared.

 

 

**REASON IS TREASON – PART TEN**

 

It had been a good week for Seth, the week where everything ended up going wrong.

In fact, it wasn’t so much the week where everything went wrong, more like the day where everything went wrong, or even the minute where everything went wrong. Because it wasn’t so much a string of events compounding on each other, it was more like a case of being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

But yeah, it had been a good week. It had been a good few weeks.

He returned from Santa Monica late on the Sunday afternoon feeling sated and wanted and somewhat closer to Ryan than he’d ever felt with anybody. Even Anna, and they had fooled around a bit before she moved out of the state. When he had gotten home, he had found his parents sitting at the kitchen table drinking coffee, and he was invited to join them. Naturally, his first instinct was oh fuck, they know, but then he noticed the apologetic look on his mother’s face, and he knew that he was safe. It turned out that Kirsten hadn’t attended a single AA meeting for three months, which Seth was surprised at seeing as he saw her leave the house every week for it. She apologized to the both of them for being so weak, then apologized pointedly to Seth for driving him out of the house for the weekend. The conversation ended with Kirsten promising to do better, and group hugs all round.

And since then life was just generally brighter. School was going to be over for good in three weeks time, he’d gotten a job at the comic book store to keep himself occupied while Ryan worked construction over the summer, and he’d been on the receiving end of another two blow jobs from said boyfriend that just seemed to get better and more intense every time.

So while Seth thought that things were a little too good to be true, he didn’t expect things to end up quite like they did.

***

It was a Saturday, the day it all happened. It started out like any normal Saturday… well, a normal Saturday since Ryan’s birthday when he’d backed Seth against a wall and kissed him like it was going out of fashion. Not that kissing would ever go out of fashion, right? Even if it did, Seth was so far out of what was in fashion, he’d never know anyway until Summer would mutter _oh Cohen, making out is *so* last season._

But that’s so not the point.

So yeah, a Saturday, which meant that Seth was up, coffeed, bageled, and out the door in time to catch Ryan’s soccer match, for which he still didn’t quite get the rules. But truthfully, Seth wasn’t really paying attention to the game so much as paying attention to Ryan. Ryan with his muscular legs on display, sweat darkened hair, the moisture causing the material of his shirt to cling to his chest…

As soon as the game was over (a two-all draw, which supposedly meant to have made it an exciting match), Seth watched Ryan shake the hands of the opposing side and clap his teammates on the back. Seth knew this was his cue to head to the parking lot. Five minutes later the passenger door opened, and Ryan leaned in for a quick kiss before Seth pulled out of the lot.

Normally on a Saturday, if Ryan was working the lunch shift at The Crab Shack, Seth would drive him to the restaurant where he would have just enough time to shower and change before his shift. If he was working the evening shift, like he was doing today, Seth would drive them someplace quiet where they could talk and make out a little before heading somewhere not-local for lunch. Then Seth would drop Ryan two blocks from his house so he could shower and change before work.

Today’s quiet place was twenty minutes out of Newport Beach and up in some park land in a new development, away from the crowds. Seth put the car in park, and sharing a knowing smile with Ryan, both boys got out of the front seats and into the back.

“Hey,” Seth said in delayed greeting.

Ryan was too busy staring at Seth’s mouth to reply in kind, or do anything other than lean forward and capture his lips in his own, and Seth groaned at the passion he felt behind the kiss. Ryan tasted like sweat and Gatorade, and Seth couldn’t imagine a better combination.

“Is it just me,” Seth began, breaking away from Ryan’s lips to speak. “Or do we want each other more since Santa Monica?”

Ryan panted softly as Seth’s lips trailed down his neck, taking in the scent of sweat and dirt and Ryan. And Jesus and Moses, Seth loved the smell of sweat on Ryan’s skin.

“It’s just you,” Ryan said lightly as Seth lifted his shirt off over his head.

“Oh, it is, is it?” Seth teased. “So you won’t want me to do be doing this then,”

Ryan’s hips bucked as Seth grazed his tongue and teeth across his nipples. “Uh-uh. It’s awful.”

“Well if you don’t like that,” he started, trailing his way down to the waistband of his shorts where he could see Ryan was half-hard already. “Then you’ll definitely not be wanting me to suck your dick.”

Ryan let out a strangled groan that Seth took as approval, and proceeded to inch his shorts down until his cock sprung free. He gripped Ryan’s cock and proceeded to jack it to full hardness.

“No, wait, don’t,” Ryan began before Seth hadn’t done much more than touch his tongue to the tip.

“I want to,” Seth looked up at Ryan in confusion.

“I’m gross, Seth. I’ve just run around on a soccer field and haven’t showered. It has to be pretty ripe down there.”

“I don’t care,” Seth told him seriously. “I really want to suck you, Ryan. In fact, my head might explode if I don’t. And that would be really messy, and would mean no more blowjobs for you, and you really don’t want that…”

“Fuck, Seth, just do it,”

Seth grinned at the interruption and got to work, knowing that Ryan was just being polite in not wanting Seth to do it in the first place. After all, what guy didn’t want his dick sucked? He tried to remember everything he’d done in the last three blowjobs he’d given Ryan so he could repeat the moves that caused the biggest reaction. It must have worked because in what felt like no time, Ryan was tapping him on the shoulder with an almost pained look on his face.

“I’m gonna come,”

Seth pulled off and looked into his eyes. “So come,”

Ryan cast a look of disbelief as Seth took him in again, giving him several long, hard sucks until he felt him fill his mouth. He managed to swallow a few times wiping the excess from the corners with the back of his hand.

“God, Seth,” Ryan declared, pulling Seth up against him, kissing him eagerly. “That was amazing,”

Seth smiled. He loved doing this, loved making Ryan lose control. He never quite realized how much Ryan had been holding back until the last few weeks when he had became a lot more relaxed, a lot more free with him. Now, when Seth picked him up from school or work, he would quickly glance around the parking lot before giving Seth a quick kiss hello. When Seth made a snide comment on something, Ryan would say something sarcastic back. And the other night at the movies, Ryan held his hand the entire time.

And every day, every time he saw Ryan, Seth started to do something he never thought he would.

He was falling in love.

And not just the school-boy crush kind of love he thought he had for Anna, but the kind that takes over your whole body. The kind where you think about them constantly, smile when you see their name on your phone display, count down the seconds until you can see them again. The kind where your lips tingle just thinking of their kisses, your skin aches to have their hands on you again.

Right now, Seth’s almost welcoming these revelations. Running his hands through Ryan’s slightly damp hair as he takes him in his mouth, he feels like nothing could get better than this, like nothing can touch him. Rejection isn’t a foreign concept to Seth, it’s something he has had dealt with countless times growing up, and he’s a little guarded now because of it. But right now he feels so safe with Ryan, he lets himself open up and fully absorb everything that he’s being given.

Little did he know that in a matter of hours how drastically things would change.

Lunch was at a busy diner just outside of town, and it was followed by ice cream and a stroll across a park.

It was Ryan who spotted them first, muttering Fucking Trey under his breath before taking off at a sprint. Seth followed him with his eyes and saw his cousins, Scott and Mark, in another fight with Trey, Pete, and someone else Seth didn’t recognize. Dom was down there too, but was staying clear of the punches being thrown.

As Seth made his way over towards them, intending to try and help Ryan break up the fight, he realized how differently he viewed this than the last time, now that he knew the circumstances behind it. The family feud didn’t help the tension in any way, but knowing that these fights started out over a girl that Scott had forgotten about years ago made it seem a bit redundant. And he knew that Trey was on his last strike as far as the police department went, and if he went to jail Ryan would be really upset. And Seth doesn’t like Ryan being upset.

So Seth didn’t think much of putting his body between Trey and Scott, telling them loudly to calm down. He glanced across to see Ryan holding Pete back, then reaching across with strong arms to grab at Trey in an effort to stop him.

It was while he was distracted with watching the muscles in Ryan’s arm flex that Trey’s fist connected with his face. At first he wasn’t quite sure what was happening. Then he felt the shock, he felt the pain, he felt his body twisting in a way he couldn’t control. He felt the sensation of falling.

And finally, when his head hit the pavement, he felt everything go gloriously black.

 

 

**REASON IS TREASON – CHAPTER EVELEN**

Seth blinked his eyes open about ten times before his vision cleared, and he immediately stiffened at the unfamiliar surroundings. His sharp intake of breath alerted the one person in the room with him that he was conscious.

“Seth, are you awake?” Summer inquired, placing her magazine on the bedside table and reaching over to push his hair from his forehead.

He gazed around, trying to get his bearings despite the way his body ached and the fuzzy feeling in his head. He knew something must have been wrong, especially with the way Summer’s eyebrows were furrowed in an almost concerned way. It had been a long time since Summer actively cared about Seth. Well, apart from when she found out he was dating Ryan. Wait, Ryan… there was something about Ryan circling in his brain…

“Ryan?” he said aloud, his voice coming out raspy.

“It’s okay, he’s fine, everyone’s fine but you,” she informed him.

Seth nodded, then looked down to see himself dressed in a hospital gown. That’s right, there was the fight, and… and… that’s where Seth’s memory got hazy.

“I’m in the hospital,” he stated more than questioned.

“Yep. How do you feel?”

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.” Seth wriggled and tried to push himself to sit up a little, wincing at the pain in his arm which felt surprisingly heavier than usual. He lifted up his left wrist to see a cast on it. “Huh,” he mused.

“You don’t remember?”

“I remember being out with Ryan. And there was a fight. And I think I got hit.” He brought his right hand to his face and gingerly touched his swollen cheekbone. “It gets a little hazy after that.”

Summer nodded. “You got knocked out, and when you fell, you fractured your wrist. You’ve been going in and out of consciousness ever since, but they gave you some pretty strong drugs, so I’m sure that didn’t help.”

“At least it’s my left hand,” he grinned.

“Eww, Cohen. I so did not need to know that!” Summer hit him in the shoulder, then apologized and rubbed at it when he winced.

“So when do I get to go home?” he asked, picking the lint balls off the blanket with his good hand.

“Tomorrow morning, provided that you stop speaking gibberish.”

“I don’t speak gibberish,” Seth protested.

“Yeah, you do,” Summer countered. “Most days. And you did in between consciousness too. That’s why you’re still here. They just want to make sure you’re okay overnight,”

Seth nodded, the fog in his brain starting to lift a little. “Uh, Summer. I’m really grateful you’re here and all. But… where are my parents?”

Summer grimaced before answering. “Your Dad had to go to the police station for a bit, then went to check on your Mom.”

“Mom?”

“Yeah, she, uh, hasn’t taken this very well.” Summer said in a knowing tone, a slightly crestfallen look on her face.

“She’s drunk?”

“Probably passed out by now. Sorry, Seth. She wasn’t doing much to hide the vodka bottle when my Dad and I went over there.”

He felt his heart drop at that, and closed his eyes and took a deep breath. She had been doing so well, so well over the past few weeks.

“Your Dad is coming to get you in the morning, if that makes you feel better?”

“Thanks, Summer,” Seth paused, wanting to ask the next question but unsure if he should. “Have you, uh, heard from Ryan at all?”

Summer shook her head at that, not in a no I haven’t way, but in an I can’t believe you asked that way. “You still want to see him? Even after all of this?”

“He’s not the one that punched me,” Seth protested angrily.

“But he’s still involved. Jesus, Seth, after everything that’s happened in the past and what’s happening now…”

“I’m not having this argument again, Summer. He’s my boyfriend, okay? And I really like him being my boyfriend!”

Summer let out an exasperated sigh, resigned, then grabbed Seth’s right hand and shoved it in his face. Seth was very confused about why she was doing that. Was she trying to get him to hit himself? Because that was very third grade of her if she was, and something they hadn’t done to each other since then.

But then his eyes fixed onto the leather cuff around his wrist. Ryan’s leather cuff. He let out a relieved sigh, and gingerly circled the cuff with his left hand.

“Wow,” Seth murmured.

“Mark said that the second you went down, Ryan was there. In fact, he tried to break your fall.” She looked as though it pained her to tell him this. “There was another guy there. Tall, brown curly hair, looks like you?”

“Dom,” Seth nodded, his recollection of before being hit becoming clearer.

“Whatever. He called the ambulance while Scott and Trey fought about it. They all ran off once the cops arrived. Even Scott. Curly hair guy and Mark stayed around until the paramedics got there.”

“Does Mark…”

“He thinks Ryan was so attentive because he doesn’t want Trey to go to jail. It’s practically common knowledge that he’s on his last strike.”

Seth let out a relieved sigh. “Thanks, Summer.”

“You’re welcome,” she said, rising from her chair. “But if you’re all okay now, I’m gonna get going. Sarah’s birthday party is tonight, and if I’m not there she’ll do something stupid like sleep with Sean again. Besides, the nurse has been trying to kick me out for the past hour. Visiting hours have been over for a while, and I think the doctor wanted to see you once you woke up for real.”

Seth nodded in response and watched her pick up her purse from the ground.

“I know we haven’t always been the bestest of friends, Seth. But you’re my cousin, and I’m glad you’re okay.” She leaned across and dropped a kiss on his forehead.

“Thanks, Summer,” he said again, watching her leave the room, leaving him alone with thoughts of his mother and Ryan and the mess they were all in.

***

A noise startled Seth from his sleep, and he looked across at the offender, his lips curving into a grin when he recognized who it was.

“Ryan,” he sighed sleepily, reaching out his good hand for him to take. “What time’s it?

Nervously, Ryan took the offered hand and held it to his lips. “Just after eleven.”

“How did you get in here? I mean, Summer’s Dad works here and the nurse tried to kick her out.”

Ryan ducked his head. “The head nurse on duty is my neighbor. I have to mow her lawn tomorrow.”

Seth couldn’t explain how relieved he felt that Ryan was here, next to him. Part of him was worried that Ryan didn’t want to see him again. And now that Ryan was here, sitting in the chair next to his bed, he didn’t feel close enough. Seth scooted over a little, revealing a small patch of bed, and patted it for Ryan to join him.

“No, Seth. I really shouldn’t. You need to get rest and…”

“Please.” Seth used his puppy-eyes to his full advantage. “Just for a few minutes?”

Ryan grinned and shook his head slightly, but rose from his seat and carefully laid next to Seth, swinging his arm around his neck so that Seth’s head was pillowed on his chest. Ryan dropped a kiss in his hair and played with the fingers on the hand without the cast.

“Thanks for the cuff,” Seth said, kissing Ryan’s chest through his work shirt. It smelled like a kitchen, and Seth’s tummy rumbled at the thought of fresh seafood.

“I wanted you to know I was there, even though I couldn’t be. Dom was yelling at me to run before the cops got there, and when they did, I tied it to your wrist while everyone was distracted,”

“Have any charges been made?” Seth asked, not really wanting to know, especially judging by the way Ryan stiffened at the question.

“No-one’s talking, but your father is furious. They want to interview you tomorrow so they can decide.”

“Just as well I don’t remember anything then,” Seth told him.

“Seth.”

“No, Ryan. I remember going to your soccer game, awesome blowjobs in the back of my car, lunch and ice cream, and that’s about it. I hear a concussion can do that to a person.”

“I don’t want you to lie for me.”

“Maybe I’m lying for me.” Seth tilted is head to look up at Ryan. “I’m selfish and spoiled, remember? And if Trey went to jail that would mean a lot less face time with you. And I really like your face.”

“Seth,” Ryan said again.

“I don’t remember anything,” he repeated.

He heard Ryan let out a sigh. “I thought you might not want to see me again after this.”

“Why?”

“Apart from the fact that my brother has given you some decent bruising on your cheekbone, knocked you out and broken your wrist?”

“It’s just a fracture, it will be healed in two weeks, tops.”

“But he hurt you.”

“He hurt me, you didn’t. You wouldn’t.”

Seth felt Ryan’s fingers run though his hair tenderly, feeling the bump from where he hit the ground.

“I care about you,” Ryan whispered. “A lot.”

“Same here,” Seth confessed, raising his head so his lips could meet Ryan’s. It was a sweet, closed mouth kiss that Seth really wanted to deepen, wanted to feel Ryan all over him, but his face was too sore to open his mouth wider.

He snuggled back into Ryan and felt his warmth and comfort flood through him as he drifted off to sleep.

In the morning, he woke up alone.

And the day was going to get a lot worse before anything got better. Ever. 

***

“We need to talk, kiddo.”

Seth had been home for all of an hour. His Dad had collected him from the hospital and they stopped to pick up some breakfast burritos and coffee, sweet delicious non-hospital coffee, to have at home. Sandy had instructed Seth to lay on the couch with a blanket and pillow, the TV remote within easy reaching distance.

“Do we have to talk now?” Seth asked, wanting to curl up forget that his face and wrist hurt more today than the day before.

“We need to talk before your mother gets home, and seeing as your Grandfather will be dropping her off at lunchtime it should be now.”

Seth sighed dramatically and pushed himself up into a sitting position. “So what are we talking about?”

“Summer told me that she mentioned that your mother took you being hospitalized hard,” Seth nodded at that, “And Mark told me some details about what went down yesterday, so we need to talk about that too.”

“I don’t remember much about yesterday,” Seth informed him, squirming a little under his stare.

“Humor me. Try,” Sandy challenged, and Seth realized that he was screwed. Because now that he was home and safe and fed, his Dad had his lawyer voice on.

“I don’t know. I was just hanging out with some friends, and I saw Scott and Mark were in trouble and I just… I don’t know. My mind goes blank around then.”

“What friends were you hanging out with?”

“No one you know,” Seth said hastily.

“What are their names?”

“What is this, the Spanish Inquisition?”

“It’s your father trying to get to the bottom of this so I can breathe easy knowing that it won’t be happening again.” Sandy told him sternly.

“You don’t know them,” Seth muttered again.

“These friends of yours. Their last name isn’t ‘Atwood’ by any chance? Or maybe they have relatives with that last name?”

Seth shot his head up a little too quickly to look into his father’s eyes, seeing them narrow a little.

“Why would you think…?”

“I went to Brown, Seth. I have a law degree, I passed my bar exam first go. Despite what you think, I’m a pretty smart guy. And from everyone’s very vague recollections of yesterday, the one thing I can’t connect is why you were anywhere near that fight. And why that at the same time as you got there, the Atwood’s suddenly had someone else come out of nowhere too?”

Seth didn’t know what to say to that. Didn’t know how to answer his father. He was feeling his control start to spiral and slip from his grasp, and he wasn’t quite sure what to do.

“You’ve been secretive with us for a while,” Sandy continued. “At first I thought it was the Berkeley thing, then I thought it was because of your mother. Now I think you’ve been hanging around with people you know we would never approve of.”

“Who I’ve been seeing doesn’t hurt anyone,” Seth mumbled.

Sandy threw him an incredulous look, rising from the sofa and pacing the room. “Doesn’t hurt anyone? Seth, your mother hasn’t touched the bottle for two weeks. Two weeks! Do you know how hard that is for her? Especially with everything that’s been going on at The Newport Group and your grandfather, and now this?”

Seth felt his hackles start to rise. “Everything that’s going on with Grandpa and work? How the hell am I supposed to know how hard it is when NO ONE WILL TELL ME!”

“Seth,” Sandy started.

“No. Just, no! You and Mom treat me like I’m seven years old, you have for years. I had to find out from Summer, SUMMER, that her Mom had an affair with an Atwood, and that was why she left town. Mom drinks, and you tell me it’s because of work but you don’t tell me anything about what’s going on there. How am I possibly supposed to know any of this if you won’t tell me!”

“You want to know, Seth? You really want to know it all?” Sandy questioned, an incredulous look on his face. “Fine, I’ll tell you why your Mom drinks because of work, I’ll tell you why you cannot be friends with an Atwood because they made her lose her Mom and her sister and she’s terrified at losing you too. By the time we’re done you will hear absolutely everything, and you can shoulder it like a man.”

Seth flinched at the venom in Sandy’s tone. But he wanted this. He wanted to hear why everyone was so intent on hiding things from him.

“I’m waiting,” he said impatiently with false bravado.

“Okay. So, The Newport Group,” Sandy paused. “This is your last chance to back out of hearing this.”

“Stop treating me like a child, Dad.”

He watched Sandy take a deep breath, the redness of anger draining from his face. He raked his fingers through his dark hair and took a seat beside Seth on the couch again, calming down. Seth looked to him with pleading eyes, wanting to understand the dynamics of all of this.

“ _The Newport Group_ is currently being audited. Which is nothing unusual except that your Grandfather has been doing some creative accounting for the past five years. A disgruntled former employee tipped the IRS off, and when Caleb dug a bit deeper, he found out that the employee had connections with the Atwoods.”

“So what does that mean?”

“It means a lot of stress. It means trying to keep the rumors about the company collapsing quiet before the shareholders start selling.”

“Could it collapse?”

“In my professional opinion, I think it will collapse, and I don’t think I’ll be able to keep your Grandfather out of jail for it.”

“So, what’s the plan?”

“The usual. Off-shore accounts. And we’ve already paid your tuition at Berkeley, so they can’t touch that,”

Seth nodded, selfishly relieved that his future plans were not in question.

“But every day your mother has to deal with this, and every day she struggles. Her father looks like he’s going to prison, and she’s scared for him.”

“Will it be for a long time?”

“It depends. Could be six months, more likely a few years.”

“So that’s why she’s been drinking? Because all of that is going on?”

“That, and every time Scott and Mark get into a fight with the Atwood boys, she drinks then too.”

Seth paused as he recalled the last time he found his mother drunk after one of their fights. “She said that they killed her mother. I thought Grandma died in a fire?”

Sandy let out a long breath.

“Strap yourself in kiddo. You want to hear of the on-going saga about the Nichols and the Atwoods? It’s long and it’s messy, and your mother will kill me when she finds out that you know.”

“I want to know, Dad.”

Sandy paused, steeling himself before finally telling Seth all that they had been sheltering him from.

“Okay then. Years ago, years and years ago, Caleb and Martin Atwood were good friends. They golfed together, they lunched together, they talked strategy together. You see, Caleb was just starting up his property development business, and Martin ran a construction business. They supported each other a great deal. And seeing as they were in the same industry, they would refer business to one another.”

“So what happened?”

“He found out that Martin was having an affair. With your Grandmother.”

“With Grandma?” Seth repeated.

Sandy nodded. “Apparently it had been going on for years before he found out. He was humiliated. So he did what your Grandfather does best.”

“Threw money at him until he went away?”

“No. He ruined his professional reputation, which caused his business to suffer.”

“So he did run the Atwood’s out of business,” Seth muttered to himself, recalling a months-old conversation with Ryan.

“Sadly, a few months later, the Atwood’s decided to get their revenge on Caleb by burning down the offices of The Newport Group. What they didn’t know was that your Grandmother was in the building at the time. She and your Grandfather had been fighting, and she went there to escape. The firemen got her out of there, but not before she died of carbon monoxide poisoning.”

“You told me it was an accident.” Seth mentioned, hurt that he’d been lied to since birth.

“I’m sorry kiddo. As far as the Coroner is concerned, it was an accident. Your Mom was only a teenager when it happened, and she never really got over it, never got over believing that the Atwoods had something to do with it.”

“Why do they think it was an accident?”

Sandy shook his head to indicate that he was unsure. “There were electrical problems with the building and the Coroner deemed that to be the cause. Your Grandfather had no proof that the wiring problems were caused by someone.”

“But what about the alarms? Wouldn’t she have heard them?”

“When they did the autopsy they found that she had an extremely high blood-alcohol reading. They think she must have been passed out to begin with.”

“Oh,” Seth hung his head sadly. “She was a drinker too?”

“From what your Grandfather says, yes she was. He may be a ruthless businessman, but it kills him to see his little girl repeating history.”

“So is that why Mom is scared we’ll be taken away too?”

“Part of it.” Sandy paused. “How much has Summer told you about your Aunt Kelly?”

“Only that she was tricked into an affair with Eric Atwood. She was going to leave her family to run away with him until she found out he was using her.” Seth informed him.

“That’s not entirely true,” Sandy began. “I was around when all of this happened, and if there’s one thing I’m sure of, Kelly and Eric loved each other.”

“Then…” Seth trailed off, confused.

“When Caleb found out they were having an affair… Christ, Seth, you should have seen the fireworks.”

“I can imagine.”

“I mean, we were all told to stay away from the Atwood’s, not just you kids. And she broke the cardinal rule.”

Seth tried to not feel guilty at that comment.

“And then he announced the one piece of news that changed their lives forever. You see, after your Grandmother died, Caleb had the girls paternity tested,”

“No way.” Seth could see where this was leading.

“Yes way. Kirsten was his, but Kelly wasn’t. And only two guesses as to who her real father is.”

“No way.” Seth said again, shaking his head. “So Summer and Mark and Scott are…”

“Atwoods, technically. But you have to swear that this will remain confidential, Seth. All those kids know is what Summer told you. It has to stay that way.”

Seth nodded his comprehension, still trying to wrap his head around the entire situation.

“So that, Seth, is the full story. Kelly ran away after she had the tests confirmed. Her marriage was over, and the man she loved was her half-brother. Not to mention the man she always knew as her father never wanted to see her again after the betrayal.”

“Poor Mom.” Seth hung his head in his hands.

“This is why, Seth. This is why you need to stay away from the Atwoods or whoever it is that you’re friends with. Because while we’re connected to that family things like your cousins fighting or you being hospitalized will keep happening. And your Mom is so worried about losing any more family to them that she’s drinking herself to death.” Sandy paused to take a breath, then regarded his son carefully. “Promise me, Seth. Promise me that you’ll stay away from them. Do it for your Mom. Do it for the wellbeing of your family.”

Seth’s stomach felt like it was about to drop out. His father had no idea what he was asking from him. He had no idea that Seth wasn’t just friends with an Atwood, he was committing the same family betrayal as his aunt had. He was falling in love with an Atwood, and he couldn’t give Ryan up, he just couldn’t. The thought of not being able to hold him again, kiss him again, touch him again, rub his naked body against his again, it was like a physical ache. He couldn’t do that. He couldn’t give him up just like that.

And then his mother walked through the front door. She looked weak, fragile, and not at all like the strong woman he knew. She was dressed in a crumpled version of yesterdays clothes, her hair hanging limply, her usually vibrant eyes were dull and red-rimmed. And when she reached for Seth, when she enveloped him in a hug and started shuddering as the tears came; when she lightly kissed the bruises on his face and head, Seth felt his heart break and shatter into a million pieces. Because his mother was fragile. She was broken and she was scared and she had to try so hard to put herself back together. And as her son, Seth had to do whatever it took to help her get there.

And when he realized just what it was that he had to do to help her, his heart took whatever shards were left, and shattered them all over again.

He knew what he had to do. What he had to do for the good of his family.

***

As he approached their usual lifeguard tower, Seth could see Ryan already sitting there waiting for him. With a heavy heart, he slowly made his way towards him. He had been dreading this moment since he understood that this was the sacrifice he had to make for his mother’s health. He hadn’t slept all night, tossing and turning made more difficult with his arm in a plaster cast. He’d walked through school like a zombie, hardly noticing the curious looks his bruises and broken wrist elicited.

“Seth,” Ryan called, seemingly relieved to see him. Seth carefully removed his bag from his shoulder before dropping it on the decking next to his feet. Ryan reached out to him, his thumbs lightly grazing the bruising on his face. “God, Seth. It looks worse than it did at the hospital. Are you sure you’re okay?”

Seth nodded, unable to keep the sad look from his face. “No fractures, and now that the swelling’s started to go down it feels heaps better.”

Ryan leaned in and captured Seth’s lips in a kiss. “You’ll never believe how hard it is to not be able to be near you when I know you’re hurt,” he murmured, kissing up his neck to his ear lobe.

“Ryan, wait,” Seth interrupted, pulling away from him and dropping down to sit on the deck. “We need to talk.”

“Nothing good had ever come from that saying.” Ryan said warily, sliding down to sit next to Seth.

Looking out towards the horizon, Seth tried to collect his thoughts. Ryan grabbed his right hand with his left, caressing his knuckles with his thumb.

“You’re, like, the best thing that has ever happened to me. Like ever,” Seth began.

“Oh fuck,” Ryan sighed, and Seth could see realization hit his face. “No, Seth. Don’t do this. You don’t mean this.”

Seth ignored the single tear that ran down his own cheek, and he pictured his mother’s red-rimmed eyes and wilted posture to give him the willpower to continue. “I want to be with you Ryan, really I do. More than anything,”

“Then don’t do this.” Ryan said, almost pleading.

Seth shook his head sadly. “There’s family stuff, Ryan. Like, huge family stuff, and I don’t think I can be with…”

“There’s always been family stuff. There’s been family stuff since before we started this.” Ryan grabbed Seth’s face and dropped a light kiss on his bruised cheekbone. “You told me you didn’t blame me for you getting injured.”

“I didn’t, I don’t. There’s just, family stuff.” Seth sighed.

“So you’re breaking up with me? Just like that?” Ryan asked. 

“Just… just for now.”

“Just for now?” Ryan raised his voice, suddenly angry. “What, I just sit around and wait for your family stuff to disappear?”

“Maybe just until college?” Seth suggested weakly.

“Four months?” Ryan asked incredulously, and Seth couldn’t look him in the eye, because he knew that he couldn’t promise anything while his Mom was like she was. Ryan took a deep breath and appeared to calm a little. “Are you even going to tell me why we can’t be together anymore?”

Seth looked back towards the horizon and shook his head. “I can’t. Not right now.”

Ryan nodded before standing and picking up his school bag. “Then I can’t sit around and wait for you, Seth. It’s not fair to me.”

Seth lifted himself off the ground so he could face him. “I know. I’m sorry, Ryan. I really am.”

“So am I.” Ryan said sadly.

Feeling desperate, not wanting to say goodbye yet, Seth leaned in and captured Ryan’s lips with his own one last time. Closing his eyes to block the outside world out, he concentrated on the feel of Ryan’s mouth pressed against his own, the sweep of his tongue against the seam of his lips. Seth opened his mouth as wide as he could with his injured cheekbone so his tongue could meet with Ryan’s, memorizing every detail, every feeling, every emotion Ryan’s kiss gave him.

He couldn’t help the whimper when Ryan pulled away. “Goodbye, Seth,” he said softly before descending down the ramp. Seth watched him walk away until he was a nothing but a speck on the horizon, Ryan hadn’t looked back at all. Only once Ryan was out of sight did the first sob wrack Seth’s body, and he collapsed back onto the decking and just let the tears fall.

 

**REASON IS TREASON – PART TWELVE**

 

“Please, Ryan. I’m really sorry.” The tone of Seth’s voice had a begging quality to it, and Ryan couldn’t help but feel his resolve melt against the pleading look in those deep dark eyes.

“It’s not that easy, Seth,” Ryan told him. “You can’t just break up with me without telling me why and then expect me to take you back like that.”

“I know, and I know I have to regain your trust again. It’s just… I miss you, you know?” The puppy-dog eyes were in full force.

Unconsciously, Ryan took a step toward his ex-boyfriend and ran a hand through his hair. Because, damn it, he missed him too. So much.

“I’m going to need time,” Ryan told him, and Seth nodded his head with regretful understanding. Then Ryan lowered his face towards his so that their cheeks brushed, a faint hint of stubble against stubble which really shouldn’t turn him on as much as it did. “But right now, I really need for you to kiss me.”

Seth smirked before pressing his lips against Ryan’s, and Ryan felt the tension from the past few days lift from his shoulders as his tongue reunited with his lover’s. He couldn’t help but thrust a little as Seth snaked his hand down to grip him through his jeans.

“I need to do more than just kiss you,” Seth breathed before dropping to his knees. Ryan closed his eyes as the back of his head hit the wall behind him, concentrating on the feeling of having Seth touching him again.

Suddenly, the high-pitched sound of a truck reversing pierced his brain, and when he opened his eyes again he was in his bed, all alone.

With a groan, he reached over and turned his alarm off, cursing his subconscious for screening yet another soft-porn starring Seth Cohen. It had been three days since Seth had broken up with him and still he felt no better than Monday night when it had happened. It didn’t help that every night he dreamed about Seth coming back to him, begging for forgiveness.

Kicking the comforter away from his body, Ryan rolled out of bed to run through his morning routine. Routine was all that had him functioning over the past few days; get up, jump in the shower, jerk off without thinking about Seth’s mouth or whatever he had been doing to him in the dream (so far unsuccessfully), get dressed, have coffee, walk out the door to school listening to Guns N’ Roses Use Your Illusion I that Seth had put on the iPod that he gave him for his birthday, because Don’t Cry and November Rain summed up his mood perfectly.

School was a bit of a blur, attempting to pay attention in class when really all he did was think about Seth. Lunchtime found him able to get rid of some aggression with an impromptu game of soccer. But then it was back to class, and back to thinking about Seth and how unfair the whole situation was. His fingers ached to run through those soft brown curls, to run his hands down the sides of Seth’s body, pulling him closer as he kissed him deeper. And it wasn’t just the physical side that Ryan missed. He missed listening to him as he spoke at a million miles an hour, missed hearing about his day and seeing the latest pages in his graphic novel.

When the bell finally sounded at the end of the day, Ryan didn’t even ruminate on the fact that this was the final Friday of his high-school career, that on the next Friday he would graduate. He shrugged off several invitations to go to the movies or attend a party. As much as Ryan would have liked the distraction of his friends and alcohol, he was worried that with his current state of mind – which switched between depression and anger at the drop of a hat – all anyone would have to do is look at him funny for his fists to start flying. And he tried so hard to separate himself from the violence his brother showed.

Heartbreak fucking sucked.

He’d been through the emotions. On Monday night he had been upset, and if anyone had noticed his bloodshot eyes the next day, they didn’t say anything. Then he got angry, angry at Trey for knocking Seth out. Angry at Seth for making him believe their relationship was secure. How could he just break up with him like that? After everything they’d been through, everything they’d done. After Seth had promised him at the hospital that they were okay, that he didn’t blame Ryan for his injuries… And now today, well, Ryan was resigned to the fact that he’d lost the only person he’d ever felt like that about.

After walking the long way home, Ryan returned to his house to find it blissfully empty. There was a note in his Mom’s scratchy handwriting telling him that she and his Dad were going out with Rick and Stacey from the office and to not wait up for them. Like he would anyway. They weren’t going to make the effort to come to his graduation next week, why should he wait up to make sure they got home? Trey texted him five minutes later, telling him to put on his best suit because Pete snared invitations to some rich dude’s engagement party. Ryan remembered what had happened last time they had crashed a society party and how it had lead to his current situation. Pussy was the only response he was given when he declined the invite.

A few hours later, a knock at the door interrupted his frozen pizza-for-one and Die Hard marathon.

“Dom,” Ryan said simply, looking his cousin up and down before stepping aside to let him in. “Nice suit.”

“Thanks, I try.” Dom said, twirling to show it off from all angles.

“Did you need something?” Ryan asked, sitting back down on the couch with his pizza.

“Yeah, I need you to get your ass in a suit and come with us. Trey said you were staying home?”

Ryan didn’t take his eyes off the television. “He was right.”

“Come on, Ryan. You always come with us to these things.”

“Not today I’m not.” Ryan told him, not offering any explanation.

“You got your boy coming over?” Dom asked, a territorial edge to his voice, and Ryan knew he thought he was ditching them for Seth.

“He’s not my boy.”

“Huh? You jerk each other off and are joined at the tongue. He’s your boy.”

“Well we’re not together anymore,” he said clinically.

“Oh,” Dom said, surprised. “Is that why you’ve been ignoring my messages lately?”

Ryan shrugged and glanced at the clock, calculating how much longer he would have to put up with the questions. Dom would have to go to the party soon, and Ryan was much happier brooding on his own.

“Trey thinks you’re avoiding him,” Dom told him. “Are you?”

He paused before answering, feeling the residual anger start to creep up his spine and color his cheeks. “Well if it wasn’t for Trey maybe Seth and I would still be okay right now.” Ryan said bitterly, rising from the couch and heading to the kitchen with his dishes. Dom got up to follow him.

“Is this about the fight last weekend? I thought you said Seth was okay?” Dom questioned.

“I thought he was. He told me he was. But apparently he has sort of family shit going on that means we can’t be together anymore.”

“But you’ve always had family shit going on. Even before you started this.” Dom argued, watching Ryan bang things around the kitchen.

“And everything was fine until fucking Trey,” Ryan paused to try and curb the raise in his voice. He gritted his teeth as he felt anger towards his brother rise before dissipating just as quickly. “Until Trey knocked him out and put him in hospital.”

“So you think that’s why you broke up?”

Ryan sighed and took a deep breath, ceasing his work in the kitchen and slumping against the counter. “All I know is on Saturday night everything was fine, and by Monday it wasn’t.”

Dom paused while he thought about it. “Well, I guess it’s probably for the best anyway.”

Ryan shot him a look that Seth had named The Glare Of Doom and Dom visibly recoiled. “I mean, someone besides me was bound to find out eventually, then what would you do?” He asked. “Besides, it’s not like you were in love with him or anything.”

The silence in the room was thick.

“Oh fuck, Ryan,” Dom whispered.

All Ryan could do was shrug his shoulders, because that was the conclusion he had come to after three nights of interrupted sleep and endless brooding. Over the previous few weeks he had felt his feelings for Seth deepen, especially since their weekend away in Santa Monica. And when Trey’s fist connected with his face; when Seth fell to the ground…

“Well it doesn’t matter now anyway.” Ryan interrupted his own thought process before he remembered how scared he was that Seth wouldn’t be okay that day.

“How far had things actually gotten between you two?” Dom asked, curious.

“You really want to know the details?” Ryan arched his eyebrow. Dom just shrugged. “Far enough.”

Dom didn’t pry further. “Have you spoken to him since?”

Ryan shook his head in response. “I just can’t help but think, you know, if I had’ve told him how I felt. Maybe he wouldn’t have…”

“You’re really cut up about this aren’t you?” Dom paused. “I mean, I knew I joked about Romeo and Juliet and shit, but you were really serious about him.”

“You really thought I wasn’t?” Ryan asked, hating the use of past tense. “Well at least you don’t have to worry about being Mercutio anymore.”

“Yeah, I guess. Are you going to be okay?”

“It will just be one less person at graduation, no big deal.”

Dom nodded his head and examined his shoes. “So I can’t talk you into coming tonight?”

“Seriously Dom, if Trey does one more thing to piss me off they’ll be prying my fingers from his throat.”

“Well tomorrow then, Max and I are going to the movies. Come with us.”

Ryan smiled gratefully. At least Dom was trying. “Can I get back to you about that?”

“Sure,” Dom told him, pushing himself off the counter and heading towards the door. “I have to go pick up Trey and Pete. Just don’t overdose on Bruce Willis, okay?”

A small smile pulled at the edge of Ryan’s mouth. “I’ll restrain myself.”

Girls had ice cream to help them get over a relationship. Ryan had stylized violence and a six-pack of beer.

***

“Se-eth, let me in!”

Seth burrowed further under the covers to block out his cousin’s screeching. His Saturdays used to have a routine; get up, watch his boyfriend play soccer, make out with said boyfriend, take him to work – and variations thereof.

Today, his solid routine was altered to this; sleep until noon (Seth liked to sleep when he was upset or stressed), get dragged out of bed by mother, shower, push leftover Thai around the plate instead of eating it for lunch, go back to bed.

“I swear to God, Seth, you don’t let me in I’ll tell your parents why you’ve become a hermit, and don’t you even think that it’s an empty threat…”

“Okay, okay.” Seth muttered as he stumbled out of bed and unlocked his door. “Geez, Summer. Let a guy wallow in peace.”

“It smells like stale boy in here, Seth.” Summer screwed up her nose and cracked a window open. “And is that Death Cab?”

“Just their most depressing songs.” Seth informed her as _What Sarah Said_ played in the background.

“So,” Summer started, perching herself on Seth’s bed. “Do you want to tell me what’s going on? Your Mom thinks you’ve developed agoraphobia since you got knocked out last weekend.”

“What? I’ve been to school every day since.”

“I know, but parents don’t tend to be rational after their only child has been hospitalized. So spill, what’s he done?”

“What’s who done?” Seth was confused.

Summer rolled her eyes. “Ryan, of course. Come on, I know heartbreak when I see it.”

“He hasn’t done anything,” Seth mumbled, picking at a loose thread on his sheets. “I broke up with him.”

“What?” Summer exclaimed. “But I thought you were pathetically in love with him?”

“I was pathetically in love with him,” Seth told her before correcting himself. “I am pathetically in love with him, but, there’s just…”

“Your Mom?” Summer asked sympathetically. Seth forgot she could be surprisingly perceptive when she wasn’t being a shallow bitch. “Oh, Seth.”

Her genuine sympathy only made him feel worse. “It’s awful Summer. All I do is lie around and think about him. How much I miss him, how much he must hate me.”

“Why would he do that?”

“Because I promised him that everything was okay,” Seth murmured, fingering the cuff that was still tied around his right wrist. “And then I broke up with him.”

“Seth,” Summer reached her hand over and rubbed up and down his bicep. “I’m sure he understands.”

“But he doesn’t, Summer,” Seth said desperately. “I couldn’t tell him anything except that there’s family stuff going on. You should have seen the look on his face. He was so hurt.”

“You really do care about him, don’t you?”

Seth nodded in response. “I miss him, like, heaps.” He paused, remembering what it was like to kiss him, feel his hands through his hair, his own hands on his ass, pulling him closer. “Oh, Summer. What have I done?”

“Shh, Seth,” Summer soothed. “You’ve done the right thing.”

“Then why does it feel like I’ve done the worst thing ever?” he asked before diving back under his comforter before Summer could see the tears stinging his eyes.

“Because you’ve had to give something up. But now you’re going to be safe and your Mom is really trying to get better and things will look up. You’ll see.” Summer coaxed. “This is for the best.”

“It’s really not,” he muttered under the covers.

Summer breathed an audible sigh. “Come on, Cohen. It’s depressing to see you look this pathetic. Why don’t you come to the movies tonight with Zach, Kristy and me?”

“Really? You want to be seen in public with me?” Seth peeled back the covers to face her.

Summer rolled her eyes again. “Well, dressed in something other than your PJ’s of course.”

“I don’t know…”

“Come on, we’re going to see the latest Adam Sandler. It will take your mind off all of this.”

“If I say yes will you let me get in another good hour of wallowing?”

Summer looked at her watch. “Forty-five.”

“Okay then. Can you switch the music on again on your way out?” Seth asked, heading back under the comforter as Death Cab sung about needing you so much closer.

***

The theater complex was way busier than Seth was used to after his week of solitude, and he felt damned conspicuous in the sling that his mother insisted he wear, even though he was less than a week away from getting his cast off.

“I mean, it’s just weird to think that this is it. That this is the last week of our childhood, really.” Zach continued as Seth tried to tune into what he was talking about. Ah yes, graduation.

“I’m looking forward to getting out of here though, going to college and stuff.” Seth said, attempting to join in the conversation while the girls got their movie tickets. He liked Zach, he did. He was a jock, but he liked comic books and superhero movies and had always been nice to Seth.

“Yeah, Berkeley, right?” Seth nodded. “I got into Brown.”

“Do you want to swap families?” Seth asked. That would really solve all of his problems right now. “My Dad is dying to have a son that goes to Brown.”

“Only if you’re prepared to study politics,” Zach told him. “My Dad doesn’t care where I go, as long as that’s my major.”

“Sucks to be you.” Seth said, laughing for the first time in a week.

“Shut-up,” Zach replied with a smirk, hip-checking Seth so he stumbled a little.

“Asshole,” Seth said in good humor, and lightly punched his upper arm.

He looked around, trying to spot Summer and Kristy to see how far they had progressed in the ticket queue. His eyes fell onto a familiar figure – with soft brown curly hair and an irritated look on his face.

“I’m just going to say hello to Dean,” Zach interrupted Seth’s staring match with Dom. “Are you right to wait here for the girls?”

“Sure,” Seth nodded, watching Dom as he started to walk towards him.

“It didn’t take you long.” Dom said through gritted teeth.

“What didn’t take who long?” Seth was confused. Dom was much nicer than this last time, but then again, he hadn’t just dumped his cousin.

“You and Ryan have been broken up for five minutes, and already you’ve moved on?”

“What do you mean? Zach?” Seth said as if it was the most ridiculous insinuation in the world. “Please, he’s barely even a friend.”

“Whatever,” Dom said and started to move away, but Seth grabbed at his arm.

“Wait, Dom,” he started. “Seriously, he’s just a guy from school. That’s all.”

“You know he’s too upset to even come here tonight?” Dom didn’t need to mention that he was talking about Ryan. “You promised me that you wouldn’t hurt him.”

“I’m sorry.” Seth said meekly, his slightly more positive mood waning. “I really didn’t want to, it’s just that…”

“Family stuff. I know, Ryan told me,” he mentioned like he didn’t buy any of it.

But Seth was desperate enough to grab onto any news about Ryan. “So, he talks about me still?”

Dom shook his head like this was the last conversation he wanted to be having. “You may be able to just switch off your feelings, but he can’t.”

“You think I’m not hurting? You think I wanted to break up with him?” Seth was starting to raise his voice. “God, Dom. I think about him every second of every day.” And he did. He felt like he couldn’t breathe without him.

“Then why did you end things?”

“It’s complicated,” Seth offered. “Family…”

“Family stuff, whatever,” Dom parroted.

Seth hung his head and stared at his Chuck Taylors. “I miss him, you know?”

Dom regarded Seth closely, like he was trying to read him. “Maybe I’m not the person you need to tell that to.”

“I can’t. He probably hates me right now.”

“If only,” Seth thought he head Dom say under his breath. “Look, Seth, he cares about you, okay. And I just want to see him happy, so just sort out whatever shit you have to so you can be there for him again.”

“I don’t know that it’s that easy,” Seth mentioned, but Dom held his hand up like he didn’t want to hear it.

“He has way too many people in his life that let him down. Don’t be another one.” Dom took a deep breath. “There’s one event next week that he will want you to be at. Do us all a favor and be there, okay?”

 _Graduation_ , Seth thought to himself. It was on the same day as his own, and even though he would miss the start of it, he could probably be there for the majority. “What if he doesn’t want me there?”

“If you care about him as much as you say you do…” Dom insinuated before one of his friends dragged him away.

***

_So I saw an Adam Sandler film tonight that was actually kinda funny._

Ryan stared at the message for ages, his thumb hovering over the reply button as he debated whether to answer Seth’s message. When his phone had beeped earlier, he had instinctually known who it was, and residual anger flooded him again. How was he meant to try and get over Seth if he kept contacting him? Ryan was still too far gone for being friends at this stage.

_I miss you._

That message came through about an hour after the first, and that was when Ryan turned his phone off. Because, what the fuck? What was Seth trying to do? Keep stringing him along until whatever family crisis he was having was over? Or until he realized that being with Ryan was more trouble than it was worth? It wasn’t right and it wasn’t fair, and he wanted Seth back in his life so badly it hurt. But he had to protect himself.

The next morning when he turned his phone back on he had another two messages; _I miss your good morning messages, before you’ve had coffee and you can’t write anything more than ‘gd mrn’_ ; and, _I really do miss you_. This time, Ryan hit reply and hastily typed out _Just stop it Seth. Please_ and hit send before he lost his nerve.

It hurt too much.

***

Two and a half more days. Just two and a half more days of going through the motions before Seth could officially become a hermit. Well, apart from his summer job, of course. But yeah, only two more whole days of school left, then one morning for graduation. And then sweet, blissful solitude.

He didn’t know what possessed him to send messages to Ryan, he obviously had a healthy masochistic streak. So that, as well as being buoyed on by Dom suggesting that maybe he tell Ryan that he missed him. And wasn’t that a great suggestion? It only ended in the crushing of any hope Seth had that Ryan would take him back once everything was sorted out, and Radiohead’s ‘High and Dry’ playing on repeat on his iPod.

For now, he was stuck in a car with his parents, because even though he didn’t graduate until Friday, his parents were heading to Napa for the weekend and the celebratory dinner would be a short one. This was their way of making it up to him. A surprise dinner out. What joy.

Seth didn’t realize that they were driving a very familiar line until they had pulled into the parking lot of _The Crab Shack_ , and that was when his heart rate tripled. Seriously, had he kicked puppies in a past life or something? Because this was just cruel. Stricken, he caught his Dad’s reflection in the rear view mirror and questioned, “Here? Really?”

His Mom turned in her seat and reached a hand out to grip his knee. “We thought we’d come full circle. You always loved going here when you were younger.”

“I don’t think we’ve been here together since I turned twelve,” Seth mentioned sullenly before catching his father’s pleading expression in the mirror. Trying something resembling enthusiasm, he added, “But, hey, what a trip down memory lane it will be!”

Kirsten grinned and went to get out of the car when her cell phone rang. Looking at the display, she turned to Sandy. “It’s my Dad, I better take it.”

“Come on, Seth,” Sandy instructed. “We’ll go and get a table.”

As Seth climbed out of the passenger side he mentally reminded himself of Ryan’s schedule. Although he worked the occasional Thursday night, his shifts generally were Friday nights and weekends. So he should be safe.

“I know this is probably the last thing you want to be doing on your last week of school,” Sandy started, falling into step next to him. “But it means a lot to your mother. She’s noticed how sad you’ve been lately, we both have. She feels partly to blame for it, so she’s trying to make it up to you; take you to your favorite childhood restaurant.”

“I know,” Seth nodded. “I’ll show more enthusiasm once we’re inside. I promise.”

“Thanks, son. I know it’s tough right now, but she’s really trying hard. We need to support her as best we can.”

They stepped inside and were seated by a bubbly girl with dark hair and green eyes who definitely wasn’t Ryan, and Seth felt both a sense of relief and disappointment. It had been more than a week since he’d last seen him and he craved to be close to him again. Even if it was just being in the same building as each other, he’d take it. Sandy ordered drinks for them and they perused the menu until Kirsten walked in.

“Sorry about that, boys,” she apologized as she took her seat.

“Everything okay?” Sandy enquired.

“It’s fine,” Kirsten dismissed, and Seth knew that was code for _we’ll talk about it later_. And while that usually annoyed him, right now Seth was grateful to be left out of something. “So, what are you boys having?”

“I like the look of the prawns…” Seth trailed off as a figure walking out of the kitchen caught his eye. His throat immediately went dry and he licked his lips to try and bring some moisture back.

Because, just as he’d feared, just as he’d hoped, Ryan was working tonight. And man, did he look just as good as ever. His muscled arms were flexed with the weight of the plates he was carrying, and the way his butt looked in those pants was almost criminal. Seth couldn’t help but flash red at the memory of running his hands over that soft flesh, pulling him closer and grinding against him. And if he didn’t stop that line of thinking right now he was going to get a boner at the table. In front of his parents. He was about to turn away, about to rejoin the conversation about the menu with his parents when Ryan’s eyes caught his.

Oh fuck. He could see the flash of recognition in Ryan’s gaze changing to a cold and aloof stare before he quickly looked away.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is what you call the final nail in the coffin; the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back. Because it was one thing to send your ex text messages, but to show up at his place of work is not on. It was way too soon for this to seem anything but forced, and if Ryan thought the messaging was too much then what would he be thinking now?

“Is everything okay, Seth?” Kirsten asked, a look of concern on her face.

“Huh? Oh yeah, everything’s fine,” Seth told her, trying to keep his promise to his father. “So, I hear the scallops are good.”

They talked as the waitress returned to take their orders. They spoke about Seth’s upcoming graduation, about the fact that he could get his plaster cast removed on Thursday, about his summer job at the comic book store.

Suddenly, another waitress came out of nowhere and interrupted them. “Oh, thank goodness, Seth. It is you.”

Seth immediately recognized her as Nina. He had met her a few times when he had come to pick up Ryan from work. Ryan had described her as a great shift manager; punctual, fair, and unable to take shit from anyone. Seth was a little scared of her.

“Hey, Nina. Is everything okay?” Then gesturing at his curious looking parents, he said, “uh, Mom, Dad, this is Nina. The sister of a friend at school.”

Nina looked confused for a second before realizing that she had to play along. “Yes, that’s right. And I need your advice on something. You don’t mind if I steal him for five minutes, do you?”

Seth shrugged his shoulders at his perplexed parents as she pulled him up and pushed him towards the kitchen and through the swinging doors.

“What’s up?” Seth asked as he was being shunted along. He’d never been into the kitchen before. This was usually his ‘no-go’ zone.

“Ryan’s had something up his butt for a week now but he refuses to talk about it. Quite frankly, it’s becoming unpleasant. You’re his friend, you sort it out with him.” She told him, and before he realized what was happening he was being pushed through another door which led to the outside.

Outside, where cigarette smoke was curling around fingers that knew his body so well.

“Hey,” Seth started meekly. He was still dealing with the shock of being shoved out the door for a confrontation he wasn’t expecting quite yet. He couldn’t deny that being in such close proximity to Ryan was stirring things in his body. A mix of need and want and despair and hope.

“What are you doing here?” Ryan asked, an edge of steel to his voice.

“Nina pushed me out here. Apparently you’re being a moody ass.” Seth tried for light, even though he knew it would fail miserably.

“No, what are you doing _here_? This is where I work.”

Oh, that little detail that Seth knew was going to be a big deal to Ryan. “I know. I’m sorry. I swear I didn’t know we were coming here. Mom wanted to surprise me, and seeing as how this was my favorite restaurant ten years ago…”

“You broke up with me, Seth. You can’t come here. You can’t send me messages. How am I meant to get over you if you won’t leave me alone?” Ryan asked.

“Maybe I don’t want you to get over me.” Seth mumbled under his breath.

The next thing he knew, Seth was being pushed against the wall. A move that sent him right back to the first time they had kissed, although this time around it was with more venom than passion.

“That’s not fair, Seth.” Ryan muttered through gritted teeth, his fingers curled around the lapels of his jacket.

“I get that you’re still angry, man, I do. But it’s the truth.”

Ryan let go and stepped away from him and Seth released the breath he didn’t realize he was holding. His mind swirled with how close Ryan had been to him, how he could detect his scent underneath the smell of kitchen and nicotine. His lips tingled he wanted to kiss him so badly.

“I don’t know what I am anymore,” Ryan sighed, resigned. “I don’t know what to think, what to feel.”

“I still want you,” Seth murmured, because he wanted him to know that he still needed him. Reaching out his good hand, he pulled Ryan back closer to him like he was only moments before. He could feel him resist the tug before he gave in and leaned slightly against Seth.

“Then why?” Ryan asked simply. Seth could feel his sharp intake of breath as he traced Ryan’s cheek with the back of his hand, and he knew that he was affected as himself.

He closed his eyes as his fingertips drifted along Ryan’s jaw. It was too much. Being so close to him while things were so wrong between them. And if he’d never admitted it to himself before, Seth knew, in this moment, that he was in love with this man. So in love with him. He wanted nothing more than to close the gap so there was nothing between them, feel his body pressed against him, his lips upon his own. He couldn’t let him keep hurting like this. Not without knowing why.

“It’s, uh,” Seth took a breath, trying to regulate the beating of his heart. He wasn’t sure if it was due to Ryan being in such close proximity when only minutes ago he thought he never would be this close to him again, or the fact that he was about to give away a family secret to the enemy. “It’s my Mom. She’s sick.”

“What’s wrong? Is she okay?” Ryan’s blue eyes turned from confused to concerned.

“Yeah, I mean, it’s nothing terminal,” he paused. “She’s an alcoholic.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah. She hasn’t been too good lately. Things are happening outside of her control, and when they go wrong she finds the nearest bottle of vodka.”

“Things like…” Ryan insinuated without voicing the words.

“Like me being hospitalized at the hands of an Atwood?” Seth finished for him. “Pretty much. And there’s other stuff too. More stuff than I realized. And while she’s so fragile and while there’s so much going on…”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“It’s bad enough we’re sleeping together. In my family, giving an Atwood information like would be akin to treason.” Seth informed him.

“So why are you telling me now?”

“Because you’re right. You deserve to know.” Seth looked down at his shoes before meeting Ryan’s eyes again. “I wanted you to know that this is hurting me too. That I miss you.”

“I don’t know what you expect from me.” Ryan sighed, dropping his head against Seth’s shoulder.

“I guess, for now, I’d really like us to at least stay friends. I mean, I can’t do the sneaking around thing right now, but I’d like to message you. Maybe even call you occasionally.” Seth paused. “I get that it’s not fair to ask you to wait around for me, so I’m not going to ask you to do that. But I like having you in my life. I like talking to you. I like hearing about your day.”

Ryan raised his head to look Seth in the eye for seconds that felt like hours before he responded. “I’m going to need some time to think about this.”

Seth nodded and attempted to hide the disappointment in his voice when he told him to take all the time he needed. “I’ll still be here.”

They stood and stared each other for a few minutes, neither wanting to break the connection. Finally, Ryan spoke. “My break’s over. I should, uh, get back to work,” he said stepping away from him. “But thanks. For telling me. For trusting me.”

Seth smiled meekly, and Ryan gripped onto his forearm and caressed his hand, stumbling on the cuff around his wrist.

“You’re still wearing that?” he asked curiously.

“It makes me feel safe,” Seth softly informed him. “Did you want it back?”

“Nah,” Ryan shook his head. “I’ll get it from you another time.”

A surge of hope flowed through Seth’s veins, and he couldn’t help but smile. He took that feeling with him as he ate dinner with his parents, a slight smile on Ryan’s lips when their eyes caught across the restaurant. He carried that feeling onto school the next day, and the day after, when he got to have his cast taken off.

It took all of his willpower to do as Ryan wished and not get in touch with him until he was ready. Because Seth said he could wait, and he would if that meant that there was a chance that they could at least be in contact again.

And on Friday morning, the day of his graduation, when his phone beeped with the message _gd mrn, gd luck 4 2day_ , Seth knew that maybe, just maybe, Ryan was ready to be in his life again.

He couldn’t hide the grin.

 

**REASON IS TREASON – CHAPTER THIRTEEN**

The problem with being a Cohen, Seth lamented, was that he was the twenty-fifth person to ascend the stairs to the podium to receive his high school diploma, shake the hand of his principal and move his tassel to the other side of his mortar board to the cheers of his parents. So now that meant that he had to sit through another one hundred and twenty two people participating in the same ritual before he can even think of trying to sneak off to Newport Union. If he was a Nichol he could at least be in the middle of the pack, and not sitting, bouncing his knee and waiting. He was so sick of waiting.

He’d sat through the principal’s welcome, Taylor Townsend’s self-indulgent valedictorian speech – and seriously, why don’t they have a band to cut these people off like they do at the Oscars?

Seth couldn’t help feeling distracted, especially after the surge of hope he’d felt after receiving that text message from Ryan earlier in the day. It had caused butterflies to congregate in his stomach and flutter up his chest. He still wasn’t sure how he could be near Ryan and not touch him, not snake his hand behind his neck and pull him into a kiss, but he would try. Because Ryan had made it clear that if they couldn’t be together for real, then friends was the best they could do.

He snapped back to attention when they called Summer Roberts up to the podium to collect her diploma, and Seth let out a whoop in support. If there had been one thing that had surprised him over the past few months; well, one other thing that had surprised him; it was how much closer he and Summer had become. Sure, they still weren’t the bestest of friends and probably never would be. But he was pleasantly surprised by her concern. Firstly her worry that Ryan was using him, then allowing him to sit with her at the movies when Ryan’s brother unexpectedly crashed their date, then sitting with him at he hospital when he broke his arm, and last week when she extended the hand of friendship in the midst of his heartbreak. Sure, she wasn’t overly supportive of his former relationship with Ryan, but he couldn’t really hold that against her.

Finally, fucking finally, Briony Zwaggerman was called up to receive her diploma, and the Class of 2006 stood in unison to toss their mortar boards into the air.

After all the clapping and cheering and wolf-whistling, Seth played the good friend and hung back to give Penny from his English Literature class a big hug before she departed to Paris where she would be studying for a year. Then a quick handshake and pat on the back to Tom and Brendan from the Comic Book Club, both of whom he would be seeing at Berkeley in the fall.

He eventually caught the eye of his mother, who motioned for him to join them. She reached over and gave Seth a big hug, and Seth closed his eyes and took a moment to appreciate the warmth and love coming from her, knowing that Ryan’s parents wouldn’t even be attending his graduation.

“We’re so proud of you, honey.” Kirsten whispered before letting go.

“Our little boy is all grown up.” Sandy said proudly, pulling his son toward him and slapping him on the back.

“Thanks for being here. And for, you know, everything.” Seth said sincerely.

A big smile burst across Kirsten’s face and she hugged him to her again. “Mom, Mom. We’re in public, remember the rules?”

Kirsten laughed as she let go of him, and it was like music to Seth’s ears. It felt like it had been a lifetime since he had heard her laugh. “Sorry, only one hug in public, and only on very special occasions. I must have forgotten.”

“How am I supposed to keep up my cool rebellious reputation if my Mom is hugging me in public?” Seth mused, and Kirsten looked at her watch.

“Sorry to have to skip out so quickly, but we have a meeting with some lawyers back at the office in half an hour, then your father and I need to pack for the weekend.” She apologized.

“No, that’s cool.” Seth tried to take some of the enthusiasm out of his voice. “I’ll just hang here for a while and say goodbye to people, if that’s okay with you?”

“Sure, we’ll meet you at the Yacht Club for dinner with the Roberts’ at five o’clock, okay?”

Seth nodded his head and waited impatiently for his parents to head out of his sight to the parking lot, and as soon as he could no longer see them he ripped off his gown and headed toward his locker to grab his bag. By his calculations, Ryan’s graduation ceremony should only have been going for an hour. If he hurried, he might be there in time to see him get his diploma.

“Seth, wait,” he heard someone call out to him as he exited his high school building for the final time, without even a hint of nostalgia or sadness that his high school days were over. Spinning on his heel, he saw it was Summer. “There’s a group of us going to get ice cream, did you want to come?”

“Thanks for the invite Summer, but your friends and me don’t exactly get along.” Seth reminded her, eager to finish the conversation so he could get out of there.

“But Zach’s going to be there. And Kristy, and you guys all got along fine last weekend at the movies,” she reminded him.

“Thanks Summer, but I might have to take a pass on that one,” he told her, and tried not to redden as her gaze lingered up and down his body, taking note of the bag slung over his shoulder and the keys in his hand.

“Going somewhere, Seth?” she asked curiously.

“Uh, maybe.” He sucked at being evasive sometimes.

“What else could you have on tod…oh,” she muttered as realization sunk in, the expression on her face morphing into one of disappointment and concern. “I thought you said it was over?”

Seth sighed and realized that he wasn’t going to be able to put this past her. “It is over. But he still means a lot to me, and he’s graduating pretty much now, and I want to be there, you know?”

Summer still looked disappointed, but didn’t try to stop him. “Okay, sure. You’ll be at dinner tonight though, five o’clock?”

“At the Yacht Club, yeah, my Mom’s tattooed that to my brain. I’ll be there.” He glanced at his watch. It was so nice to have it back on his left wrist now that the cast was off. “But for now, I’ve really got to go.”

“Just, Seth,” Summer called after him. “Be careful.”

He turned and flashed her a grateful smile. “I will.”

***

By the time Seth made it to Newport Union, he could see the line of students walking up the steps in their dark blue gowns accepting their diplomas. He cursed Summer for holding him up, Taylor Townsend and her valedictorian speech which refused to end, and the hoards of parents at this graduation who forced him to park his car six miles from the venue. Okay, so that’s a slight exaggeration, but Seth broke an actual sweat walking there, and that’s not something he took lightly.

Standing at the back of the outdoor auditorium, Seth listened as the student’s names were called, hoping against hope that there were two hundred students whose surname began with “A” so he wouldn’t have missed Ryan. With hunched shoulders, he registered the words Lina Martin, and he breathed a disappointed sigh. He had really wanted to be able to catalogue the memory of Ryan’s moment.

There was some shuffling around where Seth was standing and suddenly Dom was next to him.

“You came,” he whispered, an almost surprised tone in his hushed voice.

“I wanted to support him.” Seth whispered back. “Are his family…”

“Just me,” Dom murmured. “You got here just in time though.”

“Just in time for what? I’ve missed him.” Seth pointed towards the stage.

“No you haven’t, just all the boring shit. They’re presenting the Diplomas in reverse alphabetical order.”

“What?” he questioned.

“I know, this school’s weird.”

Seth made a point of listening for the next name, and sure enough, it was Pauline Lang. He grinned wide and looked at Dom, whose matching grin contained none of the animosity he showed the weekend before at the movie theater.

After what felt like hours, Paul Avery was finally called to the stage, which meant Ryan wasn’t far behind. It was times like this that Seth was glad he went to a private school with half the number of students. He couldn’t imagine being able to sit still for the whole ceremony. But then Ryan’s name was called and he graced the stage, and Seth joined in with Dom cheering, wolf-whistling and shouting encouragement. He knew Ryan couldn’t hear them over the applause of hundreds of people, but he looked so happy up there in his cap and gown, like he’d just achieved a massive feat. And for Ryan, maybe it was just that. No one in his family had graduated high school in years, yet there he was clutching his diploma in one hand, with a scholarship to Berkeley on the horizon. Seth knew Ryan well enough to know that he was trying hard not to look as proud of himself as he felt, but Seth could detect it in the sparkle of his eyes, in his confident stance. He looked good up there, like he worked hard and deserved to be there. And the navy gown was a good color on Ryan, like, really good. It brought out the blonde flecks in his hair, and if he got closer he was sure his eyes would be bluer than ever.

Seth was still lost in thought when Dom nudged him. “Come on, it’s over.” He looked around and observed the parents on their feet, students milling around hugging each other and their families, much the same as it had been only a few hours before at Harbor.

“Did you know that he finished third in his class?” Dom questioned as they wound through the audience.

“It doesn’t surprise me,” Seth said truthfully. He knew how smart Ryan was; it was part of the attraction.

“I swear the only reason he didn’t finish top was because he didn’t want to have to make any speeches.”

Seth grinned at that observation. Ryan would rather have failed than make that speech in front of everyone.

They continued to wind their way through the crowd, and Seth couldn’t help but feel a bit stifled amongst all of the people. There were at least double the number of people than had congregated at Harbor earlier that day. Seth almost wanted to grab onto Dom’s sleeve just so he didn’t lose him, but that would be weird in a very creepy way. He was the cousin of his ex-boyfriend after all.

“Ryan, hey!” Dom called as they got closer. Seth watched Ryan excuse himself from whomever it was he was talking to and make his way towards them. “Congratulations, man. It’s about time we had a graduate in the family.”

Ryan grasped his hand in a shake, and Dom pulled him forward into a hug; a manly ‘slap your back a few times’ hug.

And that’s when Ryan seemed to notice Seth’s presence. His whole body appeared to go stiff, and he extracted himself from his cousin’s grasp to fully regard him.

Dom glanced between the two of them, obviously debating if he should stick around or not. “I’m, uh, just going to go and talk to Mike over there.” He decided, clapping Ryan on the shoulder as he walked past him in a show of solidarity.

“Hey, Seth.” Ryan smiled in what Seth could only determine to be a slightly shy way. “You came.”

“Is that okay?” Seth asked, suddenly nervous. “I mean, I promised you I would, and then this morning you sent the message and I thought that maybe that might mean that you wanted to give this whole friends thing a shot but tell me if I’ve just assumed too much again and if this is going to get awkward and…”

“Breathe Seth,” Ryan instructed, the smile remaining on his face, and he fanned his fingers out so that they discreetly brushed against Seth’s, giving them a quick squeeze. “I’m glad you’re here.”

“Good,” Seth breathed out a sigh of relief.

“So… how was your graduation?” Ryan asked.

“Huh? Oh, right, this morning, yeah.” Seth collected himself. “All good, boring, but exciting. I didn’t trip on my gown walking up the stairs.”

“So better than expected then?” Ryan smirked, and Seth melted right there. This was the Ryan from a few weeks before; his Ryan, the Ryan he could banter with.

“Oh, we’re back to picking on me and my klutzy tendencies?” Seth exclaimed in mock offense. “Be careful or else I won’t give you your present.”

And just as quickly the banter disappeared and the seriousness was back.

“You got me a present?” he asked, cocking an eyebrow.

Seth suddenly felt sheepish under his gaze. “Well, yeah. I mean…” he paused while he opened his messenger bag and pulled out a large, wrapped object. “Here. Congratulations, man.”

“You shouldn’t have,” Ryan protested, but fingered at the tape anyway.

“I wanted to.” He couldn’t decide if it was a look of gratitude or wariness in Ryan’s eyes as his fingers slid under the crease to lift the paper. Slowly, he revealed a large hardcover book.

“It’s the architecture book I was reading in Santa Monica.” Ryan said, somewhat in awe. “You remembered?”

“Of course, I had to practically drag you away from it.” Seth told him softly.

“You really shouldn’t have,” he continued, but his fingers immediately flipped the cover to look at the contents.

“You’ve worked hard, really hard. You deserve it.”

“It’s too expensive.”

“It’s nowhere near as expensive on Amazon,” Seth informed him. “I wanted to you to have it. I mean, if you’re going to be designing buildings like that you really should get to know them.”

Ryan looked up from the page and directly into Seth’s eyes. It was like drowning in the Pacific.

“Thank you.”

Their staring match was interrupted when somebody deliberately bumped into Ryan and started talking to him. “Ryan, man, you’re coming to my party tonight, right?”

Ryan flicked a quick sideways glance at Seth before answering. “Yeah, should be. You’re okay if I bring Dom though?”

“Dude, that goes without saying,” he turned to look at Seth then, and a spark of recognition hit him.

“Steve?”

“Seth? Seth Cohen? What the fuck are you doing here, man? I haven’t seen you in fucking years.” Compared to Seth, most guys were bigger than him, and Steve was no exception. He enveloped him in a hug, lifting him off the ground.

“Steve, buddy, crushing, need, oxygen, stop,” Seth squeezed out.

“Sorry, man.” He said, putting him down.

“You two know each other?” Ryan enquired, his gaze passing between the two of them with curiosity.

“I was at Harbor until three years ago when my Dad lost all of that money. Seth here was the reason I passed ninth grade.”

“Really?” Ryan asked skeptically. Seth knew that a guy like Steve was typically the type to pee in his shoes, and probably did until that fateful day that Seth caught him sobbing behind the gym. It was uncomfortable to say the least. That was where Seth usually went to let go of some of his emotions. Somewhat reluctantly, Seth made a joke to his own detriment in an attempt to make the moment as unawkward as possible, and Steve ended up spilling his guts, like it had been building within himself and he couldn’t keep it in anymore. His Dad had just lost a lot of money gambling and his parents were constantly fighting because of it. On top of that he was failing most of his classes and they were threatening to pull him off of the basketball team because of it. And Steve lived for basketball; it was the one thing that took his mind off of his problems. Seth didn’t know what to do other than offer his tutoring services, and sure, he wasn’t allowed to acknowledge Steve’s existence outside of the library, but two nights a week for the following four months, Seth tutored Steve until he was all caught up.

“He is the History and English guru!” Steve proclaimed proudly, swinging an arm around Seth’s shoulders and giving him a noogie.

“The hair, the hair.” Seth squirmed, trying to wriggle out of his embrace, scowling at Ryan for not coming to his aid. He was just standing there smiling at them.

“Anyway, dude. Party, my house, tonight. You should come too, Cohen.”

“Me? In public at your party?”

“Dude, that attitude is so high school, we’re past that shit now.” Steve told him good-naturedly. “Some of the other guys from Harbor are going to be there. And I know for a fact that Summer is going to be there cos Kristy is dating my brother and there’s no way he’s missing it.”

Seth cut a glance at Ryan to try and gauge his reaction.

“As nice as it is for you to finally acknowledge my presence in public, I’m not sure,” he began.

“You should come, Seth.” Ryan nodded.

“Really? You think I should?”

“See, it’s all set,” Steve said before Ryan could even indicate his acquiesce. “Check you guys later.” 

“Well he’s the same as ever.” Seth announced, straightening his clothes as Steve bounded back into the sea of students. He closed his eyes as Ryan’s fingers raked through his hair in a vain attempt to settle it down after having Steve’s knuckles mussing it. Ryan seemed to notice what he was doing the same time as Seth, because he slowly extracted his hand and wrapped it around his book.

“He’s not so bad. But you should, you know. Come to the party.” He clarified.

“Yeah?”

Ryan nodded. “Maybe we can give this friends thing a shot.”

Seth smiled. “I’d like that.” He glanced at his watch and saw that it was getting late. “I should go. I’m having an early dinner with my parents and the Roberts’.”

“Okay,” Ryan said. “And thanks. For the book. For coming here.”

“I told you a month ago that I would,”

“Yeah, but you didn’t have to.”

“Well you’re welcome.” Seth told him sincerely. Friends. Seth could totally do that.

***

“He got you a present?”

Ryan chose to ignore the tone of Dom’s voice as they drove back from graduation and he continued flicking through the book, as mesmerized by it as he was in the Barnes & Noble in Santa Monica. The more he looked at it, the more he was inspired to learn how to create artwork like that.

“He bought it a few weeks ago, before all of this,” he waved his hand in the air to indicate their current situation.

“So what’s going on between you two then?” Dom asked, staring into traffic, but Ryan knew he was paying attention to his response despite the flippant way he asked.

“Nothing, really. We’re just going to try giving friends a go.”

“Have you ever been just friends?” Dom questioned.

Slowing the turning of pages, Ryan pondered that question. Had they ever been? Even in the first six weeks of their friendship, before they had kissed, Ryan had felt a connection; an attraction.

“Well it’s all we can do for now,” he replied, avoiding answering.

“You’re still hung up on him, huh?”

“It hasn’t even been two weeks yet, Dom. What do you think?” Ryan snapped, then immediately felt bad for it. It wasn’t Dom’s fault that Ryan was shaken from seeing Seth again. He hadn’t felt anything resembling anger since Tuesday night when Seth finally confided in him as to what was going on, and this left room again for affection. He had felt a surge of it as he spotted Seth trailing behind Dom at graduation, and Ryan had to call on all of his willpower not to reach out for him, pull him towards himself and kiss him, thank him for caring enough to be there for him. “Sorry, I’m just…”

“Affected by seeing him again? Still in love with him?”

Ryan sighed. “All of the above? Can we stop talking about it now?”

“Okay,” Dom agreed, shifting in his seat before changing the subject. “So what’s the plan for tonight? Want to hang at my place? Drink that bottle of whiskey I’ve had sitting there since my birthday?”

“Actually there’s a party tonight at Steve’s house. Did you want to come?”

“Are the guys from soccer going to be there?”

“Mike and Dan are definitely going to be, Max and James as well, probably.”

Dom nodded. “Count me in. We’ll have fun, get drunk, make you forget all about whatshisname.”

Ryan didn’t bother correcting him about how unlikely that situation would be. Especially when Seth walked through the front door of the party.

***

“I still don’t understand how you managed to get an invite to Steve Boland’s party,” Summer mentioned quietly on their way to the party. Kristy and Zach were sitting up front talking about their college plans which left Seth and Summer in the back able to have their own private conversation.

“I told you, I used to tutor him when he was at Harbor,” Seth reiterated. “I’m surprised you agreed to arrive at a party with me.”

“Whatever,” she dismissed, waving her hand. “You’re just lucky you’ve grown on me.”

“Wow, eighteen years of being related and now she starts to appreciate me.”

“I never said anything about appreciating you,” she protested, but the small smile pulling at her lips indicated otherwise. “Besides, only you would have the house to yourself for the whole of graduation weekend and refuse to have a party.”

“Like I need that pressure,” Seth replied. “Things have been tense enough without adding a covert party operation.”

His parent’s had left for Napa a few hours earlier after a quick dinner at the Yacht Club. Not that Seth thought a weekend at a wine region was the best idea for his alcoholic mother… and adding to that, they were there to discuss strategies for The Newport Group away from prying eyes and ears. There was one big ball of stress if ever Seth had seen one.

“Well we both know why you’re attending the party tonight. You wouldn’t normally go near a Harbor party, let alone a Union one.”

“Whatever, Summer.” Seth dismissed her. “We’re just trying to be friends.”

“Good, because your parents don’t need that hassle right now. You don’t need that hassle right now.”

Looking out the window, Seth bit around his nails but didn’t respond.

A short time later they pulled up to a house. Not a house, a mansion.

“I thought Steve’s Dad lost all of their money,” Seth mused, admiring the building in front of him.

“Yeah, but his Mom remarried last year.”

“And how,” Kristy joined in. “Come on, we’re late and my boyfriend’s probably drunk off his ass already. College boys, I swear.”

They stepped through the front door and it was obvious that the party was already in full swing. The place smelled of alcohol and sweat as music blared from speakers and bodies writhed on the make-shift dancefloor. By Seth’s estimation, there were at least two hundred people present, and Seth only recognized a handful of them.

“Drink?” Zach questioned, making the universal symbol of tipping an imaginary cup to his lips. Seth and Summer both nodded and Summer started heading towards the stairs where a group of her friends were sitting.

And this, Seth hadn’t thought about. The fact that he had no friends here except for Summer and Zach – and they were barely that. What was he supposed to do?

He saw Summer stop in her tracks and turn to him. “Seth, come on,”

To say the conversation was stilted and uncomfortable would be a massive understatement. Seth had almost forgotten how shallow and selfish Summer’s friends were, and he had to remind himself that just because she had finally shown some compassion and substance, it didn’t mean that they had to as well.

Zach finally got back with the beer, and yes, alcohol would make the night more bearable! A half hour later, he was on his second and was contemplating just going home for a few rounds of Guitar Hero before bed. Anything would have to be more exciting than this. Then he was reminded of what had dragged him here in the first place.

Dom. Well, he wasn’t there for Dom, but he saw Dom enter the room from a back entrance. And he knew that wherever Dom was, Ryan wasn’t too far behind. 

And he was right, because five steps behind him was Ryan Atwood. Seth’s breath caught in his throat at the sight and his heart rate increased. Ryan looked good. Like, really good. He was wearing those jeans that fit him so well with a white wifebeater under a navy blue shirt, and Seth just wanted to push that shirt from his shoulders and tongue his collarbone. Ryan was right there and looked so goddamned good. Girls were looking him up and down as they passed him, but Ryan oblivious to their appraising stares. He could have any one of them that he wanted, however it was Seth the uber-geek who knew what it was like to kiss him, how his muscles felt under his fingertips, what he sounded like when he came.

But Seth was supposed to be thinking like a friend, and those were distinctly un-friend like thoughts.

He wasn’t sure how long he was staring, but it must have been a while, because Zach nudged him to get his opinion on something at the same time that Ryan’s eyes caught his.

“Uh, I’d take Rome over Paris any day,” Seth hoped to God that they were still talking about where Zach should spend his European vacation. His eyes never left Ryan’s, and eventually Ryan nodded his head towards the backdoor, indicating for Seth to meet him outside. “I’ll be back, I just have to catch up with someone.”

Seth wound his way through the bodies of the increasingly more inebriated teens until he stumbled upon the French doors that lead to the back yard where Ryan was waiting for him. He headed towards the corner of the patio, and took a seat on the decking next to Ryan, beer swinging loosely in his hands and his back and head resting against the wall.

“Hey,” he said.

“Hey,” Ryan responded.

Taking a swig of his drink, Seth tried to get more comfortable on the hard wood, double-entendre not intended. In doing so, he ended up pressed against Ryan’s side, and if he noticed, he didn’t move away.

“So,” Ryan started, obviously struggling as much with a topic of conversation as Seth was. “What have you been up to over the past few weeks?”

“Honestly? I’ve done a lot. I made it to a whole new level on Guitar Hero, I’ve re-alphabetized my CD and DVD collection. What else… I’ve done my homework even though it means squat right now and hardly anyone else bothered with it. And in between all of that I’ve been able to fit in a whole lot of moping. What about you?”

Ryan nodded. “Pretty much the same, with the moping. And work, you know.”

They sat in silence, pressed up against each other, looking anywhere but at each other, taking swigs from their respective drinks.

“Do you think…?” Seth said just as Ryan started with “How was…?”

They both laughed as the awkward tension lifted. Until they turned to face each other and Seth got lost in those eyes, again. Those deep blue eyes that really were the windows to Ryan’s soul, if you knew to look for it. Their breath mingled as they stared and Seth’s thoughts drifted to un-friendly territory yet again. But it was okay because he could tell that Ryan was feeling the same way.

“Seth,” he whispered, and Seth could smell the alcohol on his breath, feel his hand drop from the beer bottle to lightly run down his thigh.

Seth knew Ryan wasn’t drunk, and he’d only had a few beers himself, so anything they did here couldn’t be written off as a drunken fall from grace or conscience, or whatever it was that was stopping him from pushing Ryan against the wall and devouring him right the fuck now.

But fuck it. Just, fuck it. He was tired, so tired. Tired of being strong, tired of possessing willpower, tired of denying himself the one thing he wanted more than anything else in the world.

He let his own hand drop on top of Ryan’s on his thigh, not breaking eye contact even when Ryan went to pull his hand away. Seth just held on firmly.

“Ryan, I…” Seth started but was interrupted as his head hovered closer to meet Ryan’s halfway, for their lips to finally touch again after being two weeks without contact. He couldn’t hear the noise of the party for the blood rushing past his ears, and he closed his eyes to block out the rest.

Just as their lips were about to meet, there was a large shriek followed by a splash, and people were laughing and clapping at the person who had fallen into the pool.

Moment broken, Seth came back to himself but didn’t let go of Ryan’s hand.

“Did you want to get out of here?” Ryan asked hopefully.

“God yes, please!” Seth scrambled to pull himself off the ground and reached out a hand to pull Ryan up with him. “My parents are out of town for the weekend; come on.”

Ryan didn’t let go of his hand as Seth led them back through the house, both of them depositing their half finished beers on the counter, keen to be alone and be alone now. Seth caught Summer’s eye as they were headed towards the front door and she looked at him quizzically. He gave her a half smile and a wave to let her know he was leaving, and although he spotted the narrowing of her eyes, he couldn’t bring himself to care. Because he currently had Ryan’s hand in his and he nearly kissed him outside, and Ryan wanted to be alone with him and still wanted him as much as Seth still wanted Ryan.

They hurriedly crawled into a taxi that had just dropped a group of people at the party. Seth blurted his address at the driver, and stared at Ryan across the back seat, their hands still clasped.

“What are we doing, Seth?” Ryan asked, sounding tired, defeated.

“I don’t know,” Seth admitted, but slid closer to him along the faux-leather seat. He couldn’t take it anymore, he had to be close to him. He carefully lifted himself to straddle Ryan’s lap in the moving taxi and ran a hand down his face. Ryan caught his hand and brought it to his lips as Seth continued to speak. “But I really like you and I really want to be with you. So for tonight, could you just not be an Atwood and I’ll not be a Nichol? Just for tonight, could we just be Ryan and Seth?”

Ryan barely had enough time to nod his agreement before his lips were pressed against Seth’s, and Jesus and Moses, Seth had missed this. The way Ryan’s tongue ran along the seam of his lips, the way he caressed his tongue while running his fingers through his hair. The way Ryan’s breath hitched when Seth moved his lips across stubble to nibble and lick on the pulse point in his neck.

He’d forgotten how it made him feel, kissing Ryan. The way it made him feel so connected to him, like nothing could get in their way, even though reality had shown them that things could. The way his fingers danced along his spine under his shirt, it made him feel special, wanted, like he was a somebody just because Ryan Atwood thought he was.

The taxi driver cleared his throat as they pulled up outside of Seth’s house, and he blindly grabbed forty dollars from his pocket and threw it towards him, not taking his eyes from Ryan.

Ryan followed him from the taxi through the gate and up the drive to the door. He visibly shivered as he fumbled with the lock, Ryan’s fingertips pulling at his collar for his lips to gain better access to his neck. The lock finally connected and the tumblers fell into place, and he quickly punched in the alarm code before it went off, praising his own cognitive abilities at remembering the series of numbers. The blood was quickly draining from his brain and heading south, and no one could have blamed him if he had forgotten. Although the security company probably wouldn’t appreciate the excuse of “I had a boner” if they were called out for nothing.

Ryan seemed to hesitate as he stepped through to the entrance hall, and Seth had to remind himself that he had only ever been here the one time, at a function no less. He grabbed his hand and led him to the stairs.

***

Ryan was contemplating surgically attaching his lips to the back of Seth’s neck and being done with it when the door finally swung open and took them inside. And yeah, Ryan had been there before, but he had only seen part of the house and didn’t realize how extravagant it was, what opulence Seth lived in.

“Come on,” Seth nudged, grasping his hand and leading him up the stairs to his room.

As Seth flicked on the lights, Ryan took his time to gaze around the room. It looked like the room of any teenage boy; soft blue walls adorned with music posters, a walnut colored desk with a computer, CD’s and iPod dock with speakers.

“Is this okay?” Seth asked, wrapping his arms around Ryan from behind and nuzzling at the place where his shoulder joined his neck, nipping lightly at the skin there.

He nodded his assent and let his head roll back against Seth’s shoulder while he continued to attack his neck. Ryan reached his hand up behind him to card his fingers through Seth’s soft brown curls as the boy continued to drop kisses against his neck, moving up to capture his mouth, and Ryan turned in his arms so he could kiss him properly.

And wow, Ryan had literally dreamed of this most nights, of Seth touching him, kissing him, pulling him close and feeling him hard against him. But this was a reminder that dreams were rarely as good as the real thing, as Seth pulled at the buttons on his shirt, releasing them one by one, his lips never leaving Ryan’s. Seth ran his hands from Ryan’s bare shoulders down to his wrists before running his fingers under his wifebeater to the skin of his stomach. He hummed in appreciation as Seth wound his hands to the small of his back and pulled him closer, rubbing their hips together and creating such a delicious friction that he needed to slow things down before he came in his pants.

They broke apart when Ryan tugged at Seth’s polo shirt, indicating that he wanted it off, Seth doing the same thing with Ryan’s wifebeater. By unspoken agreement their jeans and boxer briefs followed the same path to the floor, and Seth lay down upon the soft sheets of his bed, beckoning Ryan to join him.

Ryan had to take a moment. The sight of a fully-naked Seth was something that took his breath away in Santa Monica a month ago, and it was doing so again now. His long and lean frame, the hint of underlying muscles, his deep dark eyes almost all pupil, the paleness of his skin a shock against the deep grey of the sheets.

After he had looked his fill, Ryan crawled across the soft mattress to lie on top of Seth, his mouth meeting his in a slow and deliberate kiss. Gone was the urgency of the taxi and of two minutes earlier, as Ryan slowly thrust his tongue inside of Seth’s mouth, caressing his tongue, rotating his hips slowly so their cocks connected every other second. He ripped his mouth away to nibble on Seth’s left ear, working his way down to his neck and collarbone before heading back up to his mouth in another long and sensuous kiss. He broke away and stared into the deep pool of Seth’s eyes, breathing heavily and stroking the hair from his forehead.

And right now, in this moment, with Seth looking at him with an intensity rivaling his own, Ryan was able to forget about the previous few weeks. He was able to forget about his heartache and thoughts that he would never be here with Seth skin-to-skin again. He felt wanted, he felt warm, he felt safe.

The words, “I love you,” were out of his mouth before he could stop them, and Seth’s eyes widened that much further and a small smile pulled at his lips.

“I love you too,” he replied without hesitation, reaching out a hand to pull Ryan’s lips to his own again, and a warmth blossomed through Ryan’s chest as the words they’d just exchanged sunk in. Ryan wasn’t alone in this, he wasn’t.

Seth rolled his hips and Ryan groaned into his mouth, pulling off and moving down Seth’s body. He licked at his nipples until they developed into tight wet peaks, then continued down, running his tongue along every rib on his left side before biting down on his pelvic bone.

He’d been dreaming of having Seth’s cock in his mouth since the last time he’d blown him in the backseat of the car, before Seth was knocked out by Trey. He didn’t think he’d ever get tired of how empowered he felt, tonguing his dick and sucking hard while Seth writhed underneath him, cursing a blue streak.

“Fuck, Ryan. Your mouth feels incredible. Yeah, just there, so good. Fuck you’re amazing. You’re gonna make me come so hard,” Ryan smiled around his dick as Seth continued to talk. Not even a blow job could shut him up, and Ryan quickened his pace to bring him closer to the edge.

“No, Ryan. Wait, wait!”

“What is it?” Ryan pulled off and looked at Seth with concern in his eyes. “Did I do something wrong?”

“God, no baby,” Ryan raised an eyebrow at Seth’s use of the word but didn’t say anything. Seth beckoned him with his hand and gave him a reassuring kiss. “You were going to make me come,”

“That was kind of the plan, Seth,” Ryan reminded him.

“Yeah, but I want you… I mean, I want you in me. When I come, I want you inside me.”

Ryan let out a long breath and willed his heart rate to slow down, because the thought of sliding his dick into that hot tight heat, of being inside Seth and feeling him everywhere was too much to handle. It was also the last thing he expected Seth to say, to offer him.

“Seth,” he started. “You don’t have anything to make up to me. You don’t have to prove anything.”

“This is not about that. I’ve been thinking about this ever since we went to Santa Monica. I want to know what it’s like, how it feels. I love you, and I want this.”

“You’ve been thinking about it?”

“Like you haven’t?” Seth questioned.

“Do you even have anything?” Ryan asked, deliberately avoiding answering the question while rubbing a hand up and down Seth’s stomach.

“In the second draw of my bedside table,” Seth told him, and Ryan reached across to blindly fumble until he came across a square foil packet and a bottle of lube.

Ryan took a look at the bottle and raised his eyebrow skeptically. “It’s open already?”

Seth blushed. “I may have tried out certain things.”

“Like?”

“Like maybe I tried things, with my fingers. You know, to see what it’s like.” Seth sheepishly revealed, not sounding overly confident in his confession.

The image of Seth lying on his bed doing that was almost enough to tip Ryan over the edge. He hungrily nuzzled into his neck again, then dropped back down to lap at his cock. While Seth was preoccupied with the feel of his tongue on his dick, Ryan reached out and blindly coated his fingers in lube before moving his fingers down, circling him.

“Did you think about this Seth?” Ryan asked, catching his breath before going back down on him.

“Yeah,” Seth hissed.

“Did you think about my fingers inside you while I was sucking your cock?”

Seth took a sharp intake of breath. “Fuck, Ryan.”

“What? You thought you were the only one that could talk dirty?” he smirked.

“I did until now.”

Ryan continued doing what he needed to get Seth ready for him, a feeling of anticipation and apprehension running up his spine. What if it wasn’t good? What if he hurt him? What if they wake up in the morning, still the descendents of their feuding grandfathers, and Seth still realizes how hard it is to be with him.

But then he looked into Seth’s eyes and saw the passion, the admiration, the need, and what he now knew to be the love in his eyes. He wanted this as much as Ryan did. He could tell.

“I’m ready, man,” Seth told him, flipping onto his stomach. “Come on, I want this, I promise.”

Ryan sat back on his heels while he rolled on the condom and slicked himself up. His right hand was shaking as he caressed Seth’s ass in an attempt to calm himself down as much as Seth.

“Are you okay?” he asked, lining himself up.

“Please, Ryan, just do it. I want you to.” Seth looked behind his shoulder at him.

“I don’t want to hurt you,”

“You won’t.”

“You’ll let me know if I do, right? I’m not doing this unless you promise me that.”

He saw Seth reach down to jack his own cock. “I promise. Now come on, don’t make me beg.”

Ryan took a deep breath as he pushed into Seth, running a hand over his lower back as he felt his lover’s whole body stiffen. He held still while Seth got used to him.

“Okay, I’m good,” Seth said after a beat, and after a few more pauses and a little more lube, Ryan slid home.

And it felt better than anything had in his whole life.

The feeling of being inside the guy that he was in love with, who loved him, was so amazing that Ryan had no words to describe it. All he could feel was tightness and heat around his dick, and a warmth in his chest that he was actually doing this, that it meant something.

“Ryan, I, uh, I think I need you to move.” Seth suggested, and Ryan didn’t need to be told twice as he started a slow and steady thrust. It felt like dying, it felt like heaven, and Ryan was kind of glad he couldn’t see Seth’s face right now, because despite the moans that were starting to sound less like pain and more like pleasure, he knew that it had to be hurting him.

“How are you doing?” Ryan grunted out between thrusts, knowing that the rhythm and the tightness and the thrill of being inside Seth meant that he wouldn’t last much longer.

“I’m good,” Seth told him breathily. “You feel good, just keep moving.”

Seth’s moans gradually started to mirror his own, and when he reached down again to jack himself, the slight change in angle meant that Ryan fell deeper, rubbing up against what he knew was his prostate. He couldn’t help but speed up his thrusting in time with Seth’s intense groans of pleasure, and the second he heard Seth come he finally let himself go, thrusting once, twice more before groaning in ecstasy. He collapsed against Seth’s back and breathed heavily into his sweaty skin.

“You’re heavy,” Seth panted, his face squished against the mattress.

“Sorry,” Ryan said sheepishly as he slowly pulled out of Seth and lay next to him.

“Wow,” Seth said after a few more deep breaths. “I mean, like, that was… wow.”

“Good wow?” Ryan asked nervously, trying to get his breath back.

“What did you think?”

“I thought it was fucking amazing. But I wasn’t the one taking it.”

“It was fucking amazing,” Seth reassured him. “I’m not saying it didn’t hurt a bit. But I feel all, loose, you know? Free. Amazing,” he attempted to explain.

“Going to that party tonight, I never thought we would end up doing this.”

“I know, I’m having trouble getting over the fact that we did it too.”

Ryan nodded and nudged Seth so that he turned to face him. “Regrets?”

“Are you seriously asking me that question? God, no. None whatsoever.” He leaned in and kissed Ryan long and hard.

“Good.” Ryan said truthfully, trying to put everything he wasn’t saying into that one word. That he didn’t regret it, that he’d never regret being with Seth, sleeping with him. That he cared for him, loved him. That the act of being inside him, of making him come, made him feel closer to him emotionally as well. Ryan had never had emotional sex before, never knew how much better it could be when your heart was in it, too.

“I should change the sheets before I fall asleep,” Seth mentioned between kisses. “Sex is messy, dude.”

“We should probably shower, too.” Ryan suggested as Seth curled into him.

“Nah, too tired for any of that. I think you’ve put me in a sex coma,” Seth said as his eyes began to droop.

“I thought you wanted to change the sheets?” Ryan reminded him.

“Fuck it, I’ll just sleep in the wet spot,” Seth mumbled, turning to the face the other side so that Ryan was spooning him. “Sleep now.”

“Okay,” Ryan agreed, settling an arm around his waist and pulling the comforter up and over them. As sleep tugged at the edge of his consciousness, he wondered what his dreams would bring him that night, seeing as he had the real thing sleeping next to him, wrapped up in his arms.

Tomorrow, Seth would go back to being a Nichol and Ryan an Atwood, but right now, they were just Seth and Ryan – and everything felt right with the world.

 

**REASON IS TREASON – CHAPTER FOURTEEN**

 

Those first few moments after waking up in unfamiliar surroundings have always freaked Ryan out. That momentary feeling of mild panic, not knowing where you are or how you got there was one of the most uncomfortable feelings Ryan had. He hated experiencing that lack of safety and control.

That exact feeling was currently running up his spine as his body registered the comfort of the pillow-top mattress underneath him so different from his bed at home, the softness of high thread-count material against his naked skin, a warm body next to his own, and he couldn’t help but lightly gasp until his brain finally caught up with the events of the night before.

It was the morning after the night before, and recollection hit Ryan like a freight train. He gently turned to look at the boy beside him. His boy. Seth. His Seth. His Seth who looked so peaceful in sleep, pillow creases embedded in his pale skin, the mop of brown curls on his head unruly. Ryan struggled to resist running his hands through them, then remembered that he was actually allowed to do it now.

Seth groaned as Ryan’s fingertips raked through his hair and massaged his scalp. Ryan felt him stiffen as he blinked his eyes open, and as soon as he saw Ryan lying next to him he relaxed, stretched, and smiled widely.

“Good morning,” Ryan whispered, dropping a chaste kiss on Seth’s lips. He wasn’t under any illusions that his breath was anything but foul.

“Morning,” Seth replied, wrapping an arm around Ryan’s shoulder and pulling him closer. “I thought I must have been dreaming.”

“Dreaming about what?” Ryan asked.

“Last night, you being here,” Seth admitted through a yawn. “What time is it?”

Ryan glanced towards the alarm clock on Seth’s beside table. “Just before nine-thirty.”

He watched as Seth scrambled up to be half-sitting. “Don’t you have soccer in, like, half an hour?”

Ryan shook his head. “We had our final match of the season last week.”

“Oh,” Seth frowned. “I missed it.”

“It’s okay, it’s not like we were on speaking terms.”

“I just don’t like missing things that are important to you,” Seth mumbled before stifling another yawn with his hand. “What time are you working today?”

“I’m not,” Ryan revealed. “I swapped my weekend shifts with Stacey and I’m working for her on Monday and Tuesday instead.”

“So I’ve got you all to myself this weekend?” Seth asked hopefully.

“What about your parents?” Ryan reminded him.

“They’re not back until tomorrow night.”

“And what about the whole Nichol-Atwood thing?” Ryan questioned, gesturing between them.

“Based on having a parent and work free weekend as well as last night’s nocturnal activities, I declare a moratorium on those discussions unless we absolutely have to have them,” Seth stated. “For this weekend, we’re just Seth and Ryan. Okay?”

Ryan hesitated before answering. As much as he wanted to indulge in Seth’s fantasy world where their being together wouldn’t cause so many problems, he was also a realist.

“If you agree, I promise I’ll blow you in the shower.” Seth offered, and while Ryan pondered the proposal he could feel that his dick was definitely already on board.

“Okay.” Ryan nodded.

A beaming grin spread across Seth’s face and Ryan found himself grinning back. A week ago he hadn’t thought that he’d be back here with Seth. He was going to enjoy it while it lasted.

***

Shower over, Seth padded down to the kitchen while Ryan called Dom to let him know he was staying at Casa Cohen for the weekend. Seth loaded the coffee maker and got out the box of Cap’n Crunch from the cupboard while he waited for Ryan to join him.

He wasn’t sure how he should be feeling today. Happy that he had Ryan back again? Definitely. Relieved that he didn’t try and sneak out of his bed in the middle of the night? For sure. A little bit, uh, tender? Hmmm, yes, there was definitely that too. Overall he just felt contented. Sure, he got laid last night, but it was more than that. He finally admitted that he was in love with Ryan, and Ryan felt the same way. That made him the happiest person in the world.

Seth’s ruminations were interrupted by the sound of Ryan coming down the stairs.

“How’s Dom?”

“Hung over as fuck,” Ryan mumbled, stepping closer to Seth and kissing him.

“Mmm, minty-fresh.” Seth smiled into his mouth.

“Well after what we just did in the shower,” Ryan trailed off, and Seth blushed despite everything they had gotten up to already that weekend.

The loud rumbling of Ryan’s stomach interrupted their kiss. Seth laughed and started running through breakfast options.

“We have Pop Tarts, Cap’n Crunch, Cheerios…”

“Anything that won’t put me into a diabetic coma?” Ryan enquired.

“Heathen,” Seth whispered under his breath and started rifling through the cupboard. “I think Mom has some god-awful muesli-type concoction here somewhere, and it’s bound to be full seeing as Dad and I never eat it.”

He finally located the toasted muesli and sat it on the bench. Reaching into another cupboard to get Ryan a bowl, he watched Ryan’s face screw up in a curious look as he removed the bag of cereal from the box.

“Uh, Seth?”

“What is it?” Seth slid over to Ryan and took a peek inside the cereal box. In his cereal boxes he sometimes got a lucky charm or card of an NFL player. Apparently his Mom got little bottles of vodka. “For fuck’s sake.”

“Seth,” the tone of Ryan’s voice was supportive, and he lifted his hand to rub his back in a soothing way.

“I can’t believe this,” Seth muttered, shaking his head. “She said she was clean. She told us she wasn’t drinking anymore.”

“And she might not be,” Ryan attempted to cajole.

“There are ten mini bottles of vodka in here, Ryan,” he stated incredulously.

“It might just be a crutch for her. You know, she’s got it if she needs it, but she doesn’t drink it?”

“She’s hiding alcohol around the house; this isn’t a good sign.”

“It’s not,” Ryan conceded. “But give her the benefit of the doubt here, Seth. You said she was doing well.”

“Yeah,” Seth sighed, resigned. He was feeling a mix of anger and disappointment, but he didn’t want it to overshadow what had so far been a pretty fucking awesome weekend. Emphasis on the _fucking_. Yeah, that’s what he needed to be thinking about. Not his Mom, not her drinking. He needed to be thinking about more pleasant things like being naked and pressed up against an equally naked Ryan, swallowing him down, the feel of Ryan inside him – heat, pressure, pain that eased into pleasure, feeling him shake and shudder as he came inside him.

“Seth, are you okay?” Ryan asked, his hand on Seth’s shoulder.

“I was just thinking about last night,” he confessed, already half-hard at the images his brain had conjured up.

“Good thoughts?”

“Best thoughts.”

They stood there in the kitchen smiling stupidly at each other for a few minutes before Ryan came to himself again and finished preparing their breakfast. Armed with fresh coffee and cereal, they made their way to the couch and watched cartoons while they ate.

“So, what did you want to do today?” Ryan asked.

Seth paused before answering. “I was considering doing a little dance, making a little love. Getting down tonight?”

The look Ryan gave him was something between I can’t believe you just said that and I find you strangely adorable.

“Seriously, Ryan, until yesterday morning the only plans I had for this weekend other than drowning myself in a tub of ice-cream was to try and think of ways to get you to talk to me again.”

“Ice-cream?” Ryan raised an eyebrow.

“I know, I know. But my girlish tendencies are endearing, right?”

“You’re definitely not a girl, Seth. Believe me, I know,” Ryan stated, trailing a hand up Seth’s thigh.

Seth gulped and swallowed; Ryan’s comment and hand movements had rendered him breathless.

“So you didn’t want to go to the Harbor party tonight?” Ryan asked, setting his cup onto the coffee table with the hand not currently running up Seth’s leg.

“Are you serious?” Seth asked, placing his own half-finished coffee next to Ryan’s so he could trail a hand across Ryan’s jaw line and into his hair. “Apart from a handful of people who were pretty cool, I wasn’t exactly popular.”

“Their loss,” Ryan told him, edging closer and capturing Seth’s lips. “I think you’re pretty awesome.”

“So you’re not going to ditch me the second we’re in the same school?”

“Berkeley? Not a chance,” Ryan answered, and kissed Seth harder and deeper as if to prove his point.

Things heated up pretty quickly, and Seth soon found himself vertical on the couch, Ryan looming above him, slipping his fingers underneath Seth’s tee and trailing fingers across his stomach. His kisses were electric and Seth was on fire. He couldn’t believe that he had been coping without Ryan’s touch for as long as he had. Well, no one who knew him could actually accuse him of coping. He was pretty pathetic.

He could feel Ryan hard against his thigh as he sucked on Seth’s collarbone and neck, making him gasp and whimper in a totally non-girly way. Seth nudged him until Ryan’s lips met his own again, licking into his mouth and savoring the way it felt. All he wanted to do was slide both of their pants down their hips so their naked groins could rub against each other.

“Seth?” Ryan started between kisses.

“Yeah?” Seth replied breathlessly.

“How did it feel?” he asked somewhat sheepishly before diving back into Seth’s mouth.

“How did what feel?” Seth questioned before recognition hit him. He was asking him about last night. “Oh, that?”

Ryan didn’t answer, just kissed him deeply again.

“It hurt a bit,” Seth started, underplaying the pain a little. In truth it hurt a lot, felt like he was going to be split in two at one stage. But then it got better, then best, and he would do it all over again. But maybe not for another few days yet. “But then it started to feel really good and I lost focus on the discomfort. I just felt really close to you, you know? Connected.”

“Would you…”

“Do it again?” Seth finished off for him. “Definitely, but I may need a few days to recover.”

“What about… I mean, would you want to…”

Seth tore his gaze from Ryan’s mouth to stare into his eyes to see if he was asking him what he thought he was asking him. “Are you serious?”

Ryan tipped his head in a way to indicate that he was, and Seth was rendered breathless yet again. “Bedroom. Now,”

Lifting off of him, Ryan stood and pulled Seth up and against him, kissing him deeply. Seth pulled back and placed a hand on his chest. “Are you sure about this?”

“I want to feel you,” Ryan told him, sweeping the curls from his forehead. “I meant what I said last night. And I want to experience everything with you.”

“Then let’s do it.”

***

They had made it to Seth’s bed eventually, taking their time to stop and kiss and touch and stroke and undress until Ryan was a puddle of need. By the time he found himself on his back on Seth’s mattress, Seth’s fingers buried deep inside him, he couldn’t think of anything other than having his lover’s cock replacing his fingers.

Tears formed in his eyes when Seth finally slid into him, and he bit his lip to stop the groan that threatened to come out. At Ryan’s insistence, they were lying face-to-face. Watching Seth’s jaw slacken and eyes widen when he came was one of Ryan’s favorite things, and he didn’t want to miss it again like he did last night.

All he could feel was the pressure of Seth inside him, but that soon ebbed away as Seth began to move, making the hottest sounds Ryan had ever heard. Yes Ryan, so good. God, so tight. I just want to stay here forever. Fuck, Ryan, fuck. Ryan saw stars the first time Seth hit his prostate, and bucked up to try and force him to hit that spot again, and again, and again. One tug on his dick and he came all over his stomach, Seth following soon after, collapsing on top of him.

Ryan was a mess of emotions, he wasn’t sure what to think.

“Was that okay?” Seth asked between deep breaths.

“God, yeah,” Ryan muttered. It was the understatement of the century. It was more than okay, way more than just okay.

And that’s what Ryan was struggling with.

When Ryan and Seth started getting more serious, he began to think about what it would be like, having him inside him. The idea of it didn’t repulse him, but it did make him nervous. He thought that maybe it would be something he would do because Seth would want him to, to make them feel closer to each other. And God, last night being inside Seth made him feel closer to him than anything. He offered himself to Seth today because he wanted to feel that connection again, feel what it was like.

But he didn’t expect to feel like this. Like feeling Seth inside him was the most right feeling in the world. That it was worth the initial pain and discomfort. That this was one place and one act where he didn’t have to be in control. That he could give himself over to Seth and just feel, because he trusted him. And he knew that he wanted to do it again, wanted to feel it again. And that kind of scared him.

A nap, shower, and change of clothes later, Seth decided that he maybe should do some laundry. Ryan ripped the soiled sheets from the bed and followed him down the stairs, picking up his boxer briefs and t-shirt from where they had discarded them along the way to the bedroom to wash with the bedding. He felt a little ridiculous wearing Seth’s too-long sweats and snug-fitting hoodie, but it felt strangely comforting as well.

Ryan loaded the washing machine while Seth searched the laundry cupboards for detergent.

“Have you seriously never done any laundry?” Ryan asked incredulously.

“Leave me alone,” Seth blushed. “We have a cleaning service that comes in twice a week.”

Finally, Seth located the bottle of Tide, and handed it to Ryan who checked that it didn’t contain any bleach.

“Oh, you have got to be kidding me!” Seth exclaimed while Ryan was reading the bottle.

“What?” he questioned, glancing up to see a bottle of gin in Seth’s hands.

“She’s hiding alcohol in the laundry now?” Seth’s face had turned pale. “She knows Dad and I don’t know how to operate anything in here. Where else is she hiding things?”

Ryan didn’t know what to say, so he settled for turning the washing machine on, then grabbing Seth and pulling him into his arms.

“Seriously, Ryan. If she’s hiding alcohol in here and the kitchen, where else is she hiding it?” Seth shrugged out of his grip, and Ryan followed as Seth mechanically went from room to room in his house; his Mom’s office, their guest bedroom, their guest bathroom, the attic, the basement, the pool house. By the end of their exploration they had a total of nineteen mini bottles of alcohol, and six bottles of gin and vodka.

Ryan couldn’t do anything but watch as Seth shut down. With each discovery he could see his heart breaking, the brightness in his eyes that was so evident in the bedroom was dimming. And Ryan hated that there wasn’t anything he could do but help him search and rub his back when he would find something else.

After Seth had finished tipping the contents of the final bottle down the kitchen sink, Ryan pulled him into an embrace, Seth resting his forehead against his shoulder.

“Please don’t take this the wrong way, Ryan,” Seth murmured into his shoulder. “But I think I might need to be alone for a while. Just, like, a little bit.”

Ryan nodded that he understood, but hated leaving Seth when he thought he was going to be able to spend another night with him.

“I can, I can go,” Ryan told him. “I’ll get Dom to come and get me,”

“No!” Seth said quickly. “No, I don’t want you to go. I just need to go for a walk or something. Clear my head?”

“Okay.” Ryan held Seth tighter before letting him go.

“I won’t be long, I’ll just walk along the beach for a bit.”

“Sure.”

“You’ll still be here when I get back?” Seth sounded as defeated as he looked.

Ryan tried to give him what he hoped looked like a reassuring smile. “Nowhere I’d rather be.”

Seth leaned back in to drop a kiss on Ryan’s lips, whispering, “I love you,”

“I love you too,” Ryan returned.

***

He wasn’t wearing a watch, so Seth had no idea how long he’d been gone. If he had to guess, he’d say it was only half an hour, but the sun was starting to dip in the sky so he thought that maybe he had taken a little longer than that. He walked along the beach, let himself get lost in the roll of the waves, and sat down for a while letting the sand trail through his fingers.

As he made his way back towards their beach access point, he hoped to himself that Ryan would understand his need to be alone. It was just so overwhelming. All of it. Finally having Ryan back in his arms, then having him in his bed, inside him. Then this morning, breakfast turning into sex, and the feeling of having Ryan all around him, of thrusting into him and feeling him shake and shudder and trust him enough to do that… it made his heart swell. Finding alcohol hidden around the house was devastating, especially seeing as it had only been a few months since she had promised him, promised his dad, that she was going to try harder.

Seth’s head felt a little clearer by the time he unlocked the door, and he made a resolution to himself that he would just enjoy the rest of the weekend and not think about it anymore.

He opened the French doors to find Ryan on the couch sipping a coffee and reading the paper, the sound of the dryer whirring faintly in the background, and the smell of something cooking in the oven. Seth would kill to come home to this image of domesticity for the rest of his life, but he was still eighteen and he and Ryan hadn’t even spoken about what would happen with them beyond this weekend.

“Hey, you’re back,” Ryan stated, looking up from the paper with a smile on his face.

Seth walked over to Ryan and lay down on the couch resting his head on his lap.

“Are you okay?” Ryan asked, his fingers stroking through Seth’s hair.

“I am. No more talking about sad stuff though, okay? Let’s just enjoy the weekend.”

“Sounds good to me,” Ryan smiled.

“How long was I gone for?” 

“About an hour and a half. I hope you don’t mind that I started dinner. I saw you had some steak in the fridge, so I’m just roasting up some vegetables and I’ll cook the steak when they’re done.”

“You clean _and_ cook? You’re amazing. I’m going to have to hold onto you,” Seth told him.

“You can, if you want,” Ryan quietly offered.

Seth smiled up at Ryan and his returning grin made the tension drop from his body. “This is nice, you know? Just hanging out like this, just us.”

“Yeah, it is,” Ryan agreed, continuing to run his fingers along his scalp.

***

The next morning, Ryan didn’t wake up with that sense of not knowing where he was. No, he knew that he was in Seth’s bed, his body still feeling the effects of the previous few days. He felt heavy though, because he knew that their time alone together was about to be up, and he wasn’t sure where they stood. Sure, they had admitted that they were in love with each other, but the issues that caused them to split in the first place were still the same. Seth had made him promise not to talk about it this weekend, but his parents were due back this afternoon which meant that Ryan had to leave sometime this morning, and he didn’t want to go not knowing when he was going to see Seth next. What could he say, he was addicted.

“Babe, stop thinking,” Ryan’s thoughts were interrupted by Seth. “It’s keeping me awake.”

Ryan snorted. “Well, it is ten o’clock in the morning. I’ve been awake for, uh minutes.”

“Yeah, but we had a late night.”

“You were asleep before the DVD ended, and that was nine-thirty,” Ryan reminded him.

“Maybe wore me out. Did you think of that?” Seth asked, slowly opening his eyes.

“Well how about you get up and have breakfast with me. I should get going soon anyway.”

“Really? Already?” Seth asked, sounding sad.

“Your parents will be home soon, and I should make an appearance at my own house.”

“The ‘rents don’t land until four, we’ve got plenty of time.”

“I still have to go home sometime.”

“Okay,” Seth conceded. “But you don’t have to go now, right? We can have some fun first?”

Ryan smiled, because Seth’s idea of fun so far this weekend had resulted in four orgasms.

***

“Seriously, your best idea ever,” Ryan groaned in satisfaction as bubbles swirled around him and the jets blew warm water onto his back. The Jacuzzi was next to the pool house in the back yard, walls surrounding them so they could sit in privacy, and a retractable roof so they could see the sky.

“I thought my blowjob in the shower yesterday was my best idea ever,” Seth sighed. “Oh well, I guess naked Jacuzzi works too.”

Ryan laughed and reached over to grab Seth’s hand in the water. It had been a good weekend, a great weekend. He hadn’t laughed this much or felt this happy since… well, since the day before Seth broke up with him. Which brought him back to reality a little.

“Seth,” he started. “What’s going to happen when I go home?”

“Well, I’ll go around the house and make sure I’ve cleaned the, uh, evidence off of every surface and gotten rid of all condom wrappers. Then I’ll probably mope around the house for a while until my parents get home.”

“I mean with us,” Ryan interrupted him.

Seth turned his head so that he was facing Ryan, then tugged him so he moved across and straddled Seth’s lap. If there was one thing hotter than sitting naked in a Jacuzzi with Seth, it was sitting naked in a Jacuzzi on Seth.

Their lips met in a soft kiss, and Ryan closed his eyes and savored the taste of him, the sweat beading on top of his lip from the heat of the water, the faint taste of coffee from breakfast, the other taste that was just Seth. Ryan kissed him like it was going to be the last time, because who knew what was going to happen from here?

“I know I said I wouldn’t wait for you,” Ryan whispered between kisses. “But I would, I can. If we can be together at college, I’ll wait,”

Seth shook his head and Ryan’s heart leapt in his throat. Seth couldn’t end it, not after this weekend, not after they’d given themselves to each other, could he?

“The only reason I had to stop sneaking around was to help my Mom. But why should I help her when she won’t even help herself?” Seth questioned, looking honestly into Ryan’s eyes.

“So, you mean?”

“Call me when you finish your shift at work tomorrow. We’ll do something, yeah?” Seth suggested.

Ryan let out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding and leaned in to kiss Seth. This time, knowing that he didn’t have to savor every moment, he poured everything he was feeling into the kiss, giving himself over to Seth.

“Does this mean you’re my boyfriend again?” Seth asked hopefully.

“God, I hope so,” Ryan responded, running his hand through Seth’s damp curls and claiming his lips again. Seth responded in kind, scraping his fingers down Ryan’s back and pulling him closer. Ryan was getting lost in his kiss, turned on by his caresses.

It felt so good, so right to be in his arms again, knowing that they were going to be fine. That they’d work out seeing each other over summer despite their jobs. That they’d go to college together where they could be with each other for real, no hiding.

Ryan should have known that the feeling of contentment and relief was only ever fleeting for him. But right now he felt invincible.

So it shocked him when the door was flung open, exposing them making out in the Jacuzzi. That there stood the woman he knew was Kirsten Cohen, a hand on her slim hip and a confused and angry look on her face.

“Do you want to tell me what the hell is going on here, Seth?”

 

***

 

**REASON IS TREASON – CHAPTER FIFTEEN**

 

“Mom?” Seth questioned meekly, looking at her over the shoulder of his boyfriend. She could have caught them in a more compromising position, especially after everything they had been up to that weekend, but this was definitely awkward enough.

“Out of the hot tub, Seth. Now.” Kirsten’s order left no room for argument, and Seth felt Ryan clambering off of him, taking a seat to his left.

She stood there, hands on her hips and eyes narrowed, waiting for Seth to climb out of the water, which was going to be a hard task in the most literal sense of the word.

“Could you maybe give us some privacy?” Seth questioned. “Or at least pass me a towel?”

A look of realization crossed his mother’s face, and she shook her head in disbelief.

“You have two minutes,” she declared, turning on her heel and heading back to the house.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” Seth repeated over and over, unable to look at Ryan. “We are so royally screwed.”

“I thought you said they wouldn’t be home until later today?” Ryan questioned, hopping out of the Jacuzzi. And was that a tone of annoyance in his voice? Ryan’s parents weren’t the ones catching him fraternizing with the enemy, after all.

“They weren’t supposed to be,” Seth shot back, his tone mirroring Ryan’s. He lifted himself out of the water and grabbed one of the towels he’d left on the bench.

Ryan finished drying himself off and wrapped the towel around his waist. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to snap.”

Seth sighed. “I know man, I’m sorry. Everything was going so well, too.”

“It was,” Ryan nodded. “What are they going to say?”

“You know what? I have no idea. I don’t even know if she recognizes who you are or if she’s just pissed because I was making out with a boy.”

“Well I guess we’re about to find out,” Ryan replied, and moved aside to allow Seth to lead the way back to the house.

He walked through the French doors to see Summer leaning against the kitchen counter looking a little guilty and his parents pacing, muttering quietly to each other. Seth looked at Summer in surprise, and she mouthed you’re screwed at him, nodding down to Ryan’s wallet lying open on the kitchen counter. Well there went his theory that they didn’t recognize him; the words Ryan Atwood were emblazoned on all of the cards in there.

Seth and Ryan bent down to scoop their clothes from the pile by the door where they had left them, and silently walked through the kitchen toward the stairs.

“Where do you think you’re going, Seth?” his Dad called out just as he reached the base of the stairs.

“To get dressed,” he responded. “I am not going to be naked when we have this conversation.”

“You can use the laundry room down here,” Sandy replied, anger in his voice. Seth closed his eyes and felt the beginnings of his own anger settle at the base of his spine. Because this was beyond unfair. He was an adult; he could make his own decisions. They had no right to be upset with him when he hadn’t done anything wrong. All he had done was fall in love with someone who was from a family the Nichol’s considered an enemy.

“My jeans are in your room,” Ryan whispered. “I have to go up there.”

Seth nodded. “I don’t know what they think splitting us up now is going to do.”

“Just get dressed down here, Seth. Don’t make things worse than they are.”

Again nodding in response, Seth watched Ryan ascend the stairs to his room while he walked back through the kitchen and to the laundry room, pointedly not looking at his parents.

The second he was back and in his sweats, his father started on him and Seth immediately felt defensive.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing, Seth?” Sandy’s eyes were narrowed.

“I think it’s pretty obvious,” Seth retaliated, his voice slightly raised.

“How could you bring that boy into our house?” Kirsten looked at him incredulously. “Everything between our family and his… how could you even think it would be okay to bring him here?”

“He does have a name, Mom,” Seth told her.

“I am all too aware of who he is, Seth,” she told him. “And believe me, your complete and utter disregard of your betrayal to this family absolutely astounds me.”

Seth stared at Kirsten with wide, shocked eyes, and he barely registered the sound of Ryan heading down the stairs and back into the kitchen for the blood rushing past his ears.

Of all the people in this room, the one person who certainly was not qualified to lecture him on family betrayal was his mother. 

“Excuse me?”

“What you were doing with that boy,” she gestured at Ryan who was standing behind Seth. “How long have you been keeping this a secret? How much damage has been done?”

“Secrets, huh?” Seth challenged. He’d had enough. He could not just let his mother speak to him like that when she was harboring one of the biggest secrets of all.

“Seth.” Seth barely heard Ryan’s word of warning as his eyes narrowed and focused on Kirsten.

“You want to talk about secrets, Mom?”

He stomped a path back to the laundry room, ignoring Ryan as he called out, “No, Seth. Not like this. Not in front of me and Summer.”

Storming back into the kitchen with a tub filled with empty alcohol bottles, Seth dumped them on the counter. He watched as his mother’s face change from red to white.

“I guess secrets just run in the family.” His voice had a hard edge to it.

“Kirsten?” Sandy said softly, obviously taken aback by the revelation.

“Come on,” Ryan tapped Seth’s shoulder. “Take me home.”

Seth ripped his gaze from his parents to look at his boyfriend and he nodded, his anger fading a little at the look of despair on his father’s face. “Okay.”

“You’re not going anywhere, Seth.” Apparently his father was still focused on him after all.

“I have to take Ryan home,” Seth stated.

“You have to stay and discuss this with us.”

“I have to take Ryan home,” Seth repeated. “We can have this fight when I get back.”

“How do I know that you’re going to come straight home?” Sandy questioned.

“I’ll drive them,” Summer piped up. “I’ll bring Seth back right away.”

“That would be great if you could, thanks Summer. Seth, you can stay here.”

“If you think I’m going to let Ryan get into a car with a member of our family without me, you’re very much mistaken.”

“Seth,” his Dad’s voice carried a warning tone.

“No, Dad. I’m going. Come on, Summer.” Seth picked up his keys and handed Ryan’s wallet to him. He followed Summer and Ryan out of the house and cast one last look towards his parents on the way out. His Dad was looking at his Mom with disappointed eyes, his Mom just stared at the collection of bottles.

There were so many cans of worms open in their household, they were going to be eating them for a week.

***

“What the hell, Summer?” Ryan heard Seth start as soon as they pulled out of the driveway.

He was settled in the back seat of Summer’s red Jeep, next to Seth, but with no contact between the two of them, and Ryan missed the feeling of Seth’s warm skin against his. They had barely been detached the whole weekend. It felt strange to have a foot of space between them now.

“I could ask you the same thing. What the fuck were you thinking? You knew they were returning today!” Summer bit back.

“They weren’t supposed to land until four o’clock!”

“And that’s my fault how?” Summer asked, glaring at Seth through the rear-view mirror. “I took my Dad to the airport this morning and saw Sandy and Kirsten waiting for a cab, so I offered them a ride home, okay?”

“And you couldn’t have warned me? You saw me go home with Ryan Friday night!”

“That was two nights ago, asshole. How was I supposed to know you’d be still attached at the lips?” Summer retorted.

Seth audibly sighed and slumped back in his seat, the fight going out of him a little. “I’m sorry, Summer. It’s not your fault.”

“It so isn’t,” she agreed, an edge of hostility still present in her voice. “You two were supposed to be broken up, anyway.”

Ryan caught Seth’s eyes across the backseat, interested in hearing his response. After everything that had happened that day, he wanted to know if Seth still felt the same as he had in the Jacuzzi before his Mom had interrupted. That Seth still wanted to be with him.

“Things change,” he said simply.

They continued to travel in a silence that Ryan could only describe as uncomfortable, if only because his boyfriend generally tried to fill any silence with incessant babbling. But right now he seemed to be lost in thought, staring at the landscape as they drove by. Ryan was just about to ask him if he was okay when Summer pulled the car into a gas station.

“Cohen, gas me up,” she instructed as she pulled beside a pump.

“What did your last slave die of?” Seth retorted, but got out of the car when she shot a death glare at him through the rear-view mirror.

Summer waited until her tank was full and called out to Seth to get her a Diet Coke while he was in there before she started speaking.

“Do you have any idea how much trouble Seth is going to be in right now?” she asked.

Ryan shrugged his shoulder. “I’m guessing it’s not going to be pleasant.”

“He’s always been the good one, you know? My brothers get in enough trouble for all of us, and Seth’s always just been the one who keeps his nose out of trouble and does what he’s told. Until he met you.”

“You think if my family found out they’d be thrilled?” Ryan questioned, not liking that Summer was blaming him for what had happened.

“I don’t know,” she started. “It all depends on if this was part of the grand plan or not.”

Ryan’s eyes narrowed. “What do you mean?”

“Are you using Seth?”

“What?” Ryan asked incredulously.

“Is this all some kind of fucked up plan to get back at my family? Maybe get some information?”

“That’s ridiculous,” he muttered.

“Is it? The business is being investigated at the moment, how do I know you didn’t plant anything, or take anything?”

“Because I wouldn’t do that to Seth, I couldn’t.”

“Your family has been doing it for years, why should I believe you?”

“Because I love him,” Ryan blurted, surprised at his own out-loud confession. It was one thing to say it to Seth, but another entirely to tell his cousin.

Summer was silent for a few beats. “Do you mean that?”

Ryan shrugged and stared out the window before answering with a simple, “yeah.”

“Okay, I believe you,” she nodded, and that seemed all too easy to Ryan. “But if you do one thing to hurt him, I swear I’ll hunt you down and rip your balls off.”

Not doubting her for one minute, Ryan nodded. Then the door swung open and Seth climbed back inside and Summer edged the car back into traffic.

“Is everything okay?” Seth asked softly as they continued their journey. They were still about ten minutes away from Ryan’s neighborhood.

Ryan didn’t know where to begin with his thoughts and how to relay them to Seth. But what Summer had said was playing on his mind.

“Have I gotten you in really big trouble?” he asked, almost afraid of Seth’s answer.

“Dude,” Seth shook his head and reached across the seat to take Ryan’s hand. “It takes two to Tango. And, you know, other things.”

“They’re going to think that I’m using you to get information about them,” Ryan reiterated.

“How can they think that when they won’t tell me anything?” Seth reminded him, and Ryan sighed with exasperation. Seth wasn’t on his wavelength at the moment at all. “Look, Ryan. I know how this appears, and I know I’m about to go home and have the biggest fight I’ve ever had with my parents ever. But I don’t regret anything we’ve done this weekend, okay?”

“So what you said in the Jacuzzi?”

“Still stands. Call me after work tomorrow; I’ll have it all sorted by then.”

“You sound so confident,” Ryan told him.

“I’ve always been able to sort stuff out with the ‘rents. This will be no different.”

Ryan arched an eyebrow and looked at Seth incredulously. “The circumstances may be a little different here.”

“Maybe, but we’ll get there.”

They soon pulled up across the road from Ryan’s house. Seth hesitated to let go of Ryan’s hand, despite Ryan’s protests that he had to get inside before any of his relatives came out to look at the fancy car sidling outside. Seth leaned in to give Ryan a quick kiss before he got out of the car, and Ryan could feel Seth’s hand shaking against the side of his face where he was caressing it. He knew that his bravado was an act to make Ryan not worry about him.

“Call me, let me know how it goes,” Ryan instructed him and Seth nodded in reply.

He crossed the road to his house, watching Seth climb out of the car to take a seat in the front with Summer, giving him one last wave before they drove off.

Ryan watched until the car turned down the next street, then took a deep breath before entering his own house. He was worried about what might lay ahead for Seth; but maybe he should have been more worried about what lay ahead for himself.

***

When Seth returned to his house, it was to subdued faces; the anger of earlier seemed to have dissipated somewhat.

“Has Summer gone home?” Sandy asked as Seth reluctantly took a seat around the kitchen table across from his parents. His Mom was slumped at the head of the table, looking dejected, his father diagonally opposite her looking pale and exhausted.

“She just dropped me off,” Seth told him, wondering how this fight was going to start. Despite everyone looking worn out, he knew it wouldn’t take much for the conversation to become heated.

“Well, I guess we have some things to discuss,” Sandy started, Kirsten looking at her nails to avoid making eye contact with her family.

“I guess we do,” Seth agreed forlornly.

They continued to sit in silence, Kirsten examining her cuticles, Sandy squeezing his coffee mug, and Seth scratching at his arm, none of them seemingly knowing where to start.

“So what do we talk about first?” Sandy asked, opening it up.

“I know the two of you are probably more interested in the events of my life right now, but I’d really, really like to know why I found nineteen bottles of alcohol hidden around the house,” Seth started, venom starting to creep into his speech.

“I’ve already explained this to your father,” Kirsten started, finally breaking her silence.

“Do you have any idea how mortifying it is, finding all of that?” Seth asked.

“As mortifying as finding your son making out with another boy in the Jacuzzi?” Kirsten questioned. They certainly were not letting each other off the hook.

“Hey!” Sandy called out before the argument got more heated. “One issue at a time. Kirsten, tell him what you told me.”

Kirsten looked up to the ceiling as if she was calling upon divine intervention or something. “I’ve started drinking again,”

“Well duh,” Seth mumbled under his breath, earning him a harsh Seth from his father.

“Not as much as I was earlier this year. It’s why I started buying the tiny bottles. I’d have one of them to calm myself down, whereas if I had a large bottle, half would be gone before I’d have a chance to blink. I’m getting better though, Seth. I promise.” Kirsten’s voice had an almost pleading quality to it, and for a second Seth forgot that his Mom was just as angry at him, that he had his own explaining to do.

“But you promised you were going to stop. You promised me, you promised Dad,” Seth trailed off.

“I know, and I know I betrayed that trust. But Seth, you are the last person right now that can play the betrayal card.” Kirsten’s voice turned sharp, like she suddenly remembered that she caught her son’s tongue down Ryan Atwood’s throat.

“It’s not like I wanted you to catch us,” Seth protested. “You weren’t supposed to be home for hours yet.”

“Your mother was having a hard time and we decided to opt out early. And just as well that we did. Do you have any idea how serious this is, Seth?” Sandy spoke up. Seth liked it better when he was playing mediator.

“I know you think it’s serious, but it really, really isn’t,” Seth defended. “I know you guys have this long and feuding battle with the Atwood’s, but it’s really nothing to do with Ryan and me. Nothing at all.”

“How do you know that, Seth?” Sandy questioned. “How do you know that he isn’t using you to get information about us? It was bad enough when I thought you were just friends with one of them.”

Kirsten turned an accusing eye on her husband. “You knew about this? Before now?”

“Not in so many words,” Sandy explained. “I assumed, correctly, that he was friends with someone connected to the Atwood’s. And I thought I had been assured that the friendship was ceasing.”

Seth felt his father’s disapproving gaze fall over him like a wet blanket. “And until this weekend it had been. But Dad, you don’t get it. It’s not like that, he’s not using me!”

“You have no idea what lengths that family would go to for information,” he explained.

“Well if all Ryan wanted to get was information, he went pretty damned far to get it,” Seth threw back, knowing what he was insinuating to his parents, what he was practically admitting to them. “I don’t think anyone would go quite that far.”

He didn’t know whether to feel smug or disappointed at the look of disgust that crept across his father’s face, or the wide-eyed look on his mother’s. But hell, she’d caught them naked and making out in the Jacuzzi, surely the knowledge that they were sleeping together couldn’t have been a far stretch from that.

“And so, what, he was with you twenty-four/seven and never once left your side to sneak into the home office without you realizing?”

“Pretty much,” Seth countered.

“So he couldn’t have snuck off while you were sleeping? In the bathroom?”

“He slept in my bed next to the wall, there was no way he could have gone anywhere without me noticing. And neither of us went to the bathroom for long enough for anyone to have gone into the office, poked around, and gotten back to bed or the couch.”

“And I suppose you showered together too?” Sandy asked like it was an impossibility.

“Do you really want me to answer that question?” Seth challenged, and Sandy shook his head in dismay. Seth didn’t mention the hour and a half he had left Ryan on his own while he had his freak-out about finding all of that alcohol in the house. Because it was redundant. Seth knew that there was no way that Ryan had looked for any information, he wasn’t like that. He wasn’t devious and he honest to God loved Seth.

“I’m dreading telling your grandfather about this,” Sandy muttered bitterly and Seth’s head shot up.

“Why do you have to tell Grandpa?” he questioned.

“Because this is a serious security breach, Seth,” Kirsten piped back in. “We’ve just spent the weekend trying to work out where there could be possible leaks in the organization and sealing them up, and here you are sleeping with the enemy the whole time.”

“Ryan isn’t the enemy!” Seth tried to stress again. “He’s just Ryan, okay?”

“He’s an Atwood; you knew he was an Atwood, but you brought him into our house anyway. You knew the history, you know what trouble The Newport Group is in, yet here he was and had been all weekend. No, Seth. This is serious, this is very serious, and if you can’t understand that, then I’ve got no idea what we’re going to do with you.” Sandy sighed.

“You’re not to see that boy again,” Kirsten reprimanded.

“You can’t make me do that,” Seth said defiantly.

“I can and I will. If you have any little tiny piece of loyalty for your family left, you’ll respect that.”

“You can’t make me not see him. I’m an adult, he’s my boyfriend, and I’m going to see him,” Seth protested.

“Your Mom’s right. Until this all gets settled, you can’t go near him.”

“Until it gets settled? Sandy, I’m talking about forever here,” Kirsten interrupted.

“You can argue with each other as much as you like, I will be seeing him.” Seth stood up from the table and went to walk off.

“Don’t think you’re going anywhere,” Sandy called after him, snatching Seth’s car keys and cell from the table where he had left them lying. “You’re under house arrest until we say you can be trusted enough to go out again.”

Seth spun on his heel to face his parents. “Excuse me?”

“You heard me,” Sandy said simply, pocketing the keys and opening the back of his phone to remove the battery and SIM card. “When you have proved that you can be trusted again, we’ll give you your things back.”

“I’m eighteen!” Seth reminded them.

“Let us know when you want to start acting it again,” Sandy said with a degree of finality. As Seth marched to his room he heard his Dad tell his Mom that he had to contact their attorney, but Seth couldn’t hear it for his own heavy footsteps.

They couldn’t keep him away from Ryan. Not again.

***

It was hell. It was all absolutely hell. Seth’s Dad had confiscated his cell phone, so Seth couldn’t call Ryan to tell him what had happened. And Seth would totally use the landline, but he had never gotten around to knowing Ryan’s cell number by heart. He never needed to, seeing as it was programmed into his goddamned phone. And it’s not like Ryan had a computer at home or internet access or anything, so he couldn’t jump on AIM to let him know that he was okay.

So Ryan was probably already slightly worried that something had happened to Seth when he didn’t get a call last night. And what would happen tonight, when Ryan got off work and called Seth and Seth didn’t answer because his Dad had his fucking cell? Seth just hoped that Ryan was secure enough in their relationship to know that Seth wouldn’t leave him again, wouldn’t break up with him again.

His parents totally sucked.

They were even tag-teaming at home to make sure that Seth wasn’t left alone to sneak out and have a secret rendezvous; his Mom at home in the morning while his Dad had a meeting, his Dad returning a few hours later to allow his Mom to go to the office.

So that left Seth with nothing to do but lie on his bed and mope and reflect on how good everything had been up until Sunday morning when his Mom had walked in on them kissing. Jesus and Moses, if she had walked in about fifteen minutes later she would have seen a whole lot more. Things had been heating up rather quickly.

There was a knock at his bedroom door that Seth chose to ignore. He knew that giving his parents the silent treatment wasn’t exactly proving to them that he was an adult who could be trusted, but it was the best plan he could come up with.

“Seth?” He was surprised to see Summer poke her head around the door. She took one look around the room and screwed her nose up. “Ugh, why is it every time I come into your room lately, you’ve got your emo on?”

“Because every time you’re here it’s because my parents are trying to ruin my life,” he told her dramatically.

“Well let me save you before you slash your wrists,” Summer said, switching his music off and pulling him up from the bed.

“Uh, Summer. I’m not sure if you’ve noticed or not, but I’m kinda under house arrest. There’s no way my Dad is ever going to let me out of the house right now.”

Summer rolled her eyes like Seth was the biggest loser ever. “Did you even wonder why I’m over here, Cohen? Your parents have some big meeting at the office and asked me to come and babysit your busted ass.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, and I can’t be cooped up on a glorious day like this. So come on, let’s go.”

“You know my parents will kill you if they find out,” Seth warned. There was no sense in the two of them being in the dog house after all.

“Which is why we have to leave now so we’ll be back before they are,” Summer told him, dragging him down the stairs and out the door.

He didn’t bother to ask her where they were going. Because, seriously, he was just happy to be out of the house. It’s funny how you don’t mind being housebound until someone tells you that you can’t leave.

But really, Summer must have been shooting for the Best Cousin of the Year award or something, because the next thing he knew, she pulled up outside The Crab Shack and told him that he had a half hour before she came back to get him.

It was with slight trepidation that Seth pushed the doors open to the restaurant, and he carefully scoured the wait staff for any sign of his boyfriend. It was two-thirty in the afternoon and not very busy, but he couldn’t spot Ryan anywhere.

Seth didn’t recognize the person working behind the bar, but asked if he could speak to Ryan anyway. Ben, as his nametag read, looked at him skeptically and told him that Ryan was too busy at the moment to come out the front. Which was a fair and valid point, but he figured he only had about twenty-seven more minutes before Summer arrived to squire him home, and he needed to reassure Ryan that he still wanted to be with him.

“Please, just for a few minutes. Tell him Seth is here and needs to speak with him.”

Ben sighed like he was the most put-upon individual in the history of the world, but disappeared into the kitchen anyway. He returned a few minutes later, when Seth only had twenty-five minutes left, and told Seth to meet Ryan outside and around the back.

Seth zipped outside and had approximately twenty-three minutes left when he spotted Ryan and had to do a double-take. Ryan’s right eye was swollen shut, his bruised face hiding his classic good looks, and he looked nothing but awkward, trying to inhale his cigarette through swollen and cut lips.

“What the fuck?” Seth muttered when he reached him, fingertips loosely trailing his face while Ryan flinched and pulled away. “Ryan, talk to me, man.”

Ryan took a large drag on his cigarette and blew the smoke into the air.

“I kind of got into a fight yesterday,” he revealed.

“Kind of? Fuck, Ryan. Who with? A bear?” Seth reached out for him, but Ryan stood at a distance.

“My dad,” Ryan said simply.

“But how? Why?” Seth asked, brows furrowed and totally at a loss. Seth reached out to grab the hand Ryan wasn’t holding his cigarette with, and although Ryan visibly winced, he didn’t pull it back. Seth lightly ran his lips across the bruised knuckles, and was trying to be comforted by the knowledge that Ryan may have been pretty beat up, but from the looks of his hand, he managed to throw a few decent punches as well.

“You remember in the cab, on the way to your house on Friday? You said that you wouldn’t be a Nichol for the night if I wouldn’t be an Atwood?” Ryan asked.

Seth nodded. “Then we made out in the backseat. How could I forget? It was the first time I could get my lips on you in ages.”

“Yeah, well, the taxi driver only moonlights as a taxi driver,” Ryan revealed. “During the day, he works construction with my father.”

“Holy shit,” Seth mumbled.

“Yeah, well,” Ryan shrugged his shoulders.

“I’m so sorry, Ryan. It’s all my fault.” Seth felt awful. He had been so absorbed with getting Ryan into his bed that he had completely ignored everyone and everything around them.

“What was it you said yesterday about it taking two to Tango?” Ryan questioned. “It was bad enough for my dad that one of his sons was a fag, but with a Nichol? I don’t think I’ve ever seen him so angry.”

“Did you go to the ER? Has a doctor looked over you?” Seth asked, concerned.

“Theresa’s Mom looked after me. She’s a nurse. I have a fair bit of bruising, but no broken ribs. And I never lost consciousness, so I shouldn’t have any head injuries or anything.”

“God, and I thought my parents reacted badly,” Seth whispered as he leaned forward to lightly kiss the cuts and bruises on Ryan’s face.

“How did that go? I had to turn my phone off because Trey wouldn’t leave me alone last night.”

“As expected. I’m currently phone-less and under house arrest. Summer’s snuck me out but I only have about ten minutes until she comes to get me,” Seth told him. “I’m so sorry about all of this, Ryan.”

“It’s not your fault I come from a fucked up family,” Ryan interrupted.

“I know, but if I had’ve just kept my mouth shut, kept my hands to myself…”

“Then I would have been the one molesting you. Seriously Seth, don’t blame yourself for this. We both were feeling desperate, we both couldn’t keep our hands away from each other.”

They stood there in silence and Seth was at a loss as to what to do. It was clear that they were both in pretty desperate situations, Ryan more so than Seth. But he only had around eight minutes to sort this out before Summer came to get him, and he was positive that Ryan should have been back at work ten minutes ago.

“So are you here to tell me that it’s over again?” Ryan asked, stubbing out his second cigarette with his foot. Seth couldn’t gauge his mood. His tone gave nothing away. It was like he was resigned to the fact that they couldn’t be together. Or maybe worse. Maybe after everything that had happened, Ryan didn’t want to be with Seth anymore.

“Did you want it to be over?” Seth asked cautiously, and noted Ryan’s head dropping a little as he asked. “Because, dude. I meant what I said over the weekend. I want to be with you. This doesn’t change anything for me. Have you changed your mind?”

Ryan let out a long breath and seemed to relax a little. Seth hadn’t even realized how uptight and defensive Ryan had seemed until that point.

“Ryan?” Seth said meekly, and stepped in closer to him, carefully grabbing him into a loose embrace, trying to be mindful of injuries that his work uniform was concealing. He felt Ryan wind his arms behind Seth’s back and hold on tight, a shudder going through his body. “It’s okay,” he tried to soothe.

“I had to leave my family,” Ryan whispered. “I thought you were going to leave me too.”

“No way. I can’t go through that again. Especially not after all we said and did this weekend.”

Seth reluctantly started to pull away from Ryan and gently cupped his face to rain kisses against his jaw. “Summer will be back any minute.”

“And I have to get back to work,” Ryan nodded, dropping a light kiss on Seth’s lips, like it hurt him to press any harder.

“Where are you staying right now?” Seth asked.

“I’m staying with a friend of Dom’s tonight. Somewhere my Dad and Trey won’t think to look.”

“And after that?” Seth asked, concern and the beginnings of a plan lacing his words.

Ryan shrugged. “Tomorrow is my last shift here. I was supposed to start work with my Dad on Wednesday. But now I’m thinking I need to skip town.”

“You don’t have a computer, I don’t have a phone, and I’m being guarded by my parents twenty-four/seven,” Seth trailed off. “What about Berkeley?”

Ryan tiredly ran a hand through his hair. “I don’t know about Berkeley now, Seth,”

“No! You’re going to college, you have to!” Seth told him forcefully, then changed his tone. “I mean now, let’s go to Berkeley now.”

“Now?”

“Yeah. I mean, I’m under house arrest. If my Mom had her way, we’d never see each other again. I’m not going to spend the next three months of my vacation cooped up inside not enjoying myself. Seriously, Ryan. Let’s go.”

Ryan’s good eye was trying to stare through Seth, but his resolve was not going to crumble. This was the perfect solution. They could be together, hundreds of miles away from their families. They could be happy and have a life together, and most importantly, he could keep Ryan safe.

“You’re serious about this?”

“Didn’t I tell you that?”

“I have to work tomorrow. I mean, they’re keeping me in the kitchen so the customers can’t see my face, but they’re short staffed and they need me.”

“So Wednesday, then.” The plan was already forming in Seth’s mind. “That will give me a day to search for the spare key to my car, pack some stuff up. I’ll come and get you early in the morning. While my parents are still sleeping.”

Ryan nodded as he was considering it. “Do you realize how much you’ll be giving up by doing this?”

“Yeah,” Seth answered truthfully. “But you’re worth it.”

They quickly hashed out plans for Seth to meet Ryan in the restaurant parking lot at five on Wednesday morning, and snuck in one last desperate kiss just as Summer rounded the corner to get Seth back to the Jeep.

“Get a room, sheesh!” She scolded, but Seth could detect the smile underneath the scowl.

***

“Thank you,” Seth said sincerely as Summer drove them back to the house.

“Don’t mention it,” Summer said, signaling as she turned left.

“Look, I know you put your own neck on the line to help me resolve things with Ryan. I don’t know why you did, but thanks.”

Summer sighed. “To tell you the honest truth, I don’t know why I did either. I guess after years of thinking you were just my dorky burden of a cousin, I realized that you’re actually a decent human being.”

“Well, thanks,” Seth sarcastically replied.

“Besides I felt a little guilty,” Summer confessed a little uneasily.

“Why?”

“Because I hated that you were with Ryan. I was so worried the whole time that something would happen to you because of it, and I would get in massive trouble from Kiki and Sandy because I knew and I let you get hurt. And I thought that Ryan was using you,” she added before making another turn in the traffic. “Then I got talking to Dom,”

“Hang on. Dom? As in Dom Dom? Ryan’s cousin, Dom?”

“Don’t sound so surprised. He watched you and Ryan walk out of the party on Friday night all over each other, just like I did. I think at first he was trying to come onto me, because he stressed about a million times that he was only related to Ryan on the non-Atwood side of the family. But then he let it slip that Ryan was just as pathetically in love with you as you are with him, and we just got to talking about it all.”

“Hmm, that’s, uh, odd.” Seth couldn’t think of anything else to say.

“And despite all of that and all that he told me, I let the two of you get caught yesterday.”

“No, Summer, you couldn’t have known,” Seth interrupted.

“Actually, I did. Because Dom and I swapped numbers that night, and he sent me a message to tell me that Ryan told him that he was staying the weekend at your house. I knew, and I didn’t try and do anything to warn you that your parents were coming home early. In a way, I was actually kind of relieved that you were going to be found out.”

“Wow.” Seth was taken aback and totally lost for words. He felt a mixture of confusion, anger, frustration, and finally, resignation. This is why Summer confused him so much. She could be so accepting and nice one minute, and totally the opposite the next. She knowingly didn’t give him any warning about the early return of his parents, effectively feeding him to the wolves, but now she delivered him to his boyfriend to try and make up for it.

“And then when you were in the gas station yesterday, Ryan pretty much confessed his undying love for you,”

“He did?” Seth was surprised to hear that.

“Well not in so many words. He’s not much of a talker, is he?”

“He can be,” Seth recalled, then turned his face into a smirk despite the fact that he was still a little pissed off with Summer. “He can be very vocal when he wants to be.”

“Eww, Cohen!” Summer protested, and Seth couldn’t help but laugh. “So am I forgiven?”

Seth sighed and looked out the window. Really, at the end of the day, even if Summer had been able to give him some sort of warning, he probably would’ve still been occupied in the hot tub and not anywhere near his cell.

“I think you’ve made up for it. But thanks, for telling me. It, uh, it means a lot. You’re not the worst cousin in the world,” Seth told her.

“Are we having a moment?” Summer asked, her voice sickeningly sweet. “Oh my God, we are totally having a moment.”

“Shut up.” Seth smirked, pushing at her as she turned into the Cohen’s driveway, ensuring that she parked in exactly the same spot as she had earlier.

Seth hopped out of the passenger side and looked over the house he had grown up in with a sense of nostalgia. Now that he knew he only had two more nights under that roof, he tried to take in everything that it was, not everything that he had taken for granted since he moved in at age three.

***

Seth spent his final day in his childhood home with a bittersweet feeling. His parents were still upset with him, and the one time that they had tried to have a normal conversation ended with Kirsten telling Seth to get a sense of family, and Seth telling her to go to rehab and stop lying to them all.

He found his car keys in about five minutes, his father predictably hiding them in the safe, with the code predictably being a combination of their birthdays, 091230. He left them in there so as not to arouse suspicion. For most of the day, he locked himself in his room, furtively packing a suitcase with his favorite clothes, then another with his favorite CDs, DVDs, books, and accessories. He knew he couldn’t take everything with him, but he packed as much as he could.

Knowing that the next morning he would be leaving, he sat at the table and had an uncomfortable dinner with his parents, until his Mom got called away by their attorney, pulling his dad into the home office a minute later, away from Seth’s traitorous ears.

When his alarm went off at four-thirty the next morning, he quietly pulled on his clothes and grabbed the two large suitcases, carefully tip-toeing down the stairs and out the back door so his parent’s wouldn’t wake to hear the front door close. After depositing the second suitcase by the car, Seth went back inside, hitting the combination to the safe to retrieve his keys. Then, leaving a note on the kitchen table, he said goodbye to the only home he ever remembered.

In the car, Seth released the parking brake, and let the car silently edge down the slope of the driveway onto the road, only turning on the engine once he was out on the road. He didn’t allow himself to look back as he drove towards The Crab Shack. He knew he had made the right decision. Things were tense in his house, and his parents didn’t trust him enough to leave him alone for two minutes. He couldn’t put up with a whole summer being like that, especially when he was an adult. It was time to cut the apron strings and the bubble of protection they had enclosed him in since birth. It was time to let go of his sheltered past and ride into the future. A future he wanted to share with Ryan.

Dom’s car was waiting in the parking lot when Seth arrived, the passenger and driver side door opening as Seth pulled in next to it. He got out and greeted Dom with a quick and manly hug, then a kiss and more of a tender hug for his boyfriend.

“You came,” Ryan said simply.

“You thought I wouldn’t?” Seth grinned back.

Dom finished loading Ryan’s meager belongings into the trunk of his car while Seth examined Ryan’s face in the glow of the headlights. The swelling had gone down and the bruising was fading to a purple-yellow color.

“How do you feel?” Seth asked.

“Better. You?”

Seth let a grin take over his features. “Better.”

He stood aside as Ryan said goodbye to his cousin. Seth knew that this was the hardest part for Ryan, saying goodbye to the one relative he cared about most. When they were done, Seth stepped towards Dom and thanked him for being so awesome about everything over the past few months. Dom shook his hand and grinned, warning Seth that if he hurt Ryan, he would track him down and kick his ass.

They waved goodbye to Dom as they headed out onto the main road. They didn’t speak a word to each other for the first thirty minutes, the two of them wrapped up in their own versions of goodbye to a town that hadn’t treated either of them with the utmost respect. Once they were on the highway, Seth reached out to grab Ryan’s hand and they drove towards the sunrise, into their future.

***

_Dear Mom and Dad,_

_I know things haven’t been the best between us lately, and I’m sorry for that, I am. But I fell in love and I can’t spend a whole summer confined to these walls, missing him. I know you have a lot on your plate at the moment, and I appreciate that you probably have your own reasons for never cluing me into what’s going on, but I think while things are like they are, it’s probably best that I get away for a while so you don’t have to watch what you do and say around me._

_Don’t think of this as another Atwood driving another Nichol away. It’s not like that. It’s just me deciding that I need some space, need to be on my own two feet, need to be the adult you’re not letting me be._

_This isn’t goodbye, not by a long shot. If you want to get in contact with me, you know my email address, and if you’re ever in Berkeley, look me up._

_I love you both and just want what’s best for everyone. At the moment, this seems the only way._

_Always,  
Seth_

 

**REASON IS TREASON – CHAPTER SIXTEEN**

 

It took them ten hours to arrive in Berkeley. Having only ever flown to San Francisco previously, Seth insisted that they drive along the coast instead of the more direct route, and even Ryan had to admit that it was more pleasant. The only time his family had ever made the road trip to San Francisco, they went the direct route so they could stop in Fresno to stay with his Mom’s relatives for a night. As much as Ryan loved Dom, the rest of her relatives were just weird.

They stopped at roadside diners in both Santa Maria and Santa Cruz. It gave them a chance to regularly shake out cramped legs and get some food, even though neither of the boys were particularly hungry. The enormity of what they were doing seemed to have suppressed their appetite.

The first half-hour of the journey was spent in silence, save for the Foo Fighters softly emanating from the speakers. When Seth did speak, it was just to suggest that they take the coastal route to Berkeley, and Ryan nodded in agreement before the car plunged into silence yet again.

Naturally, it was Seth who was the first to break it, asking Ryan if he wanted to stop for coffee when they got to Santa Barbara. Ryan looked away from the road and towards Seth, realizing for the first time that the pounding in his head was probably due to the lack of caffeine and not because he was worried that the absence of Seth’s babbling was because he was beginning to realize that he was making the biggest mistake of his life.

“Please.” 

Ryan watched as Seth got out of the car and headed into the small diner. God, he was screwed. Life had been a big fuck up since his Dad and brother saw him get out of Summer’s car. Trey may not have landed a punch, he left that to their Dad, but he made it extremely clear to him what he would do if he ever caught him with Seth ever again. Ryan had to skip town, he had no choice.

But Seth did. Sure, his parents were angry with him, but they loved him. They would never threaten physical harm or kick him out of the mansion. If Ryan just cleared out of his life, things would be back to normal in no time and Seth could have his family back.

His gloomy thoughts were interrupted by Seth tapping on the window with a finger.

“Your latte.” Seth handed it to him when Ryan wound the window down.

“Thanks.” Ryan tried to give a half smile and took the cup offered to him. Seth walked around to the other side of the car and slid into the driver’s seat.

“Ryan, are you freaking out?” Seth inquired, eyebrow raised, a hint of amusement in his tone. “You’re totally freaking out!”

“No I’m not,” Ryan said dismissively.

“You are. You’re doing the whole staring, jaw twitchy thing you do when you’re freaking out but you don’t want anyone to see.”

“Leave it alone, Seth,” Ryan said tiredly.

“No, Ryan,” and just like that Seth’s tone went from playful to serious. “We’ve spent the last two hours barely saying a word to each other. If you’re freaking out about this and want to go back, we can do that.”

Ryan shook his head. “I can’t go back, Seth. You know that,” he took a deep breath. “But you can. You can go back and work in the comic book store and be the good son…”

“And be totally miserable. Yeah, I know,” Seth interjected. “You think I haven’t thought about all of this, Ryan?”

Ryan knew Seth was waiting for him to say something, but all he could do was shrug his shoulders and take another sip of his coffee.

“I know this isn’t exactly an ideal situation. But I know that we’re doing what’s best for us,” Seth paused, seemingly waiting for Ryan to meet his eyes. When he did, he continued. “Dude, I love you. We’re doing the right thing.”

Ryan managed a weak smile at Seth’s words and took another mouthful of his coffee to try and quash the warm feeling that spread through his chest whenever Seth spoke those three little words. Part of him still thought that he didn’t deserve someone like Seth. He was almost afraid that if he started taking his love for granted, he would lose it.

“As long as you’re sure,” Ryan murmured.

Seth nodded as he played with his GPS. “Then let’s get this show on the road. Next stop, Santa Maria.”

“Santa Maria?”

“Totally, dude. We are going to stop at every city with the word Santa in the title. It will be like, a present to ourselves.”

Ryan couldn’t help but let out a little snort at that, and he placed a warm hand on Seth’s thigh and gave it a squeeze. If Seth was okay with it, then he was okay with it.

“Okay, let’s get back on the road.”

***

“Man, this sucks,” Seth lamented as he dropped in the seat across from Ryan, taking a large sip of his mocha frappuccino with extra whipped cream. They were sitting in a Starbucks trying to recharge after a miserable day of apartment hunting.

“That second to last place was okay,” Ryan tried to reason, sipping on his java chip frappuccino.

“The cockroach place?” Seth questioned.

“There were two cockroaches,” Ryan pointed out, but Seth wasn’t having any of that.

“Which meant there was a nest nearby. Nuh-uh, it’s bad enough that we’re living in a hostel right now, I can’t come home to roaches every night.”

Ryan sighed and reached into his bag for the list of apartments they had written down to check out. All had been crossed off except for three, and they were going to be visiting those after they were finished at Starbucks. If those were also duds, he wasn’t sure what they were going to do other than live at the hostel all of summer and hope that a few dorm beds opened up on-campus.

When they had finally reached Berkeley two days before, they sat down on their dorm beds in an aging hostel to discuss what they were going to do about their housing situation, or lack thereof. Ryan had just over two thousand dollars in savings from working at The Crab Shack, and Seth still had ten thousand from his eighteenth birthday. Definitely enough to set them up in a nice place for a little while, but for some reason Ryan was dead-set against them squandering all of Seth’s money.

Using Seth’s laptop and the Excel program (and thank Jesus and Moses that Seth had remembered his battery charger), Ryan hashed out a spreadsheet of expected income and expenses, and came to the conclusion that they could afford a studio or one-bedroom apartment if they were able to find employment. Unfortunately, the apartments within their price range were hardly what Seth would describe as ‘desirable’.

“You need to be less picky,” Ryan told him. “Or else we’ll be living in those twin singles for a long time.”

Seth pouted at the thought. One of the reasons running off to Berkeley had been so appealing was the thought of sharing a bed with Ryan Atwood every single night. So far this hadn’t happened.

“I’ll be less picky if you can be more so. Seriously, you’d be happy to live in that cockroach place?” Seth asked.

Ryan sighed again and ran a tired hand down his face. “No, I hated the cockroach place too. I just want to find somewhere, man. Get our lives back on track, you know?”

Seth nodded, because he did know. He wanted to find a place to move into, get a job, buy a new phone so he could at least contact Summer. He wanted to go grocery shopping and buy some furniture and do all of the stuff that he never had to do while living under his parent’s roof.

“Hi guys, sorry to interrupt,” the petite girl who had served their drinks cut in. “But I couldn’t help but overhear that you’re looking for somewhere to live?”

“We are, do you know of some places?” Seth asked.

“I know of a place, but it depends on what you’re looking for,” she continued.

“We can pretty much only afford a studio or one bedroom apartment,” Ryan jumped in. “Close to campus would be nice, but we’re not holding our hopes too high.”

“Well I know a girl who owns her own apartment here. One bedroom, about a twenty minute walk to campus. She has to move back to Texas for a little while and I know she’s pretty desperate to lease it to someone who can move in now. It’s small, but it’s clean and the building’s pretty nice. A lot of students during the semester, but as they’re all mainly one bedroom apartments no one tends to have a lot of parties.”

“That sounds great. Do you know how much she wants to charge for rent?” Seth asked.

“Let me give her a call, see if it’s still free,” she said, walking behind the counter.

Seth shot Ryan a cautiously optimistic look. 

“What?” Ryan asked.

“I have a good feeling about this.” Seth told him, grinning across at him. Ryan replied by throwing a skeptical look his way. “No eyes of doom, Ryan. Think positively.”

“You made me think positively all weekend and look where that got us,” Ryan pointed out.

“Living together far away from the stresses of our lives? See, everything just needs a positive spin,” Seth told him as the waitress returned to their table.

“Well, the apartment is still free, and Sherri is more than happy to negotiate rent for the right people.”

***

“So you see, there’s nothing much to it, but it’s mine and I love it and I really don’t want to leave it all alone, but I have got to get back to my mother.” Sherri talked at a mile a minute and Ryan would have had trouble keeping up if it wasn’t for the fact that Seth Cohen was his boyfriend.

There really wasn’t anything much to the apartment. Essentially it was two rooms. The front door opened into the living room, and at the end of the room was a compact, but modern kitchen. The door off the kitchen led to the bedroom, which had a small bathroom tucked at the side. But it was clean, the carpets looked only to be a few years old, and there wasn’t a hint of an insect anywhere.

“My dad bought it for me when I was in my sophomore year. Well, he paid the deposit for me and he’s paying for some of the mortgage payments. Kind of an I’m sorry I’m divorcing your Mom and hooking up with someone your age present, you know?” Sherri continued to babble as she stuffed clothes into a suitcase. “And it was great because my wage at the restaurant covers my share of the mortgage and I really want to settle here, complete my post-grad here. But now my mom’s sick and I have to go to Texas for at least the first semester and help look after her while she’s having chemo but I can’t afford to keep up the payments when I’ll only be able to work part-time back in Texas, and the people that have looked at the place so far can’t move in for another three months and I need the money now, and…”

“Sherri,” Ryan interrupted her, having had some practice with rambling in the past. “Breathe.”

He watched as Sherri inhaled and exhaled, and finally, she looked up at Ryan. “Thanks for that. I guess I have been kind of tense since my Mom got diagnosed, you know?”

Ryan threw a sideways glance at Seth who stepped up to help Ryan out of the awkward conversation.

“We really like the apartment, don’t we Ryan?” Seth said, staring at him.

“Yeah, it seems like a great place.”

“Yeah, but we’re kind of on a budget, so what price were you thinking on?”

What Sherri wanted for the apartment was at the top end of what they were hoping to get, but not unreasonable. Especially seeing as how much nicer it was than any other apartment they’d been to over the past few days.

“And I can really only guarantee you can have it for this semester, but I’ll let you know as soon as I can so you can scout out another place.”

Ryan caught Seth’s eye and they nodded at each other in silent understanding that they wanted to take the apartment, and Ryan wondered when he was suddenly able to read his mind like that.

“We’ll take it,” Ryan told her, and the look of relief in Sherri’s eyes made him smile.

“Thank you, thank you. I know you guys will take good care of it. My flight leaves tomorrow morning, and hell,” she broke off, grabbing her keys and twisting two of them off the ring. “You can move in tomorrow as far as I’m concerned. I’ll get some paperwork drawn up when I get to Texas and email it to you.”

“That’s great, amazing.” Seth told her.

“Oh, and I hope that you don’t have any furniture, because I really don’t have any time to put this stuff in storage,” she added.

“So, it’s furnished?” Seth inquired.

“Well, all except the bed, because my boyfriend drove that to Texas last week. My mom lives in a two bedroom apartment with no guest bedroom and I don’t like the thought of sleeping on the couch for the next nine months, you know? Besides, I feel weird letting strangers sleep in my bed,” Sherri continued. “And the couch here folds out into a bed. It’s not the comfiest mattress in the world, but it’s done me okay for the past five nights.”

“We can buy a bed, that’s no big deal,” Ryan told her, making eye contact with Seth and nodding his head towards the door.

“Well, we should let you get back to packing,” Seth said, holding up the keys to the apartment. “And thanks. For the apartment.”

“No, thank you,” Sherri said, walking them towards the door. “Seriously guys, this is one less pressure on me. Just give me a buzz if you have any issues with the place.”

“Will do. Have a safe trip home, and I hope your mom recovers quickly.”

“You and me both, believe me,” Sherri sighed. “I’ll talk to you soon.”

The door closed, leaving Seth and Ryan in the hallway grinning at each other.

“We’ve got our own place,” Seth whispered, unable to believe how his life had turned one hundred and eighty degrees in a matter of days.

“We have our own place,” Ryan reiterated, crowding Seth against the wall and leaning in to capture his lips with his own.

Seth could get used to these kinds of kisses. The kisses where they don’t have to look around to ensure no one was looking at them; the ones that let them forget who they are and where they are so they can just concentrate on the feel of it. The feel of lips on lips, the caressing of tongues, the way Ryan’s thigh rubbed Seth in just the right way, his torso strong, holding him against the wall. They kissed until they were interrupted by a neighbor clearing their throat, and they blushed at each other sheepishly before leaving the building.

***

“No, Seth,” Ryan chided for what felt like the four-hundredth time.

“But Ryan,” Seth whined. “It’s down.”

“We can’t afford a down comforter, Seth. What is it? Like three-hundred dollars or something?”

Seth glanced down at the price tag. “Uh, try six.”

Ryan sighed and rubbed at the back of his neck. He knew coming to Bed, Bath & Beyond with Seth was a bad idea. Seth was used to down comforters, Egyptian cotton towels and thousand thread count sheets.

“Come on, Seth. You know we have a budget for this stuff.”

They had already spent five hundred dollars more on their bed than Ryan was hoping to pay. They had chosen a cheaper frame, but the mattress itself was double the quality that Ryan’s had been in Newport.

“You’re no fun.” Seth pouted and headed towards a towel display.

“Don’t even think about it, Seth,” Ryan warned as he saw him edge towards the more expensive towels.

“We can’t even have nice towels now?” Seth asked, throwing up his hands. “Can we actually have anything decent?”

Ryan closed his eyes and wondered if this would be the time that Seth realized he had made a huge mistake trying to live away from home. That he missed the comfort of his old life and wanted to move back.

“We’ve already outlaid a lot of money on the bed, and we still need to get food, and pay the first month’s rent.”

“And I have ten thousand dollars in my bank account that I am more than happy to spend on us,” Seth reminded him.

“Yes, but we’ve already spent a few thousand of it. Neither of us have had time to find a job yet, and we’ll have bills and school books, and eventually we’ll need to buy clothes. And what if something happens and we need money? We need an emergency fund as well.”

Seth sighed, resigned, and Ryan knew that he had gotten through to him. “I know, man. I do. I guess I just want us to have nice stuff, you know? I want us to have a place that we want to come home to.”

Ryan nodded as his boyfriend edged closer to him, linking his fingers in his belt loops and pulling him closer. Ryan looked him in the eye. “It will be. We don’t have to spend a million dollars for it to feel like ours, Seth.”

Ryan watched Seth take a deep breath and nod his head. “I know, I’m sorry. I know I railroaded you into getting that bed, I don’t mean to do it here as well.”

“We’ll be okay.” Ryan dropped a light kiss on Seth’s lips before he let him go. “Come on, let’s just grab what we need so we can move into our apartment before the bed gets delivered.”

“Our apartment,” Seth pondered the concept, smiling again as he grabbed a three-pack of towels for thirty dollars. “I like the sound of that.”

***

By the time the bed got delivered, they had washed and dried their new sheets and towels in the laundry room on the first floor of their building, and had almost finished unpacking their clothes.

The second they had finished tucking their three-hundred and sixty thread count sheets (a compromise between the thousand count and the two hundred count) around the mattress and dropped the pillows at the head of the bed, they were on each other, moving at a pace Seth could only describe as frenetic. Strong hands were pulling at belts and raising shirts. Teeth clashed and necks were bitten, but neither of them cared. Seth certainly didn’t. All he could think about was how much he wanted Ryan, needed him. Sharing a dorm at the hostel wasn’t exactly conducive to sex, especially with the never ending snoring of a certain British backpacker. But he forgot about all of that as Ryan’s thumbs flicked across his nipples, his fingertips delving under his boxers to grab his cock and start stroking.

Seth gasped as Ryan’s thumb brushed over the head, and he pulled at Ryan’s briefs to try and get him to kick them off, so he could feel him skin against skin. Ryan obliged and did the same to Seth until they were both completely naked, and Ryan pushed him onto the bed and straddled him. And really, Seth could never get tired of Ryan manhandling him. Ryan blanketed Seth, grinding into him, his lips attached to a certain section of his collarbone, and all Seth could do was gasp for breath and rake his fingernails down Ryan’s back, because Jesus and Moses, it all felt so good.

Ryan detached himself from Seth’s collarbone and went back to stroking his dick and licking and biting at his ear, and Seth was going into sensory overload as it was, without Ryan whispering in his ear “I need you inside me.”

“Holy fuck,” Seth groaned, biting down the impulse to thrust against Ryan until he came. He rolled over a little to be able to fish a condom and the lube from a shoe box under the bed. Not an easy feat with his boyfriend lying on top of him.

Ryan rolled them over so that Seth was on top and got his chance to leave marks all over his body. It was novel to be able to leave bites on his neck, usually they had a not above the collar rule. Ryan groaned as Seth started working him open, stretching him, and he may have only done this once, but the memory was etched into his brain. The memory of what Ryan liked, what he responded to, came flooding back, and Seth doubled his efforts, sliding his fingers in and out, playing with his balls, sucking at the head of his dick.

“I’m ready, Seth. Come on,” Ryan breathed, and Seth rolled on the condom and slicked himself with lube before pushing in, feeling Ryan’s legs wrap around his waist. It was even better than he remembered, the feel of Ryan surrounding him, squeezing him. “Come on, baby, harder,” Ryan instructed, and who was Seth to deny him?

Doing it face to face had its advantages. For one, Seth could see every emotion cross Ryan’s face, could see when he was in pain, could see when the expression slackened to that of pleasure. He thrust a little harder and felt Ryan meet him on every one. 

Seth wasn’t delusional; he knew what they were doing in bed right then was more about sending a fuck you to their families than the intimacy that sex brings. But right at that time, Seth couldn’t bring himself to care. He was balls deep inside the guy he loved, and he felt like he was finally letting go of the anger and resentment he had built up since his mother caught him making out with Ryan in their Jacuzzi.

He shifted Ryan’s knees back a little, and they both groaned at the change of angle. “Fuck, Seth. Right there.” His voice was raspy and fucked out and Seth felt that familiar feeling in the base of his spine. He kept trying to hit that spot inside him relentlessly while Ryan brought his hand to his own cock and started stroking in time to Seth’s steady thrusts. It wasn’t long before they were both coming hard.

“Look at me, baby,” Seth instructed in between breaths. “I want to see you when you come.”

Ryan kept his eyes open as he clenched around Seth, spilling over his own fist and stomach. The look on Ryan’s face, the widening of his blue eyes, the slackness of his jaw; it was enough to make Seth lose it right then.

“You called me _baby_.” Seth murmured later when he was lying sated and sleepy next to Ryan.

“Do you mind?” Ryan asked, his voice sounding completely fucked out.

“Sex like that, you can call me whatever the fuck you want,” Seth grinned, snuggling in closer. “But it’s cool. I kind of like it.”

Ryan pulled Seth closer to him and turned his head so he could drop a kiss on his forehead, and Seth couldn’t help but think that moving to Berkeley was the best decision he’d made in his life.

***

Ryan stepped out of the shower and blindly reached for his towel to find it not on the rack where he had left it that morning. Fucking Seth, he muttered under his breath as he picked Seth’s sodden towel from the floor, knowing that he must have used Ryan’s dry towel when he’d had his shower ten minutes earlier.

He padded into the bedroom, flinging droplets of water onto the carpet to retrieve another towel from the wardrobe and toweling off his hair before drying the rest of his body. He looked around the room and saw the towel he had been using previously in the week lying, wet from Seth’s use, on their bed, and picked it up to hang in the bathroom.

“Would it kill you to hang up your towel?” Ryan called out in frustration as he hastily brushed his teeth and got into his work uniform.

They had been living in Berkeley for a little over six weeks, and he was still trying to get used to Seth’s idiosyncrasies. For one, the guy was just plain lazy. Dinner dishes would sit on the counter for twenty-four hours after Ryan had cooked, wet towels would appear on the floor all over their small apartment, underwear and dirty clothes would be kicked into the corner of the bedroom rather than placed in the laundry hamper. And the one time Ryan let him go grocery shopping alone, Seth spent eighty dollars over budget, which formed the basis for their first real fight.

But make-up sex was hot, and make-up sex with Seth was even hotter, especially when he would take charge and sit in Ryan’s lap, fucking himself on his dick. Or when Seth discovered how much he liked rimming and Ryan’s brain nearly short circuited, forgetting every annoying thing Seth ever did. And sometimes, when Ryan came home exhausted from a late night at the Italian restaurant where he worked, Seth would be waiting up for him and give him a foot rub that would send him to sleep.

So really, living with Seth was pretty fucking good.

“Babe, are you ready to go to work?” Ryan called out as he slid his shoes and jacket on. Seth walked into the bedroom with his new prepaid phone pressed to his ear and signaled two minutes with his fingers. Ryan tapped his watch as if to say we don’t have two minutes you towel hogging freak, and Seth must have picked up on it because he told whoever was on the other end that he had to go because his boyfriend was pedantic about being places on time.

“Was that Summer?” Ryan asked as Seth quickly dressed for his own job at Barnes & Noble.

“Yeah, she was just filling me in on the latest from Grandpa. He got arrested yesterday.”

“They finally gathered enough evidence?” Ryan questioned, an odd feeling in his stomach. Caleb Nichol had been a family enemy ever since he was born. But now with his grandson being his lover, he wasn’t sure if he should feel happy or sad about his downfall.

“Must have. It feels weird, you know, to think about Grandpa in jail,” Seth lamented while he tied the laces on his Chuck Taylors. “I mean, he’s out on bail at the moment, but if he gets convicted it could be years before he gets out.”

“Do you think he will?”

“Get convicted? Dad seems to think so. Well, he did last time we spoke about it anyway.” Seth said with a far away look in his brown eyes like he sometimes got when he was missing his family. “Maybe things have changed since then.”

“Maybe.” Ryan tried to sound positive, but he was pretty sure he sounded as downbeat at Seth.

“Summer said that Trey is still looking for you,” Seth added, picking up his keys and wallet, heading towards the door.

“I know, he’s grilling Dom about it on a daily basis at the moment,” Ryan told him, heading down the stairs towards their car.

“Well he’s started on Scott and Mark now too. Summer’s under the impression that Trey thinks I’m hiding you, so now he’s trying to get to my cousins to find my whereabouts.” 

“Do they know?” Ryan asked, suddenly concerned.

“No way, dude. Summer said that Mom and Dad haven’t mentioned where I’ve gone to anyone. And I know that you’ve told Dom that you’re staying in California but nothing else,” Seth informed him, getting into the car and edging into traffic to make the short drive to the restaurant.

“How do you know that?” Ryan asked.

“Summer and Dom still keep in touch. Mainly to share information about us.” Seth’s expression turned curious. “Hey, you know how I told you about the whole family saga, you know, about how my Aunt Kelly is actually an Atwood and that makes you and Summer cousins?”

“Yeah?” Ryan replied cautiously.

“Well, if something was to say, happen, between Summer and Dom… They aren’t technically cousins or anything, are they?”

“No more than you and I are,” Ryan told him. “Wait, is something happening between Summer and Dom?”

“I don’t think so,” Seth replied. “But I speak with her at least once a week, and she does always seem to mention him.”

They were outside Ryan’s work before the conversation could go any further, and Ryan leaned over to give Seth a kiss before hopping out. “Have fun at work.”

“You too. Call me if you need me to pick you up.” Seth told him before driving off. He was finishing his shift at Barnes & Noble two hours before Ryan was due to finish.

“You know it only takes me fifteen minutes to walk,”

“But you’re on your feet all evening. Just let me know if you’re exhausted and I’ll come and get you.”

“Thanks,” Ryan grinned before jumping out of the car. He really did have a good boyfriend.

***

He never thought he would say this, but Seth loved his job.

Working at Barnes & Noble was kind of a lucky break. One of his and Ryan’s neighbors, a postgrad named Chloe, was a manager at the closest store to them, and told Seth that they were currently hiring. He was working thirty hours a week over the summer, and could scale those back when he had more of an idea of his class schedule.

He got to shelve books and give recommendations and talk to people all day. He got to work the music counter and was beginning to be known as the guy with the talent to be able to recommend music and books to people. _Are you a Death Cab fan? Then you totally need to listen to Radiohead. Billy Joel? Have you seen the DVD of him in concert with Elton John? You like reading Marian Keyes? Have you ever tried a Janet Evanovich?_

He was also getting the reputation of being able to charm customers, and it was getting to the point where his coworkers were sending their difficult ones his way. But his natural charm and effervescence seemed to win over even the most displeased person, and Seth could finish every shift knowing that he was earning every cent he was getting.

And that had to be the most satisfying thing of all. He was earning his own money. Money that was going towards the rent he was paying, and the food he was buying. He had to learn to live on a budget, and he totally made it through the last week under budget by ten dollars, which earned him a congratulatory blowjob, and Ryan didn’t yell at him about the dishes for two whole days. 

He was getting by without his parents money. He hadn’t touched the savings in his bank account since they finished setting up the apartment. He was covering his share of their living expenses, and putting some of it away, because Ryan was right. They wouldn’t be able to work this much once college started, so they needed to have money in reserve to avoid living on Ramen for a whole semester. Seth was totally learning about this real world stuff, and it was scary and he couldn’t have everything he wanted (as he discovered when Ryan made him return the new, bigger television he’d bought to replace Sherri’s tiny one), but he was living it. He was living with his boyfriend, going out for ice cream or a movie with him, not looking over his shoulder all the time.

Seth felt like he was finally being an adult.

And if felt good.

***

“You’re home early.” Seth pounced on Ryan as soon as he opened the door to the apartment, pushing him up against the wall and sucking on his neck.

“We weren’t busy, so John let me go early,” he explained as Seth’s teeth left indents in his skin. “Christ, Seth. No more hickeys, okay? I get enough shit from the girls at work as it is.” Ryan grinned and Seth made his way to his mouth, catching his bottom lip between his teeth and sucking. “What’s gotten into you today?”

“Bored, horny, missed you,” Seth mumbled. “You smell like restaurant.”

Ryan tried to extricate himself from his boyfriend, but Seth seemed determined to stay latched on. “Come on, Seth. I must smell like garlic. Let me grab a shower and get changed.”

“Okay,” Seth relented, stepping away from him. “But there’s no need for clothes when you’re done, seriously.”

Ryan grinned. Sometimes Seth had really good ideas. He wandered into the bedroom, stripping off his clothes and throwing them into the empty hamper. Hmm, that was unusual. Laundry day was another two days away. There was a fresh towel sitting on the dresser, and when he opened the top drawer, clean underwear and socks were piled high. Ryan glanced out the door at the kitchen, and saw that it was, for once, devoid of dirty dishes and all of the food had been put away.

“Aww honey, you cleaned?” Ryan said in a mocking voice.

“I didn’t even shrink any of our clothes.” Seth said proudly. “Now get in that shower, I changed the sheets and we need to defile them.”

Ryan grinned as he stepped under the warm spray, his dick twitching happily with the thoughts of how he and Seth were going to ruin the clean sheets. When he was done with the quickest wash ever, he dried himself off and wrapped the towel around his waist. He was surprised that Seth wasn’t already naked and waiting for him in bed, so he went into the living room to find him.

Seth was stripped down to his boxers, but he was sitting on the couch with the phone pressed to his ear, a look of concern on his face.

“And what are they saying?” Seth asked the person at the other end of the line. It obviously wasn’t a good conversation and Ryan wished he could hear the other side of it.

“But will he come out of it?” Seth paused. “I know, I’m sorry, it’s just. A shock. Do they know who did it?”

Ryan crept over to Seth’s side and took a seat next to him, but Seth wouldn’t look his way.

“No, no, for sure. As soon as we can.” He paused again. “I will. You just, get better quickly, okay?”

Seth hit the end button on his cell and shifted his concerned gaze to Ryan’s face. Ryan’s first thought was that no sheets were going to be defiled tonight, but that quickly changed to worry when he could see how pale Seth had become.

“Seth? Who was that?”

“Um. It was Summer. She’s, uh, been in a car accident. Someone ran her off the road,” Seth informed him.

“Oh my God, is she alright?” Ryan asked, his hand landing on Seth’s shoulder to try and offer some comfort.

“Her leg is broken in two places and she has some pretty bad whiplash. But she’s not the worst of it.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, there was someone else in the car with her. He’s not good. He’s in a coma,” Seth started, and Ryan was trying to wrack his brain as to who it could be. Seth’s dad, his uncle, one of his cousins?

“Who is?”

Seth took a deep breath and looked into Ryan’s eyes.

“It’s Dom.”

 

**REASON IS TREASON – CHAPTER SEVENTEEN**

Ryan hated hospitals. He hated the stench of them, a mixture of disinfectant and illness. He hated the sounds of hacking coughs, the whir of machines, and the occasional code blue call over the PA.

He hated that the only reason he ever had for going to the hospital involved someone he loved being hurt. His Mom when she had to have her gall bladder removed; Seth, when Trey gave him a concussion and broke his wrist; and now Dom.

Ryan slowed down as he and Seth neared the ICU. 

“Do you want me to come with you?” Seth asked gently.

Ryan shook his head. “I’ll be okay. Besides, they might not let you in.”

“I’m just going to be in Summer’s room,” Seth nodded and grabbed at Ryan’s hand, giving it a brief squeeze. “You’ll be okay?”

“Yeah,” Ryan took a deep breath and gave Seth a tight smile before pushing through the doors leading to the ICU.

He approached the nurse’s station with trepidation. Ryan may have only been living in Berkeley a little under two months, but being back in Newport, his home of eighteen years, felt strange and foreign already.

“Hi, I’m here to see Dom. Dominic Francis. My cousin.” Ryan announced to the young nurse behind the counter.

She smiled sweetly at him. “And what was your name?”

“Uh, Ryan. Ryan Atwood.”

“Okay Ryan, how about you take a seat while I go and see if he’s up for visitors right now,” she told him.

“I thought he was in a coma?” Ryan frowned.

“He woke up early this morning. Just wait a moment,” she instructed before heading down the hallway.

Ryan glanced around walls in a vain attempt to distract himself. If Dom was awake, that was a good sign, right?

“Ryan?”

He spun on the spot to be confronted with Dom’s Mom, his Aunt Jane. She looked tired, large circles under her red-rimmed eyes, like she’d aged ten years sometime over the past eight weeks. She stepped forward and gathered Ryan into her arms.

“Oh Ryan,” she sighed, her voice choking up a little. “It’s so good to see you.”

Ryan let go of the breath he wasn’t even aware he was holding. He knew that running into his family was almost inevitable, being back in Newport again. He just wasn’t sure of the reception he would be getting.

“Dom?” he asked.

“He’s… he’s okay,” Jane said simply, wiping a tear from her eyes and leading them down the hall.

Walking into Dom’s room, Ryan didn’t know what to expect, but this wasn’t it.

Dom had a million tubes going into his arms, hands, up his nose. His face was deathly pale, darker circles under his eyes than Aunt. His dark curls were flat, not springy like usual. His right arm was in a cast, and by the look of the swollen shape through the blanket, his right leg was too.

“They told me that he had woken up,” Ryan said softly, crossing to Dom’s side, grazing his fingertips with his own.

“He woke up briefly this morning. He knew who he was, which was a relief, but had no recollection of the accident. Then they had to take him back into surgery. They think they’ve repaired all of the internal injuries now. So now we just have to wait again.” She paused, and Ryan could see her attempt to fight off her tears. “He had a nasty gash on his leg, real deep. The doctors said it was only an inch away from one of his major arteries. He was an inch away from death, Ryan.”

Ryan was feeling a mixture of emotions, seeing his cousin like this. Worried about the extent of his injuries, that he wasn’t deemed well enough to be in a regular ward and was still in the ICU. Guilt that he wasn’t there, wasn’t in Newport looking out for him. And anger, such deep, deep anger for the fucking asshole that ran Summer’s car off the road. That put them both in danger.

How could anyone do that? How could anyone deliberately set out to try and hurt someone, kill someone? Looking at Dom lying there, knowing how close to death he came, anger started to seethe through Ryan’s bloodstream. But in the company of his Aunt, he knew he had to tamper if down and be calm for her.

“He’ll be happy that you’re here,” Aunt Jane gave a weak smile, and picked up her knitting from beside her chair. She appeared to be knitting the worlds longest scarf, which was probably a testament to how long she had been sitting beside Dom’s bed already. “He’s missed you. We all have.”

“Not everyone,” Ryan mumbled without thinking, not knowing how much his Aunt had heard of his departure.

“He told me what happened,” she told him suddenly. “About what that bastard of a father did to you. About you and that boy. What’s his name? Sam? Shaun?”

“Seth,” Ryan whispered, waiting for the judging to start.

“Seth, that’s right,” she nodded, and Ryan was still waiting for the disdain to hit her voice. “Dom said that he would look after you. Are you happy?”

The question took Ryan by surprise, and he looked at his Aunt in shock. He had expected disgust or condemnation, not concern for his happiness.

Before answering, Ryan’s mind ran through the previous eight weeks. The frustration of house hunting. Fighting about money. The amount of noise Seth made in the morning when Ryan had worked a midnight shift and needed to sleep in. Bitching at each other when they were tired and frustrated. Curling up on the couch to watch reruns of Seinfeld and South Park. Going on the occasional movie date and holding hands the whole walk home. Getting home from an all day shift at work to find that Seth had cleaned and cooked an edible dinner. Falling asleep spooned around his boyfriend every night.

“Yeah, I am.”

Aunt Jane gave another weak smile, then cast a sad look towards her son. “Life’s too short not to be.”

***

“They may as well just give me ibuprofen for all these pansy-assed painkillers are doing. Where’s the morphine people?” Summer whined, shifting in her bed again.

She looked a sorry sight to Seth’s eyes. She had a few minor cuts and bruises on her face, standing out against her pale skin. Seth hadn’t seen her devoid of makeup since the eighth grade, but here she was without even a hint of mascara on her lashes. She looked tired, worn out, and frustrated. Her leg was in traction and she was clearly uncomfortable.

“I mean, I have a broken tibia and a shattered ankle. What does a girl have to do to get some serious drugs around here?” Seth didn’t mind her bitching, she was obviously in a lot of pain.

“You sound like an addict,” Seth told her gently.

“I’m just in pain,” she said weakly. “And the surgery better have worked, because I am so not going through this again.”

Seth tried to offer her a comforting smile and glanced at his watch. Ryan had been in with Dom for over an hour now, and he was anxious for some news.

“You want to know how Ryan is, huh?” Summer asked.

Seth took a deep, tired breath. “I’m actually more concerned about Dom. But yeah, knowing Ryan isn’t having a breakdown would be nice too.”

“My dad told me that Dom woke up during the night, but they had to rush him into surgery again to stop some internal bleeding. He said he was serious but stable.” Summer tried to reassure him.

“So what happened?” Seth asked, he hadn’t been able to get any details from Summer the day before. “Why were you even in a car with Dom?”

“We’d been talking earlier that day. Trey was on his ass about finding Ryan, and we kind of decided to meet up and try and think of a way to get him off of his back. I mean, Dom only knew that you guys were still in California, but he had no idea where. He didn’t even know that Ryan got a scholarship to Berkeley, did he?”

Seth shook his head in answer. “Ryan was going to tell him before classes started, but that changed when we got caught.”

“Anyway, I mentioned to him that my car was making a weird noise, and he told me he was a mechanic, so we continued talking about you guys in the car so he could listen to the engine. We went for a bit of a drive, onto the freeway and stuff. And that’s when it happened.”

“When what happened?” They were interrupted by someone else entering the room.

“Ryan!” 

Relieved, Seth got up from his chair and grabbed his boyfriend into a hug, dropping a kiss on his temple when he felt Ryan sink against him. “How’s Dom?”

“Asleep. His Mom is going to find me when he wakes up,” Ryan looked as tired as he sounded, but there was a hint of something else in there too, something that sounded like anger. “Were you guys talking about the accident?”

“Yeah, but we can stop…”

“No. I want to hear about it,” Ryan said in an almost clinical way, and Seth didn’t like the tone that had crept into his voice at all.

“Okay,” said Summer tentatively, like she could pick up on Ryan’s tension too. “So we were driving at about sixty miles per hour, and I was nowhere near speeding, when this car just comes out of nowhere on my right and slams right into the passenger side.

“And then it all gets kind of blurry. I lost control of the car, it started spinning a little, and I went off the road and into a pole. The next thing I know they’re using the jaws of life to pry me out. I was told that I screamed my head off for a while, but I don’t remember any of that either.”

“Did you get a look at the car? The one that hit you?”

“I don’t know anything about cars, but there were a few eyewitnesses who have backed me up,” Summer continued. “It was green, but a funny color green. Kind of like a mix of khaki and apple. And it was an older car, boxy. But I have no idea what sort.”

“And did it have a silver stripe down the side of it?” Ryan suddenly asked, his face turning red. He looked about ready to pounce.

“Um, I only saw it briefly. I mean, it could have…”

“Fuck,” Ryan swore loudly, and Seth got up and put his hand on his shoulder to calm him down.

“Ryan…” but Ryan shrugged him off and started pacing.

“I have to… I’ve got to…” Ryan was clenching and unclenching his fist as he paced.

“Ryan, calm down, okay. There were eyewitnesses, I’m sure the cops are onto it.” Seth tried to cajole him.

“He’s probably in Mexico by now,” Ryan said through gritted teeth, then spun on his heel and made his way to the door.

“Ryan, wait. Where are you going?” Seth asked desperately. Ryan looked wild and determined, with a defiant glare in his eye that scared him.

“I’ll be back, don’t worry about me.”

“Don’t worry about you? Ryan, you look like you’re about to go and kill someone. Please tell me you’re not going to kill someone?” Seth pleaded.

“I’ll be back soon,” was all he said before stalking out of the room.

“I’ll come with you,” Seth started after him, following him into the hallway. Ryan turned back to face him with a steely expression.

“Seth. Stay here, okay? Don’t follow me. I need to do this alone.” Ryan ordered more than asked, and he watched helplessly as his boyfriend stormed down the hallway and out of sight.

Summer caught his eye when he walked back into her room, and he couldn’t mask the fear in them. “He won’t do anything stupid, right?”

“He’s your boyfriend.” Summer stated simply, but her brow was furrowed in a concerned way.

He hoped that whatever Ryan was doing, he wouldn’t have to bail him out of anywhere. They had spent some of Seth’s money getting the plane down to Orange County and for their hotel. He really didn’t see the likelihood of crawling to his parents for money to bail his boyfriend out of jail.

Seth let out an audible sigh.

“Oh, quit your whining,” Summer chastised him.

“Oh, ‘cause you’re the one to give me that lecture right now,” Seth snapped.

“Hey, when you have a broken leg and ankle, I’ll let you sigh all you want. Now, distract me from my pain. Tell me about Berkeley.”

***

Ryan’s fists were still clenching and unclenching as the cab dropped him off outside of Pete’s place. His breathing was deep and he felt as if he was exhaling fire from his nostrils.

It didn’t take a genius to know what had happened on the road yesterday.

“Ryan?” Pete looked confused and wary as he opened the door to his home, his eyes red and reeking of bourbon. Pete stood against the door in a way that indicated that he wasn’t going to let Ryan in, but Ryan was angry enough to just push through him. “What the fuck are you doing here? You’ve been MIA for the past few months now.”

“Where is he?” he asked, ignoring Pete’s attempts at conversation, fury seething from every pore.

“I don’t know what…”

“Where the fuck is he?” Ryan raised his voice, and Pete flinched. Ryan wasn’t sure if it was the obvious hangover that he had, or that he knew exactly what Trey had done. Either way, Pete was hiding him and Ryan was seeing red.

“Seriously Ryan, what are you…” but Pete couldn’t finish his sentence for Ryan pushing him up against the wall in the hallway, pressing his forearm against his chest, holding him there.

“I’m sure the cops are already looking for him. The fucking stupid asshole couldn’t have a more distinctive car. Now, either you tell me where I can find him so I can find out why the fuck he did it, or I can tell the cops all about the crop you have out back.”

Pete and Ryan continued their staring match before Pete finally looked away. Ryan continued to hold him against the wall, despite the stench of alcohol and body odor assaulting his nose.

“Dom’s Mom is sitting by his bed in the fucking ICU waiting for him to wake up. He’s had to have three operations, three in less than twenty-four hours, and Aunt Jane is just sitting there praying that he pulls through. The doctors think he’s stable, but they don’t think he’s stable enough to be in a normal ward just yet. He could’ve died, Pete. Dom, the guy you hang out with all the fucking time was an inch away from dying and you’re fucking protecting him?”

“I don’t know what to tell you, Ryan,” Pete started, finally starting to look ashamed. “He just lost it. Trey just… snapped.”

Ryan closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He’d seen Trey get like that before; so on edge that he just couldn’t be stopped.

“We were just driving along, you know? He was ranting about you being a fucking faggot and that Nichol kid that made you one, and then he spotted the car ahead of us, a red Jeep. He sped along until he was to the side of it. He saw the guy sitting in the passenger seat and made another faggot comment, and just turned the wheel, smashing right into them.”

“Fucker, you were in the car with him? You couldn’t stop him?” Ryan spat.

“I swear we didn’t know it was Dom. Not until it was too late anyway.”

“Who the fuck did he think…” Ryan trailed off as his mind made the connection. The car, the similarities between Dom and Seth; the height, the brown curly hair. If Trey and his dad had been waiting for Ryan to come home that fateful day, they would have seen Summer’s car idling across the road. Would have seen Seth jump out of the backseat with Ryan. “Seth,”

Pete could only nod.

“Because it makes it that much better knowing that he wanted to kill my boyfriend, and not our cousin?” Ryan asked, unable and unwilling to hide the fury and sarcasm in his voice.

Pete flinched at the word boyfriend. “So it’s true then? You’re taking it up the ass from that guy?”

“Where is he?” Ryan said in a steady yet threatening voice, refusing answer Pete’s question.

He watched Pete’s face fall. “I don’t know,”

“You don’t know?” Ryan asked skeptically.

“He just kind of took off. Didn’t say when or where. My guess is Tijuana, but who knows.”

Ryan finally took a step back, letting go of Pete and pacing.

“I swear he didn’t know it was Dom, Ryan. He would never want to hurt him, you know that.”

“But it’s open season on Seth?” Ryan glared.

“He was freaked out, hasn’t seen you in two months. No one would tell him where you were,”

“That’s because I made sure that no one knew. I know what Trey’s like, Pete.”

“And what happened with you anyway? You just woke up one day and decided you wanted to take it from another dude? What did you expect him to do?”

“Me and Seth are none of your fucking business,” Ryan warned.

Pete held his hands up defensively. “I’m just trying to give you some idea about what was going on in Trey’s headspace.”

“Do you know how close Dom came to death? Do you have any idea?”

Pete shook his head, looking to the ground. “I’m sorry, Ryan. I really am.”

“Whatever. You don’t know where he is, you’re no use to me.”

“Come on Ryan, we used to be buds,” 

“Not anymore.” Ryan said through gritted teeth. “You stay the fuck away from me, you stay away from Seth. And if you happen to see Trey before the cops do…”

“Tell him to stay the fuck away from you too?”

“Tell him to run.” Ryan’s gaze could only be described as menacing, and he stormed out of the house in much the same manner as he stormed in.

***

Ryan walked back to the hospital in an effort to calm himself down before he had to face people again. A text message flashed up on Ryan’s phone from his aunt with the words he’s awake, and he only felt bad momentarily that he ran straight back to the ICU instead of assuring Seth that he wouldn’t be wanted for any murder charges.

Any iota of residual anger he had left from his visit with Pete dissipated when he saw Dom open those big brown eyes as Ryan approached his bed.

“Ryan,” Dom’s voice was raspy, and he seemed to be struggling to keep his eyes open. But he was awake and he knew who Ryan was, and that’s all that mattered, really.

“I’ll leave you boys alone for a few minutes,” Aunt Jane said gently, exiting the room and leaving Ryan alone with his cousin.

“Dom,” Ryan muttered, shaking his head, not knowing what to do or say.

“Mercutio,” Dom said softly, fighting the drooping of his eyelids so his gaze could remain fixed on Ryan.

“No, man. Don’t say that. You can’t be Mercutio, because you’re going to be fine,” Ryan told him vehemently.

“Mercutio,” he muttered again, unable to keep his eyes open this time as he drifted back into sleep.

***

“I’m telling you Summer, you have to give _30 Rock_ a chance,” Seth almost pleaded.

“That’s what you said about _The Office_ ,” she reminded him.

“Okay, so _The Office_ isn’t quite your humor, but I’m telling you _30 Rock_ is!”

“Tell me one reason why I should give it a go?”

Seth made a show of racking his brain. “Uh… oh, I know! It’s written by the same woman who wrote _Mean Girls_.”

“I like _Mean Girls_ ,” Summer said, more to herself than to Seth.

“She was the teacher in it, you know, the one that gets accused of drug dealing?”

“Fine,” Summer relented. “If I promise to watch a few episodes will you please try and stop converting me to watch your doomed shows?”

“I still blame you for the demise of _Arrested Development_ ,” Seth commented as he looked at his watch again.

“Well, that debate must have killed ten minutes. So how long has he been gone now?”

“Nearly two hours,” Seth told her just as Ryan walked through the door. Relieved, he turned to him and asked, “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, but can we go somewhere to talk?” Ryan said tiredly.

“Oh no, please tell me you didn’t kill anyone.” Seth pleaded, only half-joking.

Ryan rolled his eyes and walked out of the room, Seth quickly getting up to follow him, giving Summer a worried half-wave as he left her room. They walked together in silence until they arrived at a small courtyard, and Ryan held the door open for Seth to step out. Once they were out in the air, Ryan reached into his pocket to remove his packet of cigarettes. Seth bit his lip rather than bitch him out about his smoking; he had smoked considerably less since they’d arrived in Berkeley. And if there was ever a time that he needed one, it would be now, when his favorite cousin was in hospital.

“Ryan,” Seth started, reaching out to grip the hand not holding a cigarette, checking his knuckles for bruises. “Talk to me,”

“It was Trey,” Ryan mumbled before taking a drag from his cigarette.

“What was Trey?” Seth was confused.

“The accident. The car. It was Trey’s car that hit Summer,” Ryan stated.

Brow furrowed, Seth’s mind went through a million reasons as to how Trey couldn’t possibly be involved. How Ryan’s brother couldn’t have been the one to put his own cousin in a coma.

“Are you sure, I mean, a boxy green car could be anything, really. Summer doesn’t know anything about cars…”

“I went and saw Pete.” Ryan cut him off.

“Pete?”

“Trey’s best friend. He told me it was him.”

Seth brow furrowed even more. “But, why? I mean, why would he do that to Dom?”

“He thought he was you.” Ryan told him matter-of-factly.

“He thought… what?” Seth sputtered, confused but understanding all at the same time.

“He saw that it was Summer’s car, saw Dom in the passenger seat, and thought it was you. He wanted to get to me, so he ran the car off the road thinking that it was you in there.”

“Holy shit,” Seth exhaled, dropping Ryan’s hand, feeling a sudden need to sit down. He walked towards a small park bench, took a seat, and concentrated on breathing in and out as Ryan finished his cigarette. Was this true? Had Trey tried to kill him? Seth’s had people wanting to beat him up before, people wanting to pee in his shoes. But someone deliberately trying to kill him? This was new. Jesus and Moses, what if it had been Seth in that car with Summer. What if Trey had actually achieved what he’d set out to do, and Dom was the one that ended up dead?

And worse, knowing all of this, what if Ryan blamed Seth for what happened to his cousin?

Ryan walked over to the bench and gingerly perched on the edge, like he could make a quick getaway if he needed to.

“This is so fucked up,” Seth said into his hands.

“Look Seth,” Ryan started, talking more to the ground than to Seth, and Seth held onto his breath thinking no, Ryan, please don’t break up with me for this. “If this is all too much for you, I understand if… if you need distance and want to be around your family.”

“Excuse me?”

Ryan looked up at him and dropped the clinical demeanor he had adopted since returning to the hospital. “Someone in my family tried to hurt you, Seth. I’d understand if you didn’t want to be around me right now.”

Seth breathed out a sigh of relief. Ryan didn’t want to dump Seth, he was worried that Seth wanted to dump him. This, he could work with.

“I wouldn’t want to be around anyone else,”

“Seth…”

“No, Ryan. After everything we’ve been through together over the past few months; hell, over the past five months. After all that we’ve gone through together and survived together… Things were finally getting good between us, dude. Do you really think I could give it all up so easily?”

“My brother drove your cousin off the road…” Ryan started again, but Seth cut him off.

“Do you blame me?” Seth asked.

“What would I blame you for?”

“For not being in the car when Dom was? Because if you do, and you want to break up with me because of it, then I understand,” Seth took a deep breath and tried to shake the annoyed tone from his voice. “But don’t try and convince me to break up with you. Because I want to be with you and I plan on fighting for you.”

Ryan blinked. “But why?”

“Because I love you, that’s why.” Seth said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

Ryan shuffled on his seat closer to Seth, and brought a large hand up to graze the side of his face. Leaning in, they kissed chastely before Ryan murmured, “I love you too.”

“Then stop trying to get me to leave you. We’ve made it through plenty before, this is just one extra hurdle. And we’re stronger now, man. I know things got weird between us after Trey knocked me out that time, but we’re stronger than that now.”

He was rewarded with a nod from Ryan, and another quick meeting of lips.

“Come on, it’s been a big day. Let’s get back to the hotel.”

***

The boys slept in until eleven o’clock the next morning. The travel from San Francisco as well as the stress of the day had caught up with them by the time they arrived at the hotel. They had picked up a pizza on the way back and choked down a few pieces each before having slow, sleepy sex to reaffirm everything they felt for each other.

Ryan wasn’t sure if it was the sleep or the sex, but he felt more optimistic and less doomed when he woke up.

“You know, the only word he said to me yesterday after acknowledging me was _Mercutio_ ,” Ryan called out to Seth from the bathroom.

“ _Mercutio_?” Seth questioned. “I’d forgotten that he’d been joking about that.”

“So had I. I think he either believes he’s going to die, or he knows it was Trey who took them out.”

“Could he even remember the accident?” Seth questioned, joining Ryan in the bathroom to brush his teeth.

“Aunt Jane said he didn’t, but I don’t know,” Ryan mused, rinsing out his mouth and wiping his face on a towel.

Ryan got his answer when he arrived at the ICU, leaving Seth at the door to go and sit with Summer again.

He was relieved to see Dom sitting up a little in bed watching television, still looking deathly pale, but more lucid than he had been the day before. He gave Ryan a weak smile and Ryan could tell he was happy to see him.

“Where’s your Mom?” Ryan asked, entering the room and taking a seat beside Dom’s bed.

“She had to take Nona for a chest x-ray, she’ll be back in an hour,” Dom said sleepily.

“How are you feeling, man?”

“Like I’ve been run off the road and into a pole,” Dom answered. “Seriously, I feel like hell, but the doctor said that I might be able to be transferred to a different ward in a few days if I stay stable.”

“See, I told you that you weren’t Mercutio,” Ryan smiled.

“Yeah,” Dom sighed and took a few deep breaths. Ryan didn’t know if he should stay a while or leave him to rest. He looked so tired. “How’s Seth?”

Ryan felt his lips pull into a familiar smile that he knew appeared anytime he got to speak about Seth with affection. “He’s a little shaken up, I think. But he’s good.”

“And you guys?”

“We’re good. Really good,” Ryan grinned, his mind casting him back to the night before, the way he slowly rocked into Seth, feeling the tremors slowly taking over his body.

They sat in silence for a few minutes, watching the sitcom on Dom’s individual television screen.

“They won’t talk to me about the accident,” Dom interrupted the silence, turning to look directly at Ryan. “They tell me about my injuries, but not the accident.”

“What are your injuries?” Ryan wanted to have an idea of how much Dom knew he had been through.

“Lots of blood transfusions, they had to reset my leg and arm, a few internal bleeds. They don’t know if I’ll get my fine motor skills back in my right arm.” Dom shrugged, but it seemed to take effort.

“I’m sure once you start some physical therapy…”

“It was Trey, wasn’t it?” Dom interrupted.

“Trey?”

“I remember bits. Not a lot, but bits,” Dom revealed, getting a faraway look in his dark eyes. “I remember seeing his car through my side mirror. He was driving like a maniac.”

“He always drives like a maniac,”

“Not like this,” he paused. “The guy’s been an asshole since you left,” Dom took a breath. “He’s always been an asshole, but more so lately,”

A rush of guilt swept over Ryan. Guilt for leaving like he did. Guilt for leaving Dom to deal with the fallout.

“I’m sorry,” Ryan whispered. It seemed inadequate, but it was all he could come up with.

“Not your fault,” Dom said, exhaustion clipping his words. “Didn’t think he’d try and kill me though.”

“He thought you were Seth.” Ryan told him, not really wanting to defend his brother, but not wanting Dom to think that he was the target.

“Fucking asshole.” Dom murmured, obviously trying to put some feeling behind it, but his body was still weak. “Your family needs to sort this shit out. Before someone dies.”

“I know,”

“My hand’s gonna be fucked up and I’m going to lose my fucking job because of this fucking Montague and Capulet feud that I’m not even involved in.” Dom bit out.

“I’m sorry,” Ryan apologized again,

Dom clenched his jaw, but then physically deflated, burrowing into his pillow a little more. “Sorry Ryan, I know you hate it too. I’m just sick of being in pain.”

“Did you need some more sleep?” Ryan enquired.

“Probably. Sorry, you come all this way and all I do is sleep.”

“I’m just happy to see you, man.” Ryan told him, standing up and clasping his upper arm.

“Me too,” Dom whispered, and by the time Ryan left the room, he was already asleep.

***

Ryan walked out of the ICU and was heading to Summer’s ward when he spotted Seth sitting in the Visitor’s Room watching television.

“What are you doing in here?” Ryan asked, taking the seat next to him.

“Summer’s off to a physical therapy session, so I thought I’d wait in here until she gets out. If she gets through today and tomorrow okay, they’re going to let her go home.”

“That’s good news,” Ryan said.

Seth nodded. “How about Dom?”

Ryan filled him in on how tired he looked, how he was still being monitored hourly, how much pain he was in when the drugs were wearing off.

“He knows it was Trey,” he revealed.

“How?”

“He remembers seeing his car in the mirror. He wants the family fighting to stop.”

“Don’t we all,” Seth exhaled loudly, and Ryan realized how weird it must be for Seth to be in Newport and not see his parents. For Ryan, because he left on such bad terms, beat up and cut up, he was hoping to avoid his parents altogether. Seth though…

“Mind if we head outside? I could use another cigarette,”

They wandered back to the front and out of the entrance to the hospital. Ryan lit up while Seth stood to his side and told Ryan all about the time he had his appendix out when he was eleven. Ryan had heard the story before, of course, the first time he had traced the small scar with his tongue. But Seth seemed to have a lot of energy and needed to talk, and it successfully stopped Ryan from thinking about his own issues for five minutes. Depending on his mood, listening to his boyfriend talk a mile a minute could either annoy the hell out of Ryan or calm him down. This time, it was the latter.

Ryan leaned against the cool brick wall, foot resting up against it, and let the sweet nicotine and the cadence of Seth’s voice wash over him.

And then the babbling stopped.

There before him was what could only be described as a Mexican standoff. Seth was standing next to Ryan, mouth agape mid-sentence, and Seth’s parents were standing stationary almost twenty feet away from them, a big bunch of light pink flowers in Seth’s mother’s hands. Eyes were wide and mouths were open, and Ryan couldn’t help but see the look of relief behind the scorn in Mr and Mrs Cohen’s expressions.

“Seth,” Mr Cohen acknowledged as they approached without casting one look Ryan’s way. “What are you doing here?”

Seth shrugged his shoulders. “Same thing as you, probably,”

“So you heard?”

“Summer called me.”

Mr Cohen raised a prominent eyebrow. “So she has the privilege of having your cell number?”

“Well, considering she’s one of the only relatives that actually care about where I am, what I’m doing, how I’m feeling…”

“Seth,” Ryan said in warning, he could hear how Seth’s tone was swaying towards being pissed. A public place like the hospital really wasn’t the right place for a reunion like this.

“Stay out of this,” Mr Cohen finally acknowledged Ryan’s presence. “This is between us and our son. It’s none of your business.”

“No, Dad,” Seth stepped in. “It’s all of Ryan’s business, okay? We’re together, we have been for ages, and we’re making a life together. That makes it his business too.”

“Come on, Sandy,” Mrs Cohen tugged at her husband’s arm. “We came here to see Summer, so let’s go.”

“She’s having her physical therapy session,” Seth informed them. “She won’t be back for a while,”

“Then we’ll go wait in her room…” Mrs Cohen was interrupted by a shout.

The world hated him, and the planets were aligning in a way that didn’t favor Ryan, and that was his parents and Uncle Eric heading towards them, with the worst fucking timing in all of the world. Ryan felt his palms start to sweat, the hair on the back of his neck stand on end, and his blood course hot through his veins. He hadn’t seen his father since the night that he had tried to bash the shit out of him, and there he was now, making a beeline towards him. Probably to finish off the job.

“I thought I told you to stay the fuck away from here,” Frank spat as he edged closer to them. Ryan steeled himself, lifting his chin, determined not to be the one to back down. He didn’t need to take any shit from his father anymore. He was done with that.

“You lost the authority to tell me what to do when your foot connected with my kidney,” Ryan told him through gritted teeth.

“You’re lucky that’s all that connected, you filthy…”

“Hey,” Seth interrupted. “We’re outside a hospital, let’s not do this here.”

Ryan turned to tell Seth that’s what he was going to say to him earlier when he saw the open palm of his father’s hand come into contact with Seth’s shoulder, shoving him.

“No faggot boyfriend is gonna tell me when I can and cannot do things,” Frank spat.

“Don’t you dare touch my son,” Mr Cohen said through gritted teeth before Ryan could jump to his defense. Mr Cohen placed himself between Frank and Seth, his hands on his hips and a warning glint in his eyes.

“Sandy Cohen,” Frank announced disdainfully. “Of course this abomination would be a son of yours.”

“Sandy, let’s go.” Kirsten called out to him, an aggravated yet worried look on her face.

“I’m not going anywhere until he walks far away from my kid,” He informed her, not breaking eye contact with Ryan’s dad. A small tendril of hope crept up Ryan’s chest. Maybe Seth had time to salvage his relationship with his parents after all, if his dad was defending him like this.

“That’s right, because the girly little fruit doesn’t know how to defend himself,”

Ryan stubbed out his cigarette as he listened to their father’s trade insults backwards and forwards, feeling the anger and resentment thrum through his bloodstream. It was shit like this that ran people out of business, had people burn down offices, had people up on assault charges, had grandmother’s dying and aunt’s running away and cousins almost being killed.

He thought of his brother, fists clenched and fighting with Summer’s brothers; boys who, he had learned, were technically their cousins. He thought of the vodka and gin bottles strewn all over the Cohen mansion, the only way Seth’s mom knew how to cope with the stress this feud brought. He thought of Dom, lying injured and exhausted in a hospital room, not knowing if his injuries would impede him living his normal life, let alone if he would still be able to perform the job he had been doing for four years.

And then the fists started flying, and although it seemed like Mr Cohen could hold his own, Ryan knew that his dad had a lot more practice at this. He jumped in to try and stop, but copped a knock to the chin for his efforts. He heard Seth call his name, reach out for him. He heard his mother, Seth’s mother, pleading for them to just stop, but it appeared to be on for young and old.

Ryan knew each man blamed the other for what had happened between himself and Seth, and judging from the insults and accusations coming from their mouths, this was mainly about them and their relationship. Ryan wished he had pepper spray or a horn or something to get them to calm the fuck down. Because, seriously? He wasn’t going to stop being gay for Seth just because their families hated each other, and this stupid, ridiculous fighting had to stop eventually. Before someone did get killed.

There was blood and yelling and as Ryan tried to pull them apart again, he wondered where the hell hospital security was when you needed them.

It was the piercing scream and cursing of a teenage girl that finally got them to stop. Summer had wheeled herself out of the hospital doors, her broken leg resting perpendicular to her body.

“That’s ENOUGH!” she squealed. “This ends here. This ends right now.”

Summer appeared to be fuming, and she blinked away the angry tears that were pooling in her eyes. Miraculously, all eyes turned to her, Frank and Sandy sprung apart, and Kirsten went to go to her, but was stopped by Summer’s raised hand.

“Aunt Kiki, I love you, but I have to say this first,” Summer told her, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath before continuing. “I am in so much pain right now from my physical therapy, and Dom is in pain all the time, and we both nearly died because of this stupid family fight.”

“Summer,” Kirsten started, but was cut off by her again.

“I’m going to have a scar on my leg, a huge scar, forever, because things happened in this family many years before Jack and Ennis over there hooked up,” she glanced in their direction.

“Summer, honey, you can’t possibly know…”

“That I’m an Atwood? Oh, I know. That grandma had an affair? That my Mom was born because of that affair? That we are all part of the same fucking family, and all we do is make each other miserable?”

Silence descended upon the group, no one quite knowing what to say in response.

“I heard my Dad arguing with grandpa a few months ago after my brothers got into another fight with Trey. They didn’t know I could hear everything they were saying,” she trailed off, looking wistful. “All of these years I wondered why he didn’t seem to love me like a grandfather should. But it was because I wasn’t his grandchild. I’m one of you.” Summer said definitively, staring directly into Frank Atwood’s eyes.

“Summer’s right,” Seth stepped forward, gripping onto Ryan’s hand a little for support. “This is all so screwed up, but it has to end before someone gets killed. Our grandparents had an affair, we can’t change that. And trying to ruin each other’s businesses, burning down buildings, getting into fights? Someone will die eventually.”

“The fire did kill your grandmother,” Kirsten pointedly mentioned, her tone harsh.

“It may have been a factor, but I’m sure her blood alcohol level didn’t help her escape any faster when the fire alarms went off,” Seth shot back, daring her to argue.

“And my sister being driven away…”

“Was because she had an affair,” Summer interjected. Apparently she had learned a lot over the past few months. She turned to Ryan’s uncle, her uncle, Eric. “I know it was you. I know it was you who caused my parents to divorce and my Mom to run away, but I forgive you. Because I’m bigger than that and I want our families to stop fighting. And I think that finding out the woman that you love is your half-sister is more than punishment enough for having an affair with a married woman.”

“Listen, little lady,” Frank stepped up to speak again. “You’re one to be preaching to the rest of us about all of this. But at the end of the day, you were the one that was driving the car that got you here. If anyone should be taking the blame for my nephew nearly dying, it’s you. Not us, and not this feud.”

“No it’s not,” Ryan cut in for the first time. He had to after seeing the look of guilt and sadness flicker over Summer’s face at the accusation. “It wasn’t her fault.”

“Then whose was it, smartass?”

“It was Trey,” Ryan announced, saw his mother physically recoil. “It was his car, he was behind the wheel, and he was the one who forced them off the road.”

“What? Why?” Summer asked, seemingly perplexed.

“You don’t know that,” Frank told him, daring him to respond.

“Pete was in the car with him. He saw the Jeep ahead of them, saw Summer and who he thought was Seth in the car, and ran them off the road. He didn’t realize that it was Dom until later.”

“Fuck,” he heard his dad mutter under his breath, but pretended he didn’t. “He was probably just trying to do the world a favor, get rid of the fucking fag…”

But that was as far as he could get before Ryan clenched his jaw and fist and punched him in the eye with a right hook.

“Ryan!” his mother screamed, and Frank went to retaliate but Eric held him back.

“So is this what the main issue between the Nichol’s and Cohen’s is now? That Seth and I are together?” Ryan asked angrily, adrenalin pumping through his veins.

“I didn’t raise no gay boys,” Frank spat, his hand to his eye.

“You didn’t raise me to be a lot of things. But I’m doing them anyway. I’m going to college, Dad. I got a scholarship, and I’m actually going to make something of my life. Not just sit around being bitter and telling everyone how the world screwed me over.” Ryan told him.

“And we’re not just doing this to mess with everyone,” Seth continued. “We’re not just screwing around or being with each other because it pisses everyone off. We’re together because we want to be together. We ran away because you wouldn’t let us be.”

“But Seth, with everything that’s happened between our families…” Mrs Cohen started, unrelenting.

“God, we’re just going to keep talking in circles about this, aren’t we?” Seth said sadly. “I love him, Mom.”

“And you don’t love your family as much?”

“He’s not making me choose between you all.”

“I’m sorry Seth, but we just can’t condone this right now. We’ve got enough going on with your grandfather,” Mr Cohen trailed off.

“We can’t condone it, ever.” Frank stated. “Just go back to your better lives away from us. It was better when you just stayed the hell away.”

Ryan watched as Eric pulled Frank towards the hospital entrance, mentioning something about visiting the ER before going to see Dom. He watched his Mom trail behind them, turn and give Ryan a weak and regretful smile. But Ryan was over feeling the guilt of leaving them behind, over the feeling that he was missing something by not having his immediate family by his side.

“So I guess this is the goodbye we didn’t get two months ago,” Seth said, more to his sneakers than his parents.

“That’s your decision,” Mr Cohen reminded him.

“I can’t let him go, and you can’t have me around unless I do.” Seth stated, and Ryan felt both a sense of trepidation and a sense of relief that his boyfriend had the offer right in front of him, the offer to have his family back, and he stood up for their relationship instead.

“Just, take care, Seth.” Mrs Cohen said sadly, turning towards Summer who was still sitting in her wheelchair off to the side, pushing her back inside.

“I wish it didn’t have to be like this,” Mr Cohen stuck out his hand and Seth grasped it and shook. Ryan tried not to notice the unshed tears in Seth’s brown eyes as he watched his father walk away from him.

“So,” Seth started after a few moments of silence, after he had pulled himself together.

“How do you feel about it all?” Ryan asked, curious.

“About this?” Seth made a sweeping gesture. “Strange. Sad. But a little better. I mean, this time it at least feels as if we’ve spoken about it. You know, acknowledged the fact that I’m with you and I’m not leaving you anytime soon. It kind of felt like goodbye, and I’m not as sad about it as I probably should be.”

“Yeah.”

“What about you?”

Ryan shrugged his shoulders and stared out to the horizon. “I’m okay. Nothing I didn’t expect from them, really. And who knows, maybe Summer and Dom will get through to them and they’ll stop fighting.”

“Maybe,” Seth nodded.

“So what did you want to do now?” Ryan asked. It wasn’t like they could visit their cousins now, not with their parent’s in the hospital with them.

“Right now? I want to go back to our room and ice your jaw for a while. Then I want a nice, hot shower followed by a long, slow fuck.”

Ryan felt a smile pull at his lips and a twitch of interest in his groin.

“I think that can be arranged.”

“Then I want to come back and say goodbye to Summer and Dom. And tomorrow,” he paused to take a tired breath. “Tomorrow, I want to go home.”

And that word, that feeling that he wasn’t just going to a house where his bed was anymore, it filled him with a warmth that he had only known since meeting Seth. He was going to a place that actually felt like home, to a town where he felt like he belonged, to a guy who he knew he belonged with.

“Yeah, it’s time to go home.”

 

**REASON IS TREASON – EPILOGUE**

_Six months later…_

 

“They’re here,” Seth announced, as if Ryan hadn’t heard their voices over the intercom or Seth buzzing them up from where Ryan stood in the kitchen, a mere ten feet away. “How’s lunch coming along?”

“The turkey’s good, but the roast potato and pumpkin are still ten minutes away from being ready,” Ryan informed him, wiping his palms on the bottom of his I heart coal apron – a thoughtful Christmas gift from his boyfriend.

“Wow, I’ve never had an actual home-cooked meal on Chrismukkah before. Mom’s a terrible cook so we always ordered in,” Seth babbled, cleaning away the wrapping paper scattered over the floor from the gifts they had unwrapped earlier.

“I did have that practice run on Thanksgiving,” Ryan reminded him. They had gotten together that day with other people on their floor who hadn’t returned home for the holiday. Ryan wasn’t normally into Thanksgiving, but Seth seemed to adopt any holiday with open enthusiasm. Ryan swore that he only claimed to be half-Christian and half-Jewish so that he had an excuse to celebrate double the occasions.

And this one found Seth the most excitable yet. Christmas; no Chrismukkah, with Seth was an interesting experience. Ryan really should have known this, but Seth was like a child on Christmas morning. He had woken up at seven, accidently nudging Ryan awake in the process of stretching. Seth refused Ryan’s pleas of ‘just five more minutes’ and bounced at the foot of their bed until he eventually relented and joined him in the living room. They exchanged gifts from under the tree. Ryan received some CD’s, a new leather wallet to replace his tattered old one, the apron, and two pairs of sinfully tight cotton boxer briefs, while Seth got a new Guitar Hero game, a set of very expensive pencils he loved to draw with, and a new satchel to carry his artwork in.

Ryan’s mind snapped back to the present, and he turned his attention back to the stove, carefully stirring the gravy so that it didn’t burn. When he heard the knock at the door, he turned the heat down to a low simmer and wiped his sweaty palms on his apron again.

“You ready?” Seth asked him, and Ryan gave a small nod in response.

Seth stepped forward to open the door.

“Merry Chrismukkah!” Sandy and Kirsten said in unison, stepping into the apartment. Sandy set down the large wrapped box he was carrying, Kirsten dropping her bag and another, smaller parcel on top of it, before they stepped forward to greet the boys.

“Merry Chrismukkah,” Seth returned, giving his Mom a kiss on the cheek and shaking his Dad’s hand while Ryan stood by awkwardly and watched.

“Merry Chrismukkah, Ryan,” Kirsten turned and spoke a lot more gently to him than she had to Seth, like he was a skittish horse. Ryan wasn’t too sure how to greet her other than mumbling the same greeting back, but then her face softened and she reached out to pull him into a hug.

The past six months had been up and down for Ryan and Seth. In the first few months since they left the hospital that day, they kept up with the happenings of their families via Summer and Dom, but neither of them had heard from anyone else.

The day after they had returned to Berkeley, Trey had been picked up by the police just outside of Nevada. With the number of eyewitnesses at the scene of the accident who could identify the car and the driver, his defense really didn’t have much to work with. His prior offences as well as Pete testifying against him (the police had agreed to drop the accessory charges as well as overlook the marijuana crop in his back yard) ensured that he was going to be in jail for a while.

In a way, Ryan was relieved. Trey had been slowly losing control for years, getting into a lot more fights and acting more reckless to the point where Ryan used to go along to places with him just to keep an eye on him. Now it was the state’s turn, and Ryan hoped against hope that his brother would come out of this rehabilitated.

And then classes had started, and between his contact hours, his shifts at the restaurant, and homework, Ryan barely had time for a quick handjob from Seth let alone time to worry about his estranged family.

Then Seth got word that his grandfather had been convicted and sentenced to four years imprisonment, three of those non-parole. He had gotten quiet for a few weeks after that, and Ryan knew that he was worried about how his mother was handling the news. Ryan tried to play the supportive boyfriend, tried to get him to call and attempt to smooth things over with them, but Seth wasn’t really receptive to this advice. He was unreceptive and sensitive enough about the issue that they ended up having their biggest fight ever because of it, with Seth storming out and slamming the door behind him. Ryan had spent the rest of the evening fuming, he was only trying to look out for Seth after all. Then, when the clock ticked over to one o’clock in the morning and Seth still hadn’t come home, he started worrying until he received a text message from the couple they had befriended from down the hall, letting him know that Seth had crashed on their couch. He still wasn’t asleep an hour and a half later when he heard the door creak open and Seth’s soft footfalls on the carpet. And when he crawled under the covers and on top of Ryan, he let himself get lost in his hard kisses and powerful thrusts as they exchanged apologies physically.

Sandy and Kirsten had landed on their doorstep a week later with the kind of timing only parents had. Ryan and Seth had both just handed in major assignments the day before and were taking advantage of a rare Saturday off work. Seth’s lips were just about to enclose around Ryan’s cock when there was a knock at the door. Thinking it was their voyeuristic neighbor, Penny, Seth wrapped a towel around his waist and went to the door to get rid of her, but came back a few moments later with his face aflame and throwing clothes at Ryan while gathering his own from the floor.

Ryan had left the building while Seth spoke with his parents, and when he returned a few hours later, he was surprised to find them huddled behind Seth’s laptop viewing photos and school work, catching up on all that they had missed. He was even more surprised to find himself welcomed into their family reunion, Kirsten turning to him and asking him about his studies, what he was wanting to do, how he was finding college life. Ryan wasn’t quite sure to make of it all, but the look on Seth’s face as Ryan held an actual conversation with his parents, the hope in those big brown eyes that he might actually get his family back, was enough for Ryan to bite his tongue about his doubts and go along with it.

And to top it all off, before leaving, Sandy revealed that the feuding families had reached some sort of truce after Caleb had been put behind bars. Ryan’s uncle Eric had approached Kirsten about putting a stop to it for once and for all, and Eric and Kirsten each made sure their families knew that the stupid fight that had hurt so many people, and almost killed Summer and Dom, was over, and would be over forever.

But just because they had actually accepted Ryan as being a part of their son’s life, it didn’t mean that Ryan was any less nervous seeing them.

Back to the present, they sat down at their small table that Seth had festively decorated in green, gold, and red while Ryan served up the roast on the kitchen counter.

“Let me help carry it over,” Kirsten went to get up, but was held back by Seth.

“Mom, he’s a pro at this. This is what he does.” Seth told them, clearly enjoying showing him off. Ryan rolled his eyes out of their line of vision and balanced three plates on his hands and wrist as he would at the restaurant before returning to the counter to gather his own.

After saying grace, Sandy poured them all a lemonade (Kirsten had been doing much better since leaving rehab two months ago, but they weren’t taking any chances), and they raised their glasses in a toast.

“To a better new year,” Kirsten declared.

“To a better new year,” they all repeated and clinked their glasses in unison.

The turkey had come out of the oven perfectly, with just the right amount of moisture and not underdone. The roasted vegetables were crunchy on the outside and soft on the inside and Ryan couldn’t help but feel proud that he seemed to be getting this cooking thing down. The satisfied looks on the faces of the Cohen’s was enough for Ryan, but they all verbally praised his talents too.

“It’s why I’m keeping him around,” Seth announced cheekily, leaning over and planting a dry kiss on Ryan’s lips right in front of his parents. Ryan looked over to gauge their reaction, but neither were recoiling in horror.

“Did your father tell you that we’re buying a new car?” Kirsten asked conversationally.

“No, what are you getting this time?” Seth enquired, and Ryan fought back a snigger. The extent of knowledge Seth had about cars was limited to size and color.

“A Mercedes-Benz Sports Coupe. Silver with an all leather interior, drives like a dream.”

“Wow, sounds like a nice car.” Ryan nodded, pushing his empty plate away from himself a little and gripping his glass of lemonade.

“It was your cousin who convinced him to buy it,” Kirsten smiled fondly at Ryan, a reaction he still had trouble grappling with at times. She and Sandy had been nothing but pleasant to him since the day they had walked back into Seth’s life, but sometimes he found it hard to believe that the family he had been told to despise since birth were well on their way to accepting him. It felt even more strange that his own opinion of them had changed so much that he was even beginning to view them almost as potential adoptive parents, seeing as his own had abandoned him.

“Oh yeah?”

“Dom certainly knows what he’s talking about,” Sandy informed him, and Ryan nodded. No one knew cars like Dom.

When Dom was finally released from hospital three weeks after the accident, he was only at the beginning of his long and painful road to recovery. What the doctors had feared about his fine motor skills in his right arm had been accurate. Unfortunately that meant that Dom found it hard to hold and use his tools with the precision he required to work as a mechanic.

But then Summer (who Dom still insisted was only a good friend) introduced him to some of her Dad’s friends, one of whom owned a luxury car dealership. Having worked on the cars of the rich and famous in Newport, Dom displayed his extensive knowledge, and by the end of the conversation he had a job offer. Dom was finally able to use his skills and charm and rub shoulders with the Newport elite on a regular basis. And he was good at it. As he was still recovering from his injuries, he was only able to work part-time, but with his commissions and referred business, he was earning a lot more than he ever did working full time at the garage.

After lunch had been eaten and the dishes cleared from the table, they gathered under the small Christmas tree to exchange gifts.

“My budget isn’t what it used to be, but I hope you like it.” Seth said to his parents, handing over their gift. Seth was used to buying extravagant gifts for his parents, but not this year. Even though Kirsten and Sandy had offered to pay their rent so they wouldn’t have to work so much, Seth had refused. He explained to Ryan that it felt good to be independent, that he was happy with the life they were living, and he wanted to prove to himself as well as his parents that he could do it on his own. Ryan had felt both proud and relieved. He didn’t want to feel like he owed the Cohen’s anything, and apparently, Seth felt the same way.

Kirsten and Sandy tore at the paper together and gasped at the beauty of the handcrafted chess set.

“Seth, it’s amazing,” Kirsten said, crawling over on her knees and giving him a hug, then turning to Ryan to do the same. “It’s just like Mom’s old one.”

“I know you lost it when the office building burned down. So when I saw this, I knew I had to get it for you.”

Ryan knew that Seth had worked extra shifts at Barnes & Noble to be able to afford that particular chess set, and it filled him with a sense of pride that Sandy and Kirsten appreciated the gift so much.

“I’m going to have to brush up on my skills,” Sandy announced. “Your Mom’s a shark.”

He pretended to be wounded at the elbow to the ribs she gave, but his smile belied the expression.

“Okay Seth, your turn now,” she said, picking up the box Sandy had carried from the car and handing it over. Seth tore at the paper quickly which revealed an Apple iMac.

“Are you serious?” Seth exclaimed, looking over at Ryan with wide eyes.

“Well, if you’re going to be a graphic designer, you’re going to need the right equipment.” Kirsten told him, and Seth leaned across to envelop both of his parents in a hug at once.

“And don’t think we’ve forgotten about you, Ryan,” Sandy nodded, handing over a smaller, but still heavy, package to him.

Ryan wasn’t as eager to tear into the gift like Seth was. He hadn’t expected anything at all from them and he was touched that they even thought to get him something.

But this was way more than something.

“We know you’ve been sharing Seth’s laptop computer, but you really do need your own,” Kirsten explained. “Seth’s been telling us how well you’ve been doing, and if you’re serious about architecture, then you are going to need to learn several design software packages. And you need more memory than Seth’s allows, what with the ten thousand songs and videos he has on there.”

“Hey!” Seth protested, but it was true, so he couldn’t argue too much.

“I don’t know what to say,” Ryan said dumbly, turning the package over in his hands. The thought of not having to spend hours in the library using their computers, of waiting for Seth to be done with his fiction assignments to complete his own, it was too much. It was a relief. “Thank you.”

Kirsten gave him another warm smile. “You’re welcome. I know that we didn’t get the best of starts earlier this year. But Sandy and I can see that you’re a good guy. We can see how much you care about Seth, how much you care about each other. And we want a fresh start with the two of you. So what do you say? New year, new start?”

Ryan met Seth’s eyes, and the way they were gleaming, he knew he couldn’t deny them this. Besides, he really didn’t want to deny them. He was redefining everything he ever thought about the Nichol’s, and not just because it was where his boyfriend came from, but because they deserved it.

Seth’s parents left on happy terms that evening, and Ryan felt as if a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. He always felt a little guilty that Seth had given up his parents for him. And now, having them back, seeing the sweet, tired, genuine smile on Seth’s face, it made Ryan grin in return.

“You’re amazing,” Seth told him, leaning against the door after he had closed and locked it.

“What did I do?” Ryan enquired, smiling shyly.

“You cooked a fabulous meal, and not only did you put up with my parents all day, you were nice to them.”

“They’re nice people, Seth,” Ryan responded.

“They can be,” Seth agreed, pulling Ryan towards him and wrapping his arms around him. “But you grew up hating them and six months ago they treated you like dirt,”

“They had issues. I get that,” Ryan told him, leaning forward to catch Seth’s lips in a kiss.

“Regardless,” Seth pressed another kiss to Ryan’s mouth. “You deserve reward sex.”

Ryan arched an eyebrow. “I do?”

“Uh-huh,” Seth murmured, and Ryan opened his mouth wider so Seth could lick into it. He loved getting lost in Seth’s kisses, and this was no exception. He loved the feel of their tongues entwining, of Seth’s nimble fingers raking under his tee shirt and finding skin, of running his own fingers through Seth’s soft hair.

Seth spun them around so that Ryan was slammed up against the door, and he pressed his thigh between Ryan’s legs. Ryan couldn’t help but grind against him.

“Feel like taking this to the bedroom?” he growled into Seth’s ear.

A smirk joined the look of lust on his boyfriend’s face, and he moved off of Ryan to make his way in that direction. “Last one in the bed has to bottom,” he called over his shoulder.

Ryan shook his head and smiled. That was one race he didn’t mind losing.

Afterwards, when they were sated and sticky and basking in the afterglow, he placed a hard kiss on Seth’s temple.

“I love you,” he whispered.

“I love you too,” Seth sighed in contentment.

Ryan knew that this was it for him. This was his family now. No more fighting. No more hiding. He could be his own person. He could become a person he could be proud of.

And here, in Seth’s arms?

It was all he had ever wanted.

It was home.

 

**THE END!**


End file.
